Burned(75)

I kept a close eye on her and swore to myself I wouldn’t let it get to me if she ever showed even an inkling of sadness about Jordan dying in the fire. Regardless of what he’d done and how close he came to bringing us both down with him, I would never fault her for her grief. Seventeen years is a long time to spend with someone and, even though it didn’t end well, I know she had many good years with him and a lot of memories that wouldn’t just disappear over night.
Every time she woke up screaming in the middle of the night, I’d kiss away her tears and hold her close. Each time she got quiet and stared off in the distance at nothing, I’d kiss the top of her head, reminding her how much I loved her and that I was right here if she needed me.
I didn’t agree with her decision not go to Jordan’s funeral, but it was hers to make and I didn’t pressure her. It’s not that I expected her to go and cry over his casket, I just didn’t want her to have any regrets. Even though she’s angry and hurt by what he’s done, I don’t want her to look back ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road and wish she’d said good-bye to him.
I hovered over her that entire day until she finally threw her sketchpad on the table and glared at me.
“If you don’t find something to do, I’m going to kick your ass. I’m fine, Collin. I have no regrets about not going to his funeral, I swear to you. I don’t need to go to that f*cking cemetery and pretend that I’m sad just because people say it will give me closure. I got my closure the day I filed for separation. I’m not going to waste one minute of my life mourning someone who tried to take you away from me.”
Seeing her attitude and fiery spirit come back to life was proof enough that she was going to be okay.
The shock came a month after the fire when I brought in the mail that included Finnley’s, since she had everything forwarded to my address. When I handed her an envelope with Jordan’s parent’s return address in the upper left hand corner, she opened it quickly and with confusion. When she pulled out the letter inside and read through it, she let out a small sob and her hand flew up to her mouth.
That was the one and only time she ever cried over Jordan Castillo and his family after he died. Even though he made her life hell off and on for seventeen years and came close to ending it with one swipe of a match and his mother did her best to make Finnley feel guilty for all of their problems, at least they did one thing right.
Inside the envelope was a letter from Mrs. Castillo. She said she wanted to tell Finnley this information at the funeral, but she understood why Finnley didn’t attend and thought it best to write to her instead of upsetting her with a phone call. The letter explained that they had filed a claim for Jordan’s life insurance policy and that as soon as it came in, every single penny of the $300,000 would be Finnley’s. With Jordan’s never-ending cycle of unemployment, Finnley had just assumed he’d stopped making the payments long ago and even if he’d kept up with them, the money wouldn’t go to her since she’d filed for divorce before the fire and his parents would most likely do everything in their power to keep her from it.
Mrs. Castillo explained that she and Mr. Castillo had covered Jordan’s payments when he couldn’t make them and never let the policy lapse. Finnley was pissed at first, figuring they were only doing this out of guilt because of what their son had done and that they never took her claims of addiction seriously. When I couldn’t get through to her that she should take the money, I brought in the big guns and called her mother over. It only took a few words from Finnley’s mom to convince her that she should let the Castillo’s do whatever they could to try and make things up to her. Losing a child would be bad enough, but knowing that he almost took several lives in the process would be pure agony. If giving her that insurance money eased some of their guilt, why shouldn’t Finnley benefit from it? She’d suffered enough at the hands of their son and it was time for her to live her life to the fullest.