Burned(2)

I hear the shuffle of his shoes and an irritated breath as he hovers in the kitchen doorway behind me.
“I’m leaving, if you even care.”
That right there, that sarcastic comment, reminds me that I’m doing the right thing. He honestly believes that making me feel guilty will change my mind. He thinks he can make me feel bad about the fact that I just don’t care what he does anymore, but he has officially pushed me past my breaking point. He doesn’t even realize that it’s his actions that have brought us here. His conscious choice to allow addictions and bad decisions to rule his life without a second thought to our marriage has turned me into this person I don’t even recognize anymore.
I’d like to say that I’m sad about seventeen years of my life going down the drain, that it hurts to let go of the man I vowed to love forever, but the truth is, I don’t care. I don’t care if he walks out that door, I don’t care if I never speak to him again, I don’t care if I’m alone and I don’t care if he’s pissed at me.
I.
Don’t.
Care.
When I cross my arms in front of me and continue to stare at clock hanging on the wall above the kitchen window, refusing to turn around and look at him, he huffs again.
“Fine. I’m out of here,” he mumbles.
I count his footsteps as he makes his way to the front door.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven…
Slam.
The silence in the house engulfs me. I close my eyes and breathe for the first time in months.



Chapter 2—Fire and Ice



JORDAN AND I met the second semester of our senior year of high school when his dad was transferred for his job. I can still recall every single detail about the day he walked into my senior English class. I can remember exactly what I was wearing, exactly what the teacher was saying when the door opened and he walked in the room and exactly the way my stomach flip-flopped when I looked up from the doodles in my notebook and watched him saunter in and take the seat right next to me.
I was only two weeks into my recovery that day. My boyfriend of two years, Collin McDaniels, broke up with me via a note delivered by his best friend and shattered my heart into pieces. Like a typical high school girl, I thought my world had ended and nothing would ever make me smile again. Then, Jordan Castillo sat down next to me, asked to borrow a pencil and my shredded heart was never to be thought of again.
We started dating three weeks later. We were voted Best Couple, Cutest Couple and Couple Most Likely to Get Married. After graduation, Jordan convinced me to hold off on my dream of art school and stay with him, close to home, so we wouldn’t have to be separated. Even though I lost some of my passion for art when my old boyfriend broke things off, I knew I had talent and I shouldn’t let it go to waste just because my first high school relationship didn’t work out. I promised myself that once we were making enough money to be comfortable, I’d take some time off and enroll in art school.
Jordan and I were polar opposites in every way, but there was something about us together that just worked. I was quiet, studious and not really big into partying. He was loud, outgoing and the life of every party. He was the bad boy of every parent’s nightmare and, in the beginning, I think that’s what attracted me to him. I wanted to be with someone who didn’t remind me of Collin. I wanted someone dark, edgy and exciting and that’s exactly what I found in Jordan. Looking back, maybe I should have seen the signs. Maybe I should have realized that someone’s core personality never really changes as they get older. We fought many times over the years because of his constant need to go out, his tendency to drink too heavily and come home too late and his refusal to grow up. I thought he would settle down after we got married. I thought he would be content in the life we built together and his need to hang out with people who weren’t the best influences would be pushed aside.