Brutally Beautiful(91)

The suffocating sensations of hands around my neck made me crawl out of bed. I needed air, and I needed to think all these emotions through, because I wanted to stay in that bed with Kade, I did. I wanted my life to start over again with him, and have that Disney f*cking fantasy, but let’s keep it real. Love wasn’t going to heal either one of us. I was not going to erase the events that took place in his life, just as he wouldn’t be able to save me from mine.





Chapter 14





I knew I was far-gone when I woke to an empty bed, after a night of continuously shifting towards the warmth of her body in my sleep, a sleep without the sweat of nightmares, only to wake and find a cold empty spot where I hid my heart. She had it too, and I was intrigued with what she’d do with it. Crush it beneath her little white converse sneakers, or with her bare f*cking hands? I didn’t care too much how it was she crushed it, just as long as she did. Pain was just as good as pleasure, because it was something. In a blind frenzy, I dove head first through the tangle of sheets to find her.

She was beyond my ability to put what I felt into words.

Something other than the emptiness.

The hate.

And rage.

But my f*cking bed was empty. Empty and cold.

Slipping on a pair of shorts, I stormed past the balcony ready to search the ends of the earth for that woman, but I noticed a small movement just outside. Pressing my hands against the cold glass, I could see her silhouette in the darkness, huddled up on one of the lounge chairs, as soft flakes of snow fluttered down around her.

The door creaked as I pulled it open and her head turned in my direction.

“Jesus—Lain…Sam…it’s freezing out here. What the hell? You’re so cold that you’re shaking.” I hovered over her and gather her small shivering body in my arms, “Bloody hell, Sam, you’re f*cking soaking wet.”

Her body shook against me. Then trembling lips touched mine with such a hunger that I was instantly kissing her back, carrying her inside the warmth of the house and thrusting into her so violently, so dominantly that I was afraid I might have broken her. But her hands fisted my hair, clawed at my back and matched my thrusts, her body pressed against mine, encouraging me, begging me for more.

Being inside her wasn’t like any of the empty f*cks I’d had before, it was filled with some sort of overwhelming emotion that made me feel like I could breathe. Her * was flooded with thick pleasure; her moans were all the music I would ever need to hear. It was pure insanity, crazed hunger that drove me into her over and over again.

It felt…it felt like I had never had sex before. Yeah, yeah, I know how damn crazy that sounds, but…it was the first time the flesh beneath me came with heat, and scent. It was the first time I noticed the taste of someone, the touch that only she gave; the tingle that only her breath could cause on the surface of my skin. It was as if I’d been abstinent for years, alone in a dry uninhabited land, completely unaware of what sex really was.

It was the first time I cared about someone. It was the first time it was real for me. She was just as damaged and out of bounds as me. All I wanted was to seep into her skin, curl myself around her heart, disappear completely and escape into her body. To have her taste on my tongue forever, have her smell and touch drown me, and her face always in my sight.

I wanted to erase everything f*cked up that had ever hurt her. I wanted to spill myself inside her and fill her with me, no one else. She clung to me, clawed into me, ravaged me just as I did her, and finally, as sleep crept over her body, I watched her. The repetitive thought of her walking out of my door looped over and over again in my mind. I knew she would leave. I also knew that whatever darkness that held her prisoner was not something she was going to go back to.