Brutally Beautiful(42)

Glancing at the crowd of people still gawking at me, I blew them a kiss. “Sorry. Momentary lapse in judgment.”

Chuckling and shaking her head, she left me standing there staring after her, my eyes hungrily eating her swaying form.

Jetting after her, I walked through the group of rubberneckers and loudly greeted them all a devilish good morning. I promised myself to buy a pair of horns online for the next visit to town. Placing my basket near the cash register in the line behind Lainey, I watched as she bit back her laughter, paid for her coffee, then walked out of the store.

I threw a hundred dollar bill at the cashier and threw my shit in one of those irritating plastic bags that you could never find the freaking opening to, and have to lick your fingers and use friction and the Jaws of Life to open. Telling the cashier to keep the change, I ran out of the store as Fran was driving down the road.

I followed them back to her trailer park and waited. Exiting my car, hidden behind another trailer, I stood on the threshold of the woods that surrounded her little home. Watching, transfixed, I could barely breathe, thinking that lanky bugger might have his lips on hers. The thought tore me apart. Then Fran walked out. Sweet relief flooded my body as she stood by the door and waved to him. No kiss goodbye. When his car was out of view, she leaned the back of her head on the doorframe and dragged her hands over her face. Within seconds, she let her hands fall limply to her sides and she looked out into the shadows of the trees. She looked as lost as I did. I blew breath into my hands, trying to find warmth, and watching her slowly close the door, robbing me of my view.

Convincing myself it wouldn’t be a good idea to knock on her door, and would probably creep the hell out of her, I trailed back through the woods to the place I hid my truck and drove back to my house.

It was the first time, except for that pompous awards dinner, that I had been out in the daytime for that long in months. I drove home in a daze. Fucking bloody hell, welcome to the world of crazy. I had lost all control.

I was well aware that my behavior was stalker-like and beyond inappropriate, yet I could not demonstrate a reason to stop. I wanted to know all about her, everything she did; everything she was. I sat in my den with none of the lights on, staring into the dimness of the room, scrutinizing my thoughts. Trying desperately to find order in the jumbled chaos of my mind.

I wanted to pursue her, make her laugh again, and get to know her.

My brain was well aware that she would undoubtedly have no intention of returning any attention to me after the way I treated her.

Was her skin as soft as I wrote it to be?

Showering and cleaning my hand was a chore, as my delusional mind had me being a normal undamaged man, ready and willing for a relationship with this person I truly knew nothing about. I tried to focus on the facts. I tried to concentrate on the reality that I was not in a healthy place to offer even the remotest of friendships with her. Was I truly this sick and twisted inside? Was I really trying to talk myself into believing I could trust and offer something other than my written words and ideas to someone?

When dusk softly overshadowed the sky, my hand was neatly bandaged and I was dressed impeccably. Swallowing the hard knot in my throat, I walked out of my house and climbed into my truck. All my sick tangled thoughts of the day came to one conclusion: I just wanted to get to know Lainey. Let her make her own choices about me, because my mind would not rest until I understood the strange spell she had over me and why since the day I’d met her, I had not suffered one uncontrollable flashback.

Driving to my brother’s bar, I cringed at facing my actions. How will she view me? Let’s get my mind clear. First, I belittled and degraded her. Terrific beginning. Second, I did more of the same shit, but I added some staring and gawking at her lips over a dinner party. I was pretty close to humping her leg that night, and everybody seemed aware of that fact. Next, I was caught peeking into her window as she cleaned her house and performed a dance that I can’t even think about for fear of busting a nut where I sit. Then came the kiss that I attacked her with, which was right after I criticized her yet again, because I was in total awe of her lips. After that, I write two books, each with the main character based on her. Lastly, I followed her; stalking the shit out of her.