Broken Juliet(50)

I laugh. He’s pretty spot-on in his assessment.

Back then, teasing him was always one of my favorite ways to exert control. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was addictive. The power. The temporary intimacy.

I put down the journal and ignore the tingling between my legs. That hungry little ache was the cause of so much trouble at that time. It convinced me I could have him physically without wanting more. Demanded him, time and time again. Shushed my heart when it complained we were getting too close.

It just wanted, and didn’t care how many lines became blurred in the process.

I close my eyes and ignore it while I cuddle my pillow and resist the hypnotic whispers of my stupid, power-hungry libido.





SEVENTEEN


COLLISION COURSE


Five Years Earlier

Westchester, New York

The Grove


As winter melts into spring, the distant orbits in which Ethan and I circle each other change, and morph into something new. A spiraling ellipse of heat and sexual frustration that has definite overtones of catastrophe, but which neither of us seems inclined to avoid.

In fact, Ethan has been actively seeking me out.

In the past weeks, he’s been around more. Instead of going off by himself, he’s been loitering, occasionally joining in with banter and conversations, not only with me, but with the rest of our friends. When he started joining us for lunch, Avery gave him shit for deigning to chow down with the peasants. Holt told him to f*ck off but cracked a smile while doing it.

He’s even tolerating Connor. Well, except for when Connor touches me—then Ethan gets a look like he’s trying to figure out how to murder him and stash his body where it’ll never be found.

His jealousy is strangely reassuring, but I try not to think about it too much.

Every now and then, I stare at him and fantasize. Replay all the ways he lit me up on that incredible night.

At those times I think it’s a tragedy it won’t happen again.

When he catches me staring, I know he feels it, too. My countdown clock gets louder. It makes me restless and impatient.

Horny.

Oh, so very horny.

Would it matter if we did it again? We survived it once, didn’t we? In the big scheme of things, it’s just sex.

Right?




I jiggle my leg as I watch Holt and Avery argue across the table in the cafeteria. He’s so freaking hot when he argues. I want to suck the acid right off his tongue.

“Fuck off, Avery. In 2006, Crash deserved to win Best Picture. No doubt.”

“That’s bullshit, man. Brokeback Mountain should have won. Are you kidding me? Two straight guys playing queer? You only had to hear Erika gushing over you and Connor to know how much people eat that shit up.”

“Erika loved it because we were f*cking flawless. It’s not my fault you couldn’t fake enjoying being sodomized. Maybe you need to practice that.”

“Why don’t you teach me, sweetheart? Connor said you’re a sensitive lover. Best he’s ever had.”

“That’s true. Even used the warming lube.”

He’s talking about sex. Why does he think this is acceptable? Even though he’s joking, my imagination is exploding with scenarios. In all of them, lube is redundant.

“Care to comment, Taylor?”

“Uh … what?”

Avery grins at me. He’s up to no good. “You’ve had firsthand experience, right? Is Holt a good lover? Or is it all a big act? Come on, be honest. He couldn’t find your G-spot with both hands and sat-nav, am I right?”

“Shut up, Jack,” Ethan says as his smile fades.

Avery laughs and slaps the table. “Aw, come on! You guys have been broken up for a million years. Surely we can talk about this stuff now without Holt’s head exploding. Give us the deets. Did he rock your world?”

Three months ago, this question would have made me apoplectic. Now, I’m kind of tempted to answer it, simply to see Ethan’s reaction.

When I don’t answer, Jack gives up on me. “What about you, Holt? Give us something! On a scale of one to ten, where do you put Taylor on the hotness meter?”

Ethan laughs and glances at me as he shakes his head. Crawling pinkness slides up his neck and onto his cheeks.

“Rate her!” Avery says, goading him. He starts up a chant. “Rate her! Rate her! Rate her!” Lucas and Zoe join him. So do Miranda and Aiyah. Random passersby, who have no idea what the hell we’re talking about, stop and clap.

“For f*ck’s sake.” Ethan runs a hand through his hair. The chanting continues. “You’re a prick, Avery. Okay, okay! Shut up, and I’ll tell you!”

The clapping dies down and Ethan looks at me even as he talks to Jack.

“You really want to know where Taylor sits on the hotness scale?”

“Hell, yes!” Jack is almost vibrating with excitement.

Ethan’s stare paints every inch of my skin with tiny shivers.

“On a scale of one to ten…”

“Yeah?”

Ethan licks his lips. I do the same. I think I stop breathing.

“She’s about a thirty-five.”

Everyone exhales, me included.

For once, Avery’s speechless.

It doesn’t last long.