Broken(2)

Kyla didn’t reply for a moment and Jocelyn didn’t think she would, until the other woman released a sigh and the stiffness eased out of her body. “It’s okay.” The monotone delivery of those words gave Jocelyn pause. She’d hurt Kyla, which made her feel even more guilty.

She pounded her fist against the steering wheel, inadvertently honking the horn. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have said what I did. That was really catty. Please forgive me.”

Kyla nodded but no other communication was forthcoming. Damn. How was she going to get through this trip knowing her friend was upset? Nibbling on her bottom lip, Jocelyn wondered if she dared to utter the words plaguing her thoughts. Even with many therapy sessions behind her, she still found it difficult to open up about her predicament. “It’s just…the nightmares have been more frequent—more graphic even. I haven’t had them in a couple years, but lately…” If she held on to this wheel any tighter, her skin would probably split.

Kyla released a sigh and faced her once again. “I’m so sorry, Jos. I thought your visits to Dr. Scott were helping.”

“They are. I mean she’s great, but sometimes I believe I’m going to be screwed up for the rest of my life.”

“These things take time, sweetie. It’s not something one can get over with the snap of a finger. I struggle with my problems every second of my life. You have to take this one day at a time and I promise it will get better. No one ever said the healing was easy. It’s actually the hard part. On the positive side, I’ve noticed a change in how you’re coping. Before when the incident was alluded to, you’d burst into tears. You’ve come such a long way and you’ve given me hope there’s a chance for someone as messed up as me.”

Knowing what Kyla had suffered, she almost felt selfish for voicing her concerns. “I guess.”

Almost as if she’d read Jocelyn’s mind, Kyla returned her hand to Jocelyn’s thigh and gave it a light squeeze. “Don’t ever think what you’re feeling is insignificant. Only you can determine that. You’re beautiful, strong, and I know eventually the hurt will fade.” She removed her hand. “Maybe you’re having these dreams again because you’re going home for the first time in years. When did you say was the last time you saw your father?”

“I suppose you’re right. Maybe I’m just antsy about returning to my old stomping ground. It doesn’t help matters when I haven’t seen my father in nearly seven years. Part of me is excited to rekindle the special bond we once shared, while the other half is shaking in these designer boots. You might think I sound ridiculous for saying this but, what if he’s stopped loving me? I’ve shunned all attempts to visit and…”

“Jos, he’ll be thrilled to see you. If that weren’t the case, he wouldn’t have invited you to stay until his wedding.”

“Actually, it was Lavern who asked me to help with the planning. I’m not sure my dad had anything to do with it.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Whenever I talk to him on the phone, he seems distant.”

“Sometimes feelings aren’t as easily expressed when they’re not done in person. When you see him again, I’m sure it’ll be like you’d never left.”

“I hope so.” Her father had meant so much to her and still did. She must have hurt him when she’d stayed away with no explanation. He probably believed she was ashamed of him. Or worse, maybe he was ashamed of her. If only he knew the truth. What would he say then? The very thought nearly sent her into panic mode.