Bring Down the Stars (Beautiful Hearts Duet #1)(71)

“Talk to me, Goose,” Ruby said. “Distract me from my post-Hayes haze.”

“I have too much distraction,” I said. “I haven’t taken one damn step toward my project. My grades are slipping. And when I’m not worrying about Connor and Wes, I’m worrying about the farm. At Christmas, I made Travis tell me the truth about our finances.”

Ruby made a wincing face. “And?”

“We’re in the hole for more than thirty grand, and this year’s harvest isn’t going to be as profitable as last.” I rubbed my eyes. “It feels like everything is falling apart. Even you and Hayes broke up.”

“It was fun while it lasted,” Ruby said. “I never go into anything with expectations, so I don’t feel the burn.”

“Meanwhile, I did the exact opposite. Everything with Connor happened exactly as I feared—and hoped—it would. The intimacy made me invested, and now I’m beyond invested.”

Ruby reached across the table to touch my hand. “Are you falling in love with him?”

I shook my head miserably. “I don’t know what to think. Or feel. For so long, we were up and down. For months, it was like he was afraid to be himself around me without a buffer. But on the phone the night Dad was sick, and now when he writes, I get a purer sense of who Connor is. It sounds cheesy but it’s like looking through a window he keeps shuttered up tight. Looking into his soul. And after Thanksgiving, I know why he keeps that side of him so guarded. His parents and brother refuse to let him be himself. They stifle him. So he covers it up with jokes and smiles.”

Ruby cocked her head. “Is that a yes?”

“I think it might be,” I said, tears filling my eyes. “But I’m scared. A lot. Not only because my heart is on the line, but because there’s actual danger here. Real, life-threatening risk. The stakes are so much higher. Life-changing.”

Or life ending.

I shivered and pulled my hands from my glass.

“And it’s worse, because I could lose Weston too.”

“Wes?” Ruby wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t realize you were close.”

“We have good talks. I like him. I can be myself around him.”

My truest self.

The thought slipped in like a cat through a cracked door. The same way the memory of that damn kissing dream came to me, sometimes bringing along little details like our hands locked on the bakery table, or our private jokes, or the song “Ocean Eyes” that seemed as if it were written about him.

Dreams don’t mean anything. We’re friends. We have history. I can care about him and still love Connor.

The thought felt…wrong somehow. As if it scratched at the truth but wasn’t all of it.

“I can’t be with Connor and not have Wes in my life, too,” I said, shooing the errant thought away. “And I’m scared I could lose them both.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Ruby said. “They’ll come back from Boot Camp and you’ll have some time with Connor. Enjoy it. See what happens. Take it one day at a time.”

I forced a smile. “I should get back and try to get some sleep. Or some work done. Stay if you want.”

“We just got here,” Ruby said, pouting.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m not feeling it.”

Ruby pursed her lips again. “I see Lisa Dean over there with some people.” She inclined her head to a booth in the corner. “I can hang with her, since you’re ditching me so cruelly.”

I hid my small sigh of relief in my coat collar. “Are you sure you’re okay? About Hayes?”

She sighed. “Yeah. Stings a little, but it’s not the end of the world.”

“Okay. See you at home.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Once I put some real time into my classwork, I will be.”

“You party animal,” Ruby said. “See you later tonight.”

I slipped off the stool and headed out, speed-walking the entire way to our apartment. Inside, I dumped my coat and purse on the floor and went immediately to my desk where Connor’s letters lay on top of population growth graphs and political science texts.

My heart cries out to you, from behind walls that are years’ deep and stacked tall with old memories that demand I keep quiet. They say I don’t deserve to be heard, and that happiness belongs to those more worthy. I’m scared, Autumn, that they’re right.

Tears blurred my eyes and I held the page to my heart.

“They’re not, love,” I whispered. “I hear you.”





Weston



The brilliant South Carolina sun shone in a clear blue sky, while a cool breeze made standing at attention bearable. Bravo Company stood on the field in block formation with the other graduating battalions and companies. Now that we’d made it to Basic Training graduation, I hardly felt the heat. Nor the itch of the thick wool and polyester of my blue dress uniform. My expression was empty. No more smirks. I’d pushed them all out and left them on this field.

We’d been trained within an inch of our lives—screamed at, berated, worked to exhaustion, yet the Army hadn’t been able to smother Connor’s smile. It lived in his eyes as he nudged my arm with the slightest nod of his head toward the stands. Ma, Paul, my sisters, the Drakes, Ruby and Autumn sat in the front row.