Breakaway (Beyond the Play, #2)(70)

I bite my lip. I’m hot all over; I’m sure the blush I’ve been failing to contain over the past several minutes has taken on an even darker shade. Almost seeing Evan Bell naked has nothing on this. Cooper keeps looking at me, clearly wanting an answer, but I have no idea what to say. My feelings for him run deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced. I know where they’re heading. But to put a label on this? To call Cooper Callahan my boyfriend? He’d only want it until he hears the truth about me, how broken I still am.

I open my mouth, but I don’t know what I’m about to say. And then I’m saved from answering anyway, because I realize Dad is crying.

“Dad?” I hurry over, hovering anxiously. “Are you okay?”

“Goddamnit,” he says, wiping at his eyes impatiently. “Goddamnit, Penelope.”

I shrink away. My heart sinks to my belly. “This isn’t like before. I promise.”

He shakes his head. “After all this time, bug? You’re still keeping things from me?”

“I didn’t—”

“You still think I wouldn’t support you?” He pinches the bridge of his nose, shuddering in another breath. “Did you really think I wouldn’t support this?”

I’ve seen my dad cry more often than other daughters, I’m sure; between my mother and Preston, we’ve had a lot to cry about. But this feels different. Maybe it’s because Cooper is in the room, looking between the two of us with concern. Whatever he thought was going to happen, it clearly wasn’t this. My lip wobbles, but I swallow down the sob that threatens to escape. “I thought… I thought you wouldn’t… respect me. That you’d think I’m taking a step back.”

“I wouldn’t think that.”

“I didn’t want things to fall apart again,” I whisper.

Dad wipes at his eyes roughly. “Honey,” he says, “I thought you trusted me. I thought we’d moved on.”

“We did! And I didn’t want to ruin that!”

“And yet you’re keeping things from me again. Big things.”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek. Maybe he’s right. After his initial reaction to the situation with Preston, we had to work hard to get back to a place where we felt comfortable with each other. Despite the drama, he wasn’t mad about the video; he was disappointed that I kept it from him until I had a breakdown and injured myself on the ice in my panic. And now, in trying to avoid making another mess, I did the same thing. Cooper reaches out his hand, and I take it gratefully, squeezing so hard I’m sure I’m cutting off his blood flow.

“You want me to go wait outside, sweetheart?” he asks. He has a fiercely protective look on his face, like he’d do anything to keep me safe. How did I ignore the real feelings brewing between us for so long? I’m sure if he thought I was in the slightest bit of danger, he’d defend me, even if it meant losing his spot on the team. I can’t pretend that there’s anything casual about that.

I shake my head. Maybe I still need to work up to where I’m ready for Cooper to hear the whole story—and when that happens, I’ll be hoping the whole time that it’s not the thing that drives him away—but he can stay for this. His support is a lifeline, made real by the way he’s holding onto my hand.

“You’re right,” I tell Dad. I take in a shaky breath. “And I’m sorry.”

“I just want you to be happy, bug.” He glances down at our entwined hands, and I think I see a hint of a smile on his face. “Whatever that looks like, as long as you’re safe.”

“I am happy,” I say quietly.

It shouldn’t be, but it feels like a revelation. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time—and Cooper is the reason. Ever since I asked him to hook up with me at the ice rink, he’s been chipping away at the wards I put up around my heart long ago.

Once I put it like that, it’s obvious. I have to take the leap, no matter how scared I am of falling onto the cold, slick ice. Cooper wants me to be his, and I want him to be mine. This isn’t like before. He’s been earning my trust, piece by piece, and even better, I want him to have it. Just like I want Dad to have mine, and to have his.

I lurch forward and hug my father. He hugs back, squeezing me so tightly I can barely breathe. He hasn’t hugged me like this in such a long time, I’d nearly forgotten what it feels like.

“I am happy,” I say again, and I’m crying harder now, but they’re necessary tears. The tears that feel like a dose of medicine, not poison. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Cooper’s right, we weren’t really… dating, officially.”

I look back at him. He’s still standing there, entirely unselfconscious, a look in his eyes that I can’t quite identify. When I smile tentatively, he gives me one of those lopsided grins that makes me want to kiss him senseless.

“But we are now.”





42





PENNY





“You promised you wouldn’t laugh!”

“I’m not laughing at you.”

“Oh, because it’s so much better to laugh at my book.” I flop down on my bed. Tangerine follows gracefully, settling atop my chest. With the dorms closed for the semester, I’m back at my dad’s house. Thanks to an evening right before break that started out innocently—making out with our clothes mostly on counts as innocent where Cooper is concerned—but quickly turned filthier than a taboo romance, whenever I’m on this bed, I just think about beard burn and the rasp in his voice when he told me to come one more time. Case in point: we’ve spent half an hour talking about nothing, and my panties are damp.