Boyfriend Material(70)

“We very much feel we have a duty to set a positive example.” That was Tamara.

Adam nodded approvingly. “It’s particularly important to me because I used to work in a very negative industry, and even with Tamara’s help, it took me a long time to come through that.”

At this point, I got a momentary reprieve when the teenager came over to take our orders, and Adam and Tamara gave him the third degree over where the restaurant’s ingredients were sourced from and which bits specifically were organic. I half wondered if it would have been a better strategy to take them somewhere less in line with their values so they could have the satisfaction of being unsatisfied with it. In the end, I went with the jackfruit Caesar—despite not knowing what jackfruit was—because I figured it was a good compromise between making an effort and trying too hard.

“Anyway”—Tamara leaned forward earnestly—“we’re really glad to have this opportunity to speak to you, Luc. As you know, we find the work that Coleoptera Research Project does in restoring the natural balance of the earth to be incredibly important.”

I tried to match her earnest for earnest. “Thank you. We’ve always been very grateful for your generosity. But, more than that, we’ve always felt you had a real understanding of our mission.”

“That’s really great to hear,” said Adam. “The thing is though, Luc, our values are central to our way of life.”

“And…” Now it was Tamara’s turn “…some of the things we’ve been hearing recently have actually been quite concerning to us.”

“Like we were saying earlier. We think it’s really important to put out the right sort of energy.”

“And, obviously, nature really matters to us. And being in harmony with nature and with ourselves.”

“And, so, being frank and strictly off the record, we’ve been a little bit worried that some elements of your lifestyle are not necessarily compatible with what we see as healthy and positive living.”

I was pretty sure that they could have gone on like this for at least another hour but, mercifully, it seemed like they thought they’d made their point. And now they were gazing expectantly at me.

Somehow, I didn’t throw the seeds at them.

“I completely see where you’re coming from,” I told them. “And, being frank and strictly off the record, I’ve not been in the best place recently. But I’ve taken time to reflect and look inward, and although I think it’s going to be quite a slow, holistic process, I’m beginning to take steps to really realign myself with where I’m supposed to be in life.”

Tamara reached across the table and laid her hand across mine like a benediction. “That’s really centred of you, Luc. Not a lot of people have the courage to do that.”

“Just to be clear”—Adam suddenly looked a little bit uncomfortable—“it’s not about the gay thing.”

A nod from Tamara. “We have lots of gay friends.”

I widened my eyes in a look of reassuring disbelief that I had been practicing for way too long. “You know, it never even crossed my mind that it might be.”

A couple of hours later, they’d gone, having formally un-pulled-out of the Beetle Drive—which, y’know, they could do because their Johrei retreat wasn’t happening. I celebrated and/or consoled myself with a terrifyingly good chocolate caramel brownie. Like, seriously. Better than a real—I mean nonvegan—chocolate caramel brownie. My working theory was that getting a dessert from a vegan restaurant was like having sex with someone less attractive than you—they knew it was a tough sell, so they tried harder.

“How was the jackfruit?” asked Bronwyn, popping up beside me.

“Surprisingly good. There was even a thirty-second window when I stopped wishing it was meat.”

She folded her arms. “You’ve been bottling that up, haven’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I have. They are the worst people, Bronwyn.”

“I blame the yoga. All that time in facedown dog’s not good for you.”

“They actually used the phrase ‘It’s not the gay thing.’”

“Oh, so it was the gay thing then?”

“Yeah.” I hoovered up the last crumbs of brownie. “They’ve got to that place where they’ve realised being homophobic is bad, but haven’t quite reconciled that with the fact they’re a bit suspicious of gay people.”

Bronwyn oofed. “Are you going to need another brownie?”

“I think I might actually. This is on expenses. And I kind of feel like work owes me.”

She did, in fact, bring me another brownie. And I did, in fact, eat it.

“Oh, by the way,” she said, swinging herself onto a repurposed wine crate, “I had a text from Rhys. He wants to know if you’re getting fired or not. He does worry about you, Luc. On account of how you’re such a bellend.”

“I think it went okay. Bellend or not, I’m depressingly good at pandering to straight people when I have to.”

“Well, it’s a living, isn’t it? Probably better than digging a hole.”

I squirmed. “You don’t think it’s…messed up?”

“No point asking me. I’m not the gay pope. You do it. What do you think?”