Blow(80)

He nodded in understanding and then he opened his mouth, “Elle, I should—” He stopped, paused, drew in a breath, and then took a sip from his cup. “Never mind, go on.”

I did. “Last night when I was with you, that changed. For the first time ever, I felt alive. Involved. Not removed. I wanted to feel everything. I didn’t have to go through the motions. And even when you spoke, I was okay with it. At times, I liked it.”

Logan looked stunned. Uncertain.

I knew I should clarify. Let him know I wasn’t declaring my love or laying claim to him. “Please, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean anything more other than I really enjoyed having sex with you.”

The corners of his mouth tipped up.

A shiver slowly danced down my spine at the same time a wave of embarrassment crashed over me. Heat worked its way up my body, flaming all the way to my fingers and toes, until I couldn’t take another minute of his focus and covered and my eyes. “See, I’m crazy.”

Through my fingers, I saw him set his cup next to mine. Standing, he emptied his pockets and removed his gun, and then I felt him move closer to me. The air was thick and laced with so much of whatever it was that traveled between us. But he didn’t make the moment sexual. Instead, he pulled my fingers from my face and entwined them in his. When he spoke, his voice was soft, calm. “You’re not crazy. I feel this thing too. I don’t know what it is, but please don’t tell me I f*cked it up.”

I shook my head. “Why would you still want to be with someone like me? I’m weak and pathetic.”

His fingers squeezed mine. Not roughly. More like passionately. “Don’t ever say that. Don’t even think it. You’re a strong woman who has been through a lot.”

My tears started again. “But I’m not. I’m broken and I can’t be fixed.” I almost told him the rest of my story, but I just couldn’t. Not now. Not today.

Logan’s lips found mine and he kissed me lightly. “You’re not broken,” he whispered.

I nodded, letting him know I was.

He kissed me again. “You’re not.”

He did it over and over, and eventually I started to believe him.

Maybe if I pushed that one part of me aside, I could be whole.

Even if it was only for a little while, I’d take it.





DAY 4





LOGAN


Headlights shined in the window.

My eyes scanned the two circles of white that dissolved into the darkness. Stuck somewhere between alertness and grogginess, it took me a moment to figure out where I was.

Elle’s.

Fuck!

Instantly, I snapped awake.

Drenched in a cold sweat and breathing hard, I managed to heave myself out of bed and over to the window without waking Elle. Taillights blinked down the road. I f*cking hated that she lived on a corner.

The digital clock read 2:40 and I decided to slide back into bed for another hour. I should have already left. We’d redressed when I was planning on it earlier but then she’d asked me to stay. Now, I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her I was leaving before I actually did and I didn’t want to wake her yet.

I walked the line between right and wrong.

Sometimes towed it.

But tried really hard not to cross it.

Yet, her father was a man I might just kill with my bare hands if I ever laid eyes on him. To do what he’d done to his wife and children was unforgivable, and in his case I’d take the role of judge, jury, and executioner if I had to. I didn’t know him. Didn’t know his background. I didn’t have to—he, like Tommy, was a coward of a man who preyed on women to make himself feel more like a man, and like Tommy, he was a man I’d love to bring to his knees.

Tommy, though, was forbidden territory—her father was not.

My brain started swimming with everything going on in my life, but then her body found mine and we melded together like two puzzle pieces. I found a strange peace in the feel of her skin against mine. Giving in to it, I closed my eyes and let the calmness suck me in.

I jolted awake.

Fuck, it was dawn.

I’d only meant to sleep another hour. I shouldn’t have stayed here all night with my SUV parked right in front of her place.

I knew better.

I f*cking knew better.

I did.

Needing a moment, I didn’t move. I stayed where I was, with my heart racing and my breathing as heavy as though I’d been running.

A few calming breaths had me thinking more clearly. Regardless of how reckless I felt right now, I wouldn’t have changed anything. There was no way I could have left.

She needed me.

Elle needed me and I had to be there for her.

With that very thought in my mind, I opened my eyes to look at her. She was in my arms and although I knew it was wrong, it still felt so right.

Last night we crossed a line we shouldn’t have. A line that brought us closer, and considering my current situation, that was unfair. She told me things about herself that were difficult, not only for her to say but for me to hear. She didn’t know what she was involving herself in with me. I was an * for not confessing my sins right then. She spilled her heart and I couldn’t even tell her what being with me meant to her safety. I wanted to. I tried to. I just couldn’t. I knew if I did, she’d make me go, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.