Blow(105)

Random, strange, somewhat foreign thoughts entered my head and unknown feelings swirled within me. She’d gotten under my skin, into my bones, and somehow had become a part of my soul. It could only mean one thing. Yes, I did love Elle and I was going to tell her so—right now.

The steps seemed like way too many. We were so close and still way too far apart. I turned the corner and— My hands grabbed my head.

No!

No!

No!

My world started spinning on an entirely new axis.

There she was, on the floor, with a number of opened and unopened white plastic bags surrounding her.

Fuck!

I froze.

I couldn’t breathe.

I gasped and choked.

No. No. No.

I looked at her again.

Fuck!

Sometimes you know something’s coming.

You feel it. In the air. In your gut.

You don’t sleep at night. The voice in your head is warning you, but there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

That’s how I’d felt since the day I met Elle.

The problem was—my warning bells were all wrong.

“Elle?” I’m not even sure how I managed to say her name.

Alarmed, she jumped and realizing someone was downstairs, she scurried to close the bags.

“Elle,” I repeated.

Slowly, she turned. “Logan, what are you doing here?”

My heart stopped. My pulse faded. Shock was all I felt. “You knew?” My words came out in stuttered syllables. “You were part of it all along?” My voice held disbelief.

Elle shook her head. “No. It’s not what you think.”

The small bags of cocaine were all around her and the floor was covered in some kind of white crystals.

What did she mean it wasn’t what I thought?

I wasn’t f*cking blind.

The cocaine had been transported in an endless amount of some kind of white crystals—into her boutique, and opened by her hands.

She was so f*cked.

Suddenly, my head roared with the pain and anger of her deceit. I looked at her, my heart now as hard as steel.

“Shit!” I yelled. “Fuck!” I yelled louder.

“Logan, let me explain.” She was crying, stepping toward me.

I put my hand out. “Don’t come near me.” The pitch of my voice rose with each word.

There was no way I could stand to have her touch me.

Looking frantic, she kept walking. “You have to listen to me.”

Anger ripped through me. I kicked a chair and it sailed across the basement floor.

She came to a halt.

This was all too much.

I walked up the stairs. I walked back down. I walked back up again before settling on the down. Anger and rage and a terrible fear that I couldn’t help her now consumed me.

She was standing there like a deer in headlights.

Did she have any idea what being here right now meant?

I knew she didn’t. She didn’t know that right now, right this moment, she was in jeopardy of being put away for the rest of her life. And sure as shit, she didn’t know I would be the one to do it.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

I couldn’t look at her or those green eyes.

Where was the invisible trail of magic?

What were we to her?

Nothing?

In the darkness, every emotion I’d ever felt for Elle settled in the pit of my stomach, and like the sun’s rays, it lit me up from the inside and radiated throughout my entire body.

“Logan, listen to me. Let me explain.”

Disbelief beat in my heart. I couldn’t listen to her. I couldn’t even hear her voice. I couldn’t stand her or myself right now. I had to get out of here.

In a sudden burst, I opened my eyes and ran up the stairs.

“Wait,” she called, chasing after me.

Her voice made me turn but I didn’t stop. I saw the crushed look in her eyes, the one that matched mine, but still I kept going. With a harsh pull, I yanked the door open and flew right out of it. My feet hit the pavement. My ragged breathing was sucking in the cool air. The sky was dark, but I felt darker.

What the f*ck had just happened?

Unable to contain my emotions, I screamed into the night, “Fuckkkk!” and thrust my hands toward the boutique window. When my eyes landed on it, she was there—standing in the window, watching me with fear—no, not fear, terror—in her eyes.

My cell started to ring and I pulled it from my pocket. The screen flashed, Blanchet.

This couldn’t be happening.

But it was.

When life gets you by the balls, it really gets you.

Five seconds.

I had a choice to make—my father or Elle.

And I had five seconds to do it.

Now how f*cking fair was that?

Our eyes locked.

For an endless moment I thought this wasn’t happening. A shroud of dishonesty didn’t surround her. I hadn’t opened myself up to her only to be crushed. But then her guilt presented itself. Sparked through the window. Burned my skin. Sunk its way into my bones. Corroded everything we’d had.

As if she felt it too, she covered her mouth and her nose with her hands pressed together. I was too far away to see for certain, but I was pretty sure she was trembling.

Neither of us looked away.

My gut twisted into a thousand knots.