Blood Vow (Black Dagger Legacy #2)(38)

He shook his head to clear it. “What?”

“Your mate. Has it been … a while for you? Or something? And yes, I know that that’s a personal question, but come on,” she muttered dryly, “it’s not like we aren’t already there.”

For a second, he thought she had to be fishing for compliments … but her face was open, her eyes guileless, her affect as honest as a sunrise.

She literally had no idea why she affected him as she did.

Without meaning to, he focused on her lips—which had been the original problem for him: While she had been nursing him, doing so much better a job than he had with the cleaning and Band-Aid action, he had made eye-to-mouth contact and been instantly lost in wondering what she would taste like, feel like, be like. And not just with kissing—with everything.

As in naked bodies and desperate, hungry sex on repeat until they both passed out.

“The raids cost a lot of people their family,” she whispered. “It was a hard time for all of us.”

“No one needs to tell me that.”

She went quiet as if she were waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, she shook her head. “Well, I’m sorry for whatever losses you had. I know … what that feels like.”

“Do you.”

“My cousin was murdered last month. It’s … been horrible. Especially as her brother had already been killed in the raids.”

From out of nowhere, and for no good reason he could think of, a fleeting pain lit off in his chest. “Death is always horrible. Unless it is your enemy.”

“I wouldn’t know … much about the war.”

“I’m going to go.”

After all, his head was now completely fucked, a debate raging between his rational side, which felt strongly that having sex with her on the job while at the same time confusing her with the ice-cold aristocrats who had killed his father would be totally unfair … and his bat-shit crazies, which were maintaining that sleeping with her while being paid for keeping her safe and tarring her with the same brush as those other glymera assholes was utterly logical.

“What exactly are you afraid of?” she murmured. “I find myself asking that again.”

He leveled a glare at her. “What?”

“Well, that’s just what I’m wondering. I mean, there’s nothing to be lost by sharing information and opinions and concerns as a means to a productive end—namely, you and I making it possible for me to go to school. You can ask me anything and I’ll tell you. I’m not afraid—and I guess I’m trying to reconcile this tough-guy, protective-exterior thing with how incredibly cowardly it is not to express yourself to someone else.”

Axe blinked.

Are you kidding me, he thought. Twice in one night?

“Let me ask you something,” he said.

Elise put her arms wide. “Anything. I’m an open book.”

“What is it about rich people that makes you believe you have a right to anything and everything? Not just material shit, but people’s lives, emotions, thoughts. You tell me it’s no big deal to talk about things? That I’m a fucking coward if I don’t reveal stuff about myself on demand?” He shrugged. “You don’t have any conception of my life or what I’ve been through, but unless I choose to give you that access, on your terms, on your timeline, suddenly I’m the one with the defect. You’re a stranger to me. I don’t know you. And I don’t have to get to know you. I don’t owe you any part of me.”

That shut her up.

And just as he was congratulating himself for putting her in her place, she pulled the rug out from under him. Again.

“God … you’re absolutely right.”

She walked across to her vanity, her graceful hand drifting over the silver brushes and the few compacts and lipsticks that were on it.

“I’m really sorry.” She looked over her shoulder at him and laughed awkwardly. “And to think I’m going for my doctorate in psychology. I should know more about interpersonal relating, right? Guess theory and practicality don’t always go hand in hand. I apologize.”

Annnnnnnnnd Axe blinked again.

Fuck. He hadn’t expected her to get his boundary. Much less respect it.

At a loss, he sat down at the foot of her bed.

Running his hand through his hair, he put his elbows on his knees and thought, Yeah, he really needed to get out of here and away from her.

But instead of leaving, he said, “I’ve never known anyone who’s gotten their doctorate before.”

All things considered, Elise thought, Axwelle had been right to call her on her shit: The thing that she had forgotten—and this was especially true when it came to new people—was that you had to meet folks where they were. Arousal aside, he’d never given her any indication that he was an open book, and she had pushed him too far because she had ascribed her own characteristics to him.

But she was encouraged that he hadn’t bolted out her door.

“Yes,” she said, clearing her throat. “My studies have been years and years of work. That’s why—well, that’s why I got ahead of myself just now. It’s been a huge investment of time and effort, and if I don’t complete my dissertation, I feel like it’s all been for nothing? And my father can be so hard for me to deal with. The fact that he’s given me this opportunity is a miracle, and I guess … I just don’t want to lose my shot.”