Blasphemous (Torn #3)(64)
Why? I wanted to ask, but I held back. Instead, I smiled and tried to get past him, but he was unyielding as I kept pushing past him. After a long, drawn out, disconcerted sigh, he relented and moved to the side.
A stifled groan emerged when I saw him follow me back towards my room. Walking ahead, I had to finally ask the reason why he’d been waiting for me. “I went out to shop. Weren’t you supposed to be gone already?”
“That was the schedule, but I knew after last night, we have to talk.”
Why? What the heck for? I thought as I reached for my key and went inside my suite. Placing my items on the silk-patterned sofa, I rounded towards the chaise lounge, sat and took off my shoes. This was my technique, biding time as I gathered my thoughts together.
One thing was decided, though, I didn’t need Bass messing with my emotions again. It was best to just keep him at bay. “It’s fine. Nothing happened last night, Bass. I don’t know why you’re making a big deal out of it.”
He strolled towards where I placed my shopping bags, face creased as he looked at me. “Well, I don’t feel fine.” He expressed another long, conflicted sigh.
“You look okay to me.”
“Well, I haven’t been, Em.” He tried to come closer to me, but I looked the other way, afraid of the intensity I found in his eyes.
He was five feet away and yet, when he managed to speak, it felt like he was right next to me. “The second I heard your voice, I was in turmoil, but the moment my eyes gazed on you after eight months of absence, Emma—I felt…” Bass sounded like he was struggling to speak. “I’m…” he made a soft murmur, but it felt like a caress on my ear. “Emma?”
Twisting my neck to the side to answer him with the coldness in my eyes. I gave him a defiant stare, not about to be swayed with his sweet nothings. The more I didn’t shy away from gazing at him, the more his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.
“I’m still in love with you.”
The deafening silence that followed was epic.
What the f*uking hell was he playing at? Wasn’t he with Nikki? What about Carter? What about the ring? He didn’t trust me the last time, what’s to change this time? Why, oh, why did he push me away if he only wanted me back again after all those months of hardships?
The never-ending questions kept on barging in my head, but one stood out more than the rest. A particular memory stayed fresh in my mind. “You hate feeling that, don’t you?”
Bass, for the time that I had known him, had never lied.
Hearing his answer, blatant and direct, still had a direct effect on me. “There were a lot of times that I did, but here, right this second, no.” He stepped closer, a couple of feet away from where I sat, appearing apathetic.
“I’ve fought it off, but I knew my days were numbered.” He looked away, showing a glimpse of vulnerability in him before those bottomless, lethal-blue depths penetrated my soul with one, quick, baneful thrust of the kind of magic we made together. “Last night was me accepting—surrendering—because my fate lies with you, Emma.”
Magic, we did create. Bass was a sorcerer. Weaving spells that took us higher, reaching a celestial-like paradise that we made together. It was beautiful, electrifying and indubitably powerful.
BUT the downfall was just as powerful. It was a diabolical passage of teaching you that sometimes it was better to play it safe than sorry. Carter was safe. The rest of the men were, too. Never Bass; I had always known that.
From the moment I met him, I knew he was different—unique. However, I’d rather stick with normal. Normal was predictable. Normal wouldn’t eviscerate me into a hapless person. People loved normal. So, why not join the rest of the crowd?
“Bass, a lot’s happened. I just—you can’t—why? Why now?” I shot him an accusing glare. Bass had a lot of time to come after me, but he chose not to. Even if he was telling me the truth, not much had changed.
He took a few more steps closer, almost touching my knee. Eyes so intense, body radiating a pulling power that made me want to get lost in him. “I just couldn’t hold it in any longer, Emma. It hurts to love you from a distance.”
I knew because I was feeling it, too, but that wasn’t enough anymore. “We can’t—we’re not right for each other, Bass. We don’t even out. We’re too intense with each other. Everything was too much.” My eyes sought for understanding, pleading to leave me alone. “Things have changed. This thing… the tug of war of emotions with you, I gave it all up months ago.”
Bass let out a pained groan, aimlessly walked towards the balcony and pressed the bridge of his nose as he tried to breathe.
I really wished that I was a cold-hearted bitch, then, seeing him in such an emotional state wouldn’t have made a difference for me, but dammit, it hurt to see him in pain.
Getting up, willing and yet reluctant, I reached out to him. Touching his shoulder, before he spun around—tumultuous azure clashed with determined cornflower, battling it out—until his eyes dropped on my lips, lingering.
“Don’t you… feel anything for me?” he hush-whispered, eyes still stuck on my lips.
“I feel a lot, but not the kind you’re seeking from me,” I lied. “I’ve changed, Bass.”
He gradually lifted his gaze, memorizing my face while I was dying inside. “I know. I see that you have. You’re even more beautiful since I saw you last.”