Birthday Girl(64)

Absently, I take a step, coming to the sink, and continue to try to process what I’m seeing. Cole would never do this to me. He’s not my ex. He’s not my parents.

My chest caves, too heavy to take in more air. Nausea rolls through my stomach, and bile rises up my throat.

He cups her face, kissing her, his body moving steady and strong, and they hold each other’s eyes as he enters her again and again. I can’t hear her moans, but I know she’s enjoying it.

Tears fill my eyes, I tighten my fist around the glass, and I clench my teeth. I’m angry with myself more than him. I should’ve been the one to end it when we got evicted from our apartment. I knew he only wanted me because he didn’t want to be alone. I could feel it then.

But now here we are, and he’s had the last word, hasn’t he?

My chin trembles, and the tears still over. My mom, Jay, Cole…. I am forever the most pathetic fucking person I know. I keep wishing the lousiest people wanted me. Why?

“Hey,” someone says, but the voice sounds distant. “Home early, huh? Glad you’re not wearing the corset. Did you burn it for me?”

The fridge opens, and the light pours out as someone digs in and pulls something out, but I keep staring out the window, something cold and thick slowly coating my stomach like syrup.

I can change the moment I decide.

“Jordan?” I hear Pike say. “Are you okay?”

I finally realize he’s standing next to me. The fridge door closes, and I turn to look at him, tears still wet on my cheeks.

His hazel eyes, looking amber right now, immediately narrow, concerned. But then his gaze flashes to the window, and all color drains from his face.

“Oh, Jesus,” he growls and grabs my arm, pulling me away.

I lose my composure and start gasping, drawing in heavy, shallow breaths as he veers around me and storms out the back door. I wipe the tears from my face, because I’m upset and hurt but mostly just pissed. And not entirely with Cole, either. I did this to myself. I always do this to myself.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hear Pike bark.

I hear a slosh of water, surprised voices, and a gasp.

“Shit!” Cole exclaims. “I thought you were asleep.”

“No one’s fucking asleep!”

“What?” Cole says.

No one. I think he just realized I’m home, too.

Drying my eyes, I walk across the kitchen and let my legs do the thinking.

Pushing through the back door, I descend the wooden stairs and see Elena hiding her naked body behind Cole who is still waist deep in the water.

“What is the matter with you?” Pike stalks over, picking up the towels and throwing them at his son.

He catches them and Elena snatches one, quickly covering herself as half the towel hits the water around her. She cast me scared glances.

“I thought she was at work until two,” Cole tells him, sounding guilty and speaking to his father as if I’m not here. His head is bowed, and he’s not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“So doing it behind her back is okay?”

“No, I just—”

“I can handle this,” I cut them both off, stepping up.

I surprise myself by how calm my tone is and how I’m not crying. I don’t mind crying in front of Cole, but I’m not tearing up in front of her.

Pike looks over at me, hesitating for several seconds. Finally, he turns around, and I hear the screen door shut.

As soon as he’s gone, Elena quickly runs out of the pool, tightening the towel around her as she grabs her clothes from the lawn chair.

“I’m going to go,” she says, an apologetic look on her face as her eyes dart between Cole and me. “I’m really sorry, Jordan.”

She ducks her head and rushes past me, toward the house and probably straight to the bathroom, so she can change.

I turn my eyes back on Cole. His blond hair is slicked back, and he looks at me with the same eyes he had right before he told me that Nick didn’t make it.

I wish I was angrier with him.

Mostly, I’m just disappointed.

“It’s been going on a while?” I ask.

His eyes fall, and he nods solemnly. “Since your birthday party.”

You mean the one I didn’t attend?

He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders, stepping out of the pool and wrapping the towel around his waist.

“I’ve known you a long time,” he says, “and we both needed each other a lot when this started, but you were always going to move on. You know that.”

“So why did I come here at all?” I ask him. “Why keep me around?”

I could ask myself the same questions. We were both weak, hanging on to the only good thing we each had. And we ignored how by staying together we were ruining it.

I love him. He’s my friend. How could he humiliate me like this?

“You weren’t supposed to be like him,” I told him, tears pooling again.

He looks up, knowing exactly who I’m talking about. Jay was a piece of shit. Not Cole. Cole knew what I went through. Was he trying to hurt me?

“You were my friend first,” I go on. A friend is supposed to be good to you.

But he doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say. It’s not his fault it ended. It’s just his fault it ended so badly.