Birthday Girl(38)

“Are you sure?”

He hauls himself up and climbs out of the pool, reaching out a hand for me to take.

I ignore it and the question, pushing myself up to sit on the edge again.

If he saw me go into the water, then I guess he was probably wondering what I was doing there, but still…

I almost beat the challenge.

The shirt hangs on me, heavy and wet, but I can’t take it off. There’s nothing on underneath. I cough again, clearing my throat and catching my breath. He stands next to me, quiet.

“I heard you and Cole fighting,” he finally says.

From outside? Great.

He squats down next to me, facing the water, too. I can’t imagine what he must be thinking. I’m fighting with his son, and then I’m diving fully-clothed into a pool. Yeah…

I take a deep breath, making sure to calm my tone to ease him. “I make deals with myself,” I say to him but don’t meet his eyes. “If I can do something I don’t want to do, then everything will be fine. If I do something that scares me, then I can beat whatever else comes.” I half-smile. “I don’t like to swim alone. It creeps me out. Especially at night.”

I finally turn my gaze on him. He’s staring down at the pool, listening.

“It’s a game I play with myself,” I tell him.

He nods, understanding.

“Cole doesn’t want me here,” I say, dropping my eyes as needles stab my throat. “I don’t think he wants me at all anymore.”

I don’t know why I’m telling him this, but he listens. On the rare occasions we have talked, he seems to want to hear. It’s easy with him.

“He’s young,” he explains. “We all do and say selfish things when we think we own the world.”

“Do I?” I shoot back.

I mean, I’m no angel, but I know I treat Cole better than he treats me.

Pike doesn’t say anything, but I can see him looking at me.

I’m a pushover. I walked away from my ex and my parents, but I never let them have it. I never fought back. I just ran.

Aside from my sister, Cole is all I have, and I let shit slide, because he was more to me than just a boyfriend.

“Can I ask you a question?” Pike says.

I glance at him, my heart skipping a beat at seeing his eyes cast down and locked on me. The reflection of the water makes them look cloudy blue.

“How did you and Cole meet?” he asks.

And despite my aggravation, I smile a little.

My eyes drop to the scar on my thumb, and I lick my lips. “When I was sixteen, I worked at a car wash,” I tell him. “No other girls worked there, but it was all I could find, so I gutted it out with a team full of guys.”

I feel the heat from his body next to me, and I time the rise and fall of his chest, finding myself matching it.

“I got a lot of crap,” I continue, remembering the snide comments every time I bent over or leaned into a car. “Teenage guys can be…”

“Yeah,” Pike finishes for me knowingly, humor in his voice. We exchange a grin.

He used to be a teenage guy, too, after all, I guess.

“There was a guy named Nick who always got people off my back,” I go on, remembering. “He was nice to me and talked to me. He didn’t leer or act immature.”

I absently rub my finger over the scar.

“One day he invites me to hang out, and he brings Cole along.” I look over at Pike, the anger from earlier suddenly gone now. “We all became friends, had a lot of fun, and I think I became closer to them than I have been to anyone. Except my sister, that is.”

He nods, looking like he’s thinking. And then he asks, “And you and Cole started dating? How did Nick take that?”

I turn my eyes back out at the pool, taking in a deep breath. “He never knew,” I say quietly.

Pike remains quiet, the tension in the air thick now. I said he never knew. Not he doesn’t know.

I clear my throat. “One night, a couple years ago, before Cole and I were seeing each other,” I tell him. “He and Nick were out together. Cole had too much to drink, and he passed out. Nick caught a ride home with someone else.”

Tears prick the backs of my eyes, and my mouth is so dry.

“The driver lost control of his truck, it rolled, and all the kids in the back of the bed went tumbling out.”

“Oh, my God,” he says under his breath, dropping his head.

I finish. “Nick was caught under. He died a couple days later.”

I squeeze my fists to try to keep from crying. He was the only person I knew who died. It wasn’t like my mom leaving. Nick didn’t want to go. He lived for video games, and his hair was always hanging over his glasses, and I miss all of his quirks.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to his little brother’s Nerf gun that we all used and all skinned our thumbs on.

“Jesus Christ,” Pike mumbles. “How did I not know about that? I faintly remember hearing something, but I didn’t know Cole was friends with anyone in that accident.”

I sit up straight and nod. “Yeah, Cole…” I pause, trying to find my words. “He had a hard time getting over it.”

Pike’s eyes narrow on me.

“He was supposed to be Nick’s ride that night,” I explain.