Big Easy Temptation (The Perfect Gentlemen #3)(70)

Dax wasn’t a fish. Nope. He was a nasty shark and he’d taken a chunk out of her hide. She’d let him off the hook, and if she was smart, she’d keep it that way.

Why couldn’t she get him out of her head? Why did she now feel like shit that she’d given him that damn file of information? She also hadn’t deleted her copy. Oh, no. She was sitting at her kitchen table studying it. She’d been ready to hit the delete key. For some reason, she simply couldn’t.

This information was her last tie to him. Well, to the him he used to be. She had to view it that way. That Dax Spencer was gone. Maybe he’d always been an illusion since he’d turned on her the minute he could.

She slammed the stupid laptop lid shut because now she was lying to herself. He hadn’t. He’d seen that money trail and he’d believed her. If she’d given him a hint that she hadn’t been guilty, he would have trusted her word over all the proof in the world. She couldn’t fault him for that.

But then he’d gone right out and married her best friend. He’d had a ring for her, his grandmother’s. He’d been planning that trip for them and he’d replaced her as if she’d meant nothing, as if she were interchangeable.

Now Courtney was married again, from what she’d heard. She was also pregnant and happy. Dax had bought her a house to celebrate their divorce. She’d cheated on him while he’d been away at war and Dax had all but rewarded her.

He hadn’t even called tonight. Somehow she’d thought he would call. She’d expected it all afternoon. She’d sat and watched the phone, waiting for the moment when he realized he’d been terribly wrong about her.

But nothing.

He’d grown cold. Had she done that to him? Or had other forces combined to change him? Had losing Mad been the thing to push him over the edge from happy boy to bitter man?

He hadn’t seen her at Crawford’s funeral. She’d slipped into New York and attended with the thousand or so mourners because Mad had meant something to her, too. Even if all the Perfect Gentlemen hated her now, at one point, she’d been friends with them.

It was hard to believe that Mad was dead and Gabe Bond was getting married. Zack had settled well into his presidency, while Roman still ate their opponents for breakfast. And Connor . . . his activities were probably top secret. But they’d all moved on while she was stuck here.

Those tears she’d been so good about not shedding now rolled from her eyes, making the world a watery mess and scalding her cheeks. So much time wasted. All gone and all for nothing. Dax was back on the case. She should have known she couldn’t derail him forever. She’d merely bought him a few more years.

Damn it, she’d cut her heart out and forfeited her future so he could have a good life.

A loud knock on her door jerked Holland from her thoughts. She swiped at her tears and glanced at the clock. Seven thirty. It seemed later. She had to wonder which of her coworkers had come by to check on her. She’d gotten a call from Gemma earlier. It looked as if everyone knew Dax was back in town. The receptionist hadn’t been able to keep it under wraps. The minute they’d gotten out of their meeting, she’d told everyone she could about Captain Awesome’s return, followed quickly by Holland hightailing it out the door.

She thought seriously about not answering the knock, but if she didn’t it was entirely possible that Gemma would simply break in. Her partner wasn’t good at letting things slide.

Holland opened the door and then wished she’d cleaned up.

Dax stood there with a bottle of wine in one hand and a pizza in the other. What looked to be a bouquet of flowers was clutched under his right arm. Lilies. His face softened as he looked at her. “Hey.”

She slammed the door and locked it. Damn him. He’d caught her crying. At the office, she’d managed to keep her dignity and leave before he’d seen her tears. Now he’d messed it all up.

He knocked again, the sound softer this time. She stared at the door like it was a snake ready to bite her. She hated this feeling. She wasn’t a teenage girl, but she was crying like one.

“Holland, sweetheart? I’m going to leave the flowers and the wine and pizza here, all right? I’m going to go, but I wanted you to know how sorry I am for what happened. I know you can’t forgive me, but I just wanted . . .” He sighed. “Damn it, I wanted to give you something even if it’s nothing more than dinner and flowers.”

He sounded like the old Dax. Kinder. His voice again held that hint of Southern accent no amount of prep school had been able to completely destroy. It was the way he’d talked to her when he’d loved her.

Said he’d loved her. No man who loved a woman could possibly marry her best friend the very next day.

She wasn’t going to engage him. She would ignore him and move on with her life.

His boots thudded as he went down the stairs. She felt like an idiot, but she stared through the peephole and watched as he retreated, the door that led out to the street opening and closing.

She had to change the code on that door. She hadn’t thought to before since Dax had been gone. Besides him, only Gemma and a few coworkers had the digits that would get them up the stairs to her front door. Over the years she’d had some coworkers get her mail and water her plants while she was away. The security company forced her to change her door code once a year, but no one cared that she was lazy with the building code.