Beyond the Consequences (Book 5 of the Consequences Series)(29)

Claire looked back up. “It’s what I want. I’m tired of the way they make me feel. I want to be me—totally me.”

“You are you,” Tony encouraged. “Listen to your doctor.”

“I am.” Claire’s neck stiffened and her tone dripped with her pent-up angst. “Talk to her if you want. She said it could be done. We just need to monitor everything. I’m not crazy,” she added defensively.

His warm embrace pulled her closer. “I didn’t say that. No one said that. Well…” He chuckled. “I suppose there are quite a few who’ve thought we’re both crazy for being back together, but for the most part, those people don’t really know us. If you have to be crazy to let me back into your life…” He gently kissed her lips. “…then, Mrs. Rawlings, I’m glad you are.”

Pulling her hand, Tony led her away from the window toward the sofa. “How about if I start a fire, or are you ready for bed?”

Claire tilted her head to the side. “A fire would be nice. I’d like to talk for a little bit.”

“Or,” he said with more than a hint of his devilish grin, “we could do something else?”

It was the tone that stirred her, the one she craved. Yet right now she needed to face her fears. Dr. Brown was right. Having a baby wasn’t a unilateral decision. Claire needed to be honest with her husband. Feigning a smile, Claire replied, “Let’s talk first. You can start the fire, and I’ll get ready for bed.”

Tony nodded as he turned toward the large fireplace. Though it wasn’t as massive as the one in their old estate, it had the similarity that always caused Claire to pause: her portrait hung directly above the mantle. Nichol called it Claire’s princess picture. Perhaps she wasn’t truly a princess; however, she’d felt like one on that day. Their first wedding was like a fairytale, fast and make-believe. What they shared at that time wasn’t like the love they had today. Their paths had taken them on some dark journeys and somehow they found their way back together. Their love today was deeper and more intense than it had been. It had been tested by fire—like the one Tony was building—and came back stronger.

“Claire?”

Her attention shifted to her husband. “Yes?”

“You haven’t moved. Didn’t you say you were going to get ready for bed?”

She looked down at herself. “Yes, I guess I’m thinking about too much. I’ll be right back.”

Moments later, she came from their large attached bath, clad in a nightgown and robe. With her face washed and teeth brushed, she gave Tony’s cheek a mint-flavored kiss and tugged his hand to move him toward the sofa. Once he sat, she settled in front of him, her back against his chest. Reaching for his large hand, she wrapped herself in his arms.

His voice murmured near her ear. “Now, my dear, what has you so lost in thought? What do you want to talk about?”

With a sigh, Claire relaxed against his chest. “I want to talk about the medication thing. I want you to be honest with me.”

“I’m always honest with you. Are you saying that you’re not?”

“No. I don’t think I was dishonest… not on purpose. But today while I was talking to Dr. Brown I realized something.”

Tony let out a long breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many ways or how many times I need to say it, but I am.”

Claire peered over her shoulder. His dark eyes swirled with remorse. Momentarily, with her concentration on the prospect of having another baby, she’d forgotten the memories she’d been confronting at the window. Suddenly, the sadness in his gaze and tone brought them all back. Reaching up to his cheek, Claire gently palmed the five o’clock shadow. “Tony, that’s not what I want to talk about. We’ve talked it to death. It’s funny. I didn’t even make the association with the date until a few minutes ago. I think that’s a good thing.”

“So that wasn’t what you and Dr. Brown discussed today?”

“No, believe it or not, it wasn’t. Like I said, I hadn’t even thought about it until a little while ago.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it all day. I’ve been watching you, waiting for you to bring it up. I thought you were just trying to spare me by not mentioning it.”

“Tony…” her voice held more of a plea than she wanted to admit “…I’ll talk about it if you want. I’m also fine with not making a big deal about it. Hell, we have anniversaries of many things all the time. Seven years ago…” She felt him tense behind her. “…I woke up on this estate. Today it’s our home, one we share with our daughter.”

“The thing is,” Tony began, “I know it was wrong. The world knows it was wrong. Hell, I spent two years paying the price for it being wrong.” His voice softened. “And you’ve paid more than that, but right now, with the two of us here and Nichol down the hall, I can’t say I regret bringing you here. I should, but I don’t.”

Claire closed her eyes and swallowed. “Maybe we are both crazy?”

Tony’s arms tightened around her. “What does that mean? You regret it?”

“No, I don’t. I regret many things. Being with you right here, right now, isn’t one of them.”