Beyond What is Given(54)

She left. I froze, staring at the empty doorframe.

I should leave. I can’t be here. But I couldn’t just leave, either. I couldn’t walk out and pretend that Grace didn’t matter, even if the situation brought a whole new meaning to awkward.

Turning slowly, I tried to swallow, my throat suddenly dry from the hospital air. Pretend she’s not…you know…comatose. The chair. Right. I could sit for a little bit.

The armchair next to her bed was surprisingly comfy, except for the lump under my butt. I reached under and pulled out a black hoodie. I didn’t even have to look at it to know whose it was because it smelled like Grayson. Just like that was his backpack leaned against the wall.

I brought the hoodie to my nose and inhaled the scent a little more. Need slammed through me—the need to hold him, heal him, touch him. “I wish I could figure him out,” I said to no one…to Grace, really. “He has these walls no human can climb. Or maybe I’m not the human he needs.” Pain streaked from my heart, radiating through the rest of my limbs as though I’d physically been stabbed. Knowing I wasn’t the one he needed was one thing, but saying it out loud was brutal, crushing. I folded the hoodie neatly and laid it across my lap before I looked over at Grace. “I think he needs you. I see that now, the way he comes here all the time.”

Her mouth hung slightly slack as her head rested on the pillows. “I feel like a lunatic talking to you like this. You’re his girlfriend, and I’m his…” I dropped my head into my hands. “God, I don’t even know what I am. The girl he kisses because he can’t kiss you? No. I know that’s not true. He’s not the kind of man to do that to someone.

“He’s… He’s Grayson. He doesn’t only save me; he inspires me to save myself, to change. He lets me in long enough for me to start falling for him, to want this life I have no right to ask for, and then he shuts me out. And it’s not like he pushes me away. He’s too good a guy to do that. He disappears into himself, this little world where I can’t follow. When he does that, I can see him, touch him, but part of me wonders if he’s really here…with you. If he’ll ever really be mine.” Could I truly fall for him, knowing that I’d only have half of him, if that? There was a piece of Grayson that would always belong here, with Grace, but how big of a piece?

Was there even a way to compete? She was perfection in his memory, and I had more flaws than could be counted.

My eyes burned, and I blinked back tears. “I guess what I’m trying to say, as convoluted as it’s coming out, is that I want what’s best for him.” I reached for her hand and took it in mine. Her fingers were long, elegant, as I knew she had been. I imagined her dancing in Grayson’s arms, the perfect picture of a high-school romance turned lifetime love. They would have complimented each other, her lithe frame and his strength. Their genetics alone would have made gorgeous babies. But their fairy tale had a nightmare ending.

And then there was me, coming along after Prince Charming was broken, trying to cram my oversized foot into Cinderella’s slipper, willing to cut myself to the bone to make it fit.

“I am so sorry for what’s happened to you. For what’s happened to both of you. Neither of you deserved any of this. From what I’ve heard, I know that in his life, you are the love story. And I know that I’m standing here with a second-place ribbon stuck to my heart, but he’s worth it. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s strong, and smart, and loyal, and he… He makes me want to be the person he sees in me. And maybe I’m selfish for taking what I know isn’t mine, but I’m really hoping that I can make him happy.” I smiled through the lone tear that crept down my face. “You know, as happy as Grayson gets. But I’m really praying that you’d be okay with us, if you’re listening. Because he needs you—I see that now. But I need him so badly.”

She blinked, and I gasped. “You blinked. Oh my God. You blinked.” I had to tell someone. A nurse. Right? Yes. I jumped out of my chair and nearly ran over the guy walking in.

He caught me by the shoulders, and I looked into a pair of concerned brown eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“She blinked!” I squeaked.

His eyes drifted to Grace and back to me. “Yes. She does that.”

Now it was my turn to blink. “Brain-dead people don’t blink.”

He tilted his head to the side and smiled. Wow, this guy was actually really good-looking. Maybe a little too soft, too boy-next-door for me, but good-looking nonetheless. “She’s not brain dead. At least I don’t think so. Medical opinions vary.” He stepped back and dropped his hands. “Hi, I’m Owen, a friend of Grace’s. You are?”

Owen. That name should mean something, but I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it. I forced a polite smile, still a little shaken. “I’m Sam. I’m a friend of Grayson’s.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Gray? Is he here?”

Was that panic in his eyes? “No. I mean, his stuff is, but I haven’t seen him.”

“Then I’ll only stay a minute.” His eyes swept over me. “You know, you don’t look like his type.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. “Because I’m not a blond white girl?”

He startled. “No, no. You’re gorgeous. You’re just not…” His eyes shot over me to Grace again. “Comatose. He hasn’t shown interest in anyone since Grace’s accident.”