Beyond What is Given(22)

“Grayson!” Her mom greeted me at the door, her blond hair perfectly styled, leaning up to hug me. “We’ve sure missed you. I know your visit is just what she needs.”

“How is she?” I asked, more out of habit than anything.

“She misses you, I can tell. She always perks up when you’re here. Parker’s been by a bunch, but it’s not the same.”

Parker has been here? “Yes, ma’am, well, if you don’t mind, I’d love to see her.”

“Of course! Why don’t you head on up?”

I took the familiar stairs two at a time, a thousand memories of my childhood assaulting me. How could they not? I’d basically grown up in this house with my best friend. Grace, me…and Owen. Asshole.

I knocked on Grace’s bedroom door and pushed it open.

She sat, half reclined in bed, watching something on television, her blonde hair draped around her shoulders, and my chest tightened. She was still pretty, but that beauty that had always shone through had dimmed. I imagined her smile, how she’d turn to me with her eyes lit up, arms outstretched, but that wasn’t going to happen. Her bed depressed under my weight as I sat next to her and brushed my lips across the smooth skin of her forehead, inhaling her lavender shampoo’s scent. Her brown eyes were open, but she didn’t so much as look my way.

“Hey baby, I’m home.”





Chapter Eight


Sam


“It’s not as bad as it sounds, Mom.” I forced a smile for her benefit. Because seriously, what was she going to do from Afghanistan? Hug me?

“Oh really?” Her voice sounded shrill even from six-thousand miles away. She ran her hands over her face and sighed. I saw exhaustion clearly cut into her features, from the weight she’d lost in her face to the circles under her eyes.

There was no way in hell I was going to add to the stress she was under, no matter how many of my buttons she pushed.

“Really. It’s not like Jagger is charging me rent—”

“No. I’ve told you before you’re not going to let some guy take care of you financially. I expect you to stand on your own, Sam.”

“And I will. I am. I actually got a job last week at a gym—”

“You what?” she whispered in her I’m-going-to-kill-you-when-I-get-my-hands-on-you voice.

Air whistled through my teeth as I sucked it in slowly to maintain control. Mom was the perfect officer, steadfast, loyal, smart. But all those qualities that propelled her forward in her uniform sometimes came at a cost, and right now it was compassion in my general direction. “It’s a good job, Mom, mostly admin. It’s not my life’s ambition or anything, but it will hold me over and pay bills while I find my feet.”

“Find them. Now. Because whatever you’re doing is completely unacceptable. You’ve been kicked out of college, can’t seem to find another one to accept you, and now you’re shacked up with three men. I honestly don’t know how this all happened in the last six months. I didn’t bust my ass raising you alone to have you do…whatever it is you’re doing!”

Six months, is that all it had been? Six months since she found out I’d been expelled, anyway. I’d let everything just…slip away. Over what? A pretty smile? Sex?

My control snapped. “You don’t think I know the knee-deep crap I’m in right now? I don’t need you to lay it out like I don’t know. I’m here, and you’re not. You never are.” I was on my own.

“That’s not fair.” She rubbed her temples.

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake, Mom? Because that whole math-major thing tells me that you were pregnant at my age, right? Did you bounce back from that? No. How do I know that? The only memory I have of my father is his back as he walked away. My already-married father. Right?”

Her mouth hung open long enough for me to suck in my breath reflexively. Shit. It had been four years since I’d thrown that out there, the same length of time as the affair that had decimated my family, but only wounded his marriage. “Mom. I’m so sorry. I never meant… I’m so sorry. I know what you did for me, what you’ve been through for me.” How could I judge her? After what I’d done? Taboo relationships. Guess the apple didn’t fall far from that tree, eh?

She closed her mouth slowly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve done everything I can to make up for you not having him in your life.”

“I know. He already had a family and didn’t want me, or you, and it’s his loss. I just… Mom, I need you to remember what it was like to be my age and maybe cut me a little slack. I’m underwater. I know that. You know that. So you can ease up on me until I start treading water, or you can drown me.”

Silence dominated as we stared back at each other, six thousand miles apart in more than distance. Finally, her shoulders dropped a fraction.

“I love you, baby. I know I’m hard on you. I’m just stuck here, and I can command this entire brigade, but I can’t seem to keep a grip on my own daughter. You’re slipping away so quickly. As soon as I get home, I want you to move back in with me. We’ll figure this mess out together. Just another month.”

I shook my head. “No, Mom. Then I’d be dependent on you instead of these guys. I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me. Please. I have a plan, just…have a little faith in me. I’ll find a way to get back into Colorado.” I couldn’t do it—move home like I needed to lick my wounds.