Beneath the Scars (Masters of the Shadowlands #13)(108)

And despair. Her shoulders slumped.

“Do you still think he won’t show up at your door?” Gabi asked softly.

“I told him we were done.”

“I bet you told him you didn’t date, either.” Zuri tilted her head. “Did he listen?”

“That’s…different. Love sounds nice, but face it; I’m not a stress-free girlfriend. I have old baggage. My son might be involved with arson and says he hates Holt. I kicked the man out of my house and said we’re done. Of course, he’s going to cut his losses.”

“Ah.” Gabi reached over to rub Josie’s shoulder. “Let’s say Holt has a daughter, a handicapped one, who is annoying. Would you kick him to the curb?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay.” Gabi continued, “When you and Carson have a fight and he yells at you, do you boot him out?”

Josie glared. “No.”

“I see. So…why do you feel Holt has less relationship stamina and loyalty than you do?”

Josie blinked. Because…because…he was male? Only that was totally sexist. She did know men who’d been married for decades, ones who were faithful. Loyal.

“Sooner or later, every relationship ends up stormy, but the good ones weather it.” Gabi tilted her head. “Do you think you’re not worthy of the effort to maintain a relationship?”

“I…” Josie pulled in a breath. Maybe? She…was worthy, wasn’t she? Did she really have such poor self-esteem? No, sheesh, she liked herself. Was worthy of love. “Boy, you’re really straightforward, aren’t you?”

Gabi grinned. “Only with people who value honesty. I can tiptoe if I need to, but you’re not fragile, Josie. You just have a blind spot, because you were hurt in the past. You need to think about it.” She dusted her hands together. “Ladies, my work here is done, and it’s getting late.”

Josie glanced at the clock and nodded. “I need to fetch my son. Zuri, we should be getting back.”

“Let’s go.” Zuri jumped to her feet.

On the way out, Josie gave Linda and Gabi hugs. “Thank you for the”—she smiled—“the intervention. And the advice and hand holding.”

She bumped shoulders with Zuri on the way to the car. “Thank you, too. I needed this.”

Zuri put an arm around her waist. “One of the nicest things I learned over the last year was that I could—and should—ask for help and that I would receive it.”

“That’s nice.” If Josie went over to Holt’s and asked for help and forgiveness, what would he do? Her heart gave a stutter of hope.

However, as they turned into Josie’s drive, her fragile hope sank into a black abyss.

Holt’s side of the duplex was dark and silent.

*

Carson closed the door behind him with a breath of relief. Homework and soccer practice had saved him.

Tryouts were coming up, and all the guys—the ones who really wanted to make the team—were practicing after school together. After soccer, he’d gone to Yukio’s to work on their English project. When Mom’d picked him up, she’d wanted to talk, but he still had stuff to finish tonight. First time he’d ever been glad to have homework.

When Carson sat down at his desk, Poe jumped into his lap, pushy-pawing and purring. “I’m so glad you’re here, cat,” Carson whispered.

Mom’d said tomorrow they’d talk about the fire in Mr. Jorgeson’s classroom…because she knew he’d been involved. She knew. And she looked disappointed…and sad.

His stomach ached, and his eyes burned. He didn’t need his mother—it wasn’t like he was a baby—but still…she was his mom and compared to other moms, she was really cool. She let him do a lot, because she trusted him not to screw up.

It felt shitty that he had.

He kinda hadn’t realized how bad he’d messed up, not right away. If Brandon had told him first, he’d never have agreed to start a fire but, after it was too late, he’d figured it served Jorgeson right. Wasn’t all that bad.

But when Holt’d asked Carson about the arson stuff, he’d been…not happy. At all. The way Holt’d talked, starting a fire really was bad.

If Carson’d broke the law by being there, what if they made him and Mom pay for what got burned?

He stared out his window at Holt’s side of the duplex. All dark. At least, he wasn’t here butting in and getting Mom upset.

Poe’s tail started to lash, and Carson realized he was petting the cat awful hard and fast. “Sorry, Poe.”

Poe was right—it wasn’t Holt’s fault. The guy was a firefighter. Guess that made fires his business.

“It’s just…I liked him,” Carson whispered to Poe. The times watching football and playing soccer had been awesome. And if not for Holt, Carson wouldn’t have Poe. He was cool to talk with and didn’t act like Carson was a stupid kid. And—Carson felt the ache in his belly increase—when those two muggers had attacked, Holt’d saved him.

Poe stared up at him, yellow-green eyes unblinking. Well?

“I messed up. Should’ve told him and Mom I was there. And I will.” He didn’t have to tell them who else had been at the school. Mom’d figure it out. She knew he’d gone to Brandon’s that day.