Beneath This Man(160)

'I do understand, Jesse, because I feel the same!' I yell. 'Even though you've f*cked me over completely, I still f*cking love you and I f*cking hate myself for it. So don't you dare tell me I don't understand!'

'It's not possible.' He grasps the tops of my arms and pulls me forward on a hiss. 'It's just not f*cking possible!' His voice is severe. He really does believe that.

I let him pull me into his chest and smother me, but I can't even put my arms around him. I'm emotionally drained and completely numb. My strong, dominant playboy is reduced to a frightened, desperate soul. I want my fierce Jesse back.

'I'm going to get something to clean you up with.' I struggle from his fighting arms. 'Jesse, I need to clean you up.'

'Don't walk away from me.'

I break free and stand myself up. 'I said I would never leave you. I meant it.' I turn and leave him on his knees, walking from his office in a complete daze.

I'm not going to get anything to clean his back up. A bit of attention on his wounds is not going to prove anything. There is only one way I can get him to comprehend that I understand how he feels. And if that's what it takes, then I'll do it.

I bypass the toilets, the busy bar and the restaurant quickly. I don't need to be seeing Kate, or any of the others, for that matter. And if I clap eyes on Sarah, then I'm likely to end up at a police station because I won't stop thrashing her with that whip until I've sliced her in half. Anyway, it won't be long before he comes looking for me, so I need to be quick.

I reach the entrance hall and take the stairs two at a time, walking quickly around the gallery landing and ignoring the women's harsh stares. But then I spot her. I know I should keep going. I know I should resist the temptation to throttle her, but the overwhelming urge gets the better of me.

I approach her. She's chatting to a few female members, no doubt filling them in on the events of the past hour. She's still kitted out in her leather gear, whip still in hand. I stop behind her, the other women silencing immediately. Obviously curious to the sudden halt in conversation, she turns to face me. Her expression is superior, with a little sick satisfaction mixed in there too. My blood boils as she stands in front of me, relaxed in her pose, twirling the whip in her grasp.

'You sent me a text from John's phone.' I accuse calmly.

She almost laughs. 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Of course you don't.' I shake my head disbelievingly. 'You also let me into The Manor when I discovered the communal room.'

'Now, why would I do that?' she asks cockily.

'Because you want him.' My voice is amazingly calm, considering my blood is boiling and I'm physically shaking. I can feel the other women's stares burning through my skin. I spread my gaze over all of them. 'You all want him.'

None of them say a word. They all stand there watching me, probably anticipating my next move.

Sarah can't keep her trap shut, though. 'No, little girl, we've all had him.'

I snap.

My fist bunches and flies out, cracking her clean across her botox pumped face, sending her staggering back on her heels and to her arse. I don't stop there. I grab her hair in the most unladylike, cattish fashion and haul her up, pinning her against the wall by her throat. Shocked gasps ring out through the air before silence falls and the only sound is Sarah's stunned breathing.

'You EVER lay a finger on him again, requested or not, and I won't stop until I've snapped every bone in your f*cking body. Do you understand me?'

Her eyes are wide. I can feel her shaking under my hold.

'DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?' I scream the words in her face. I've lost control.

'Yes.' she squeaks quietly, shifting under my vice grip of her throat. I'm restricting her breathing.

I release her and she crumbles to the floor in a heap of leather, gasping and gripping at her neck. I'm shaking with anger as I turn and absorb the shocked expressions of many witnesses, all standing in stunned silence. I don't need to say anymore. I've made my point pretty clear to Sarah and every other person stood observing my meltdown. I leave them all and carry on my way to my original destination, shaking violently, breathing heavily. As I reach the bottom of the stairs to the communal room, I waiver for a few seconds, but as soon as I remember Jesse's words, I race up the stairs with nothing but adrenalin and determination coursing through my veins.

I enter the dimly lit communal room, ignoring the few scenes playing out in front of me, while trying to blank out the erotic music that's invading my hearing. I'm not here to be turned on. I head to the right and find myself where I want to be.