Beloved (Toni Morrison Trilogy #1)(87)

As my muscles coil, Jackson rears back and plunges hard, causing my orgasm to rip through me. “Yes! Jackson!” I shriek over and over as he f*cks me until he finally releases.

I’m pressed against the wall as we both try to slow our breathing. That was the best sex I’ve ever had. Then I realize why it felt so different—no condom. Jackson slides out and kisses the top of my nose. I love when he does that. It’s sweet and tender. Our eyes meet before I go to the bathroom to clean up. When I come back, Jackson’s sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

“Well that was one helluva a hello.” I laugh as I sit beside him.

His shoulders are hunched even after I sit. “I didn’t plan that.”

“I’m not complaining.” I raise my brow, giving him a playful smirk.

He pulls me against his chest with a chuckle. “Good to know. Also, I’ll make a mental note—you’re more agreeable when I f*ck it out of you.”

“Asshole.” I feign anger and slap his chest. “Maybe next time I’ll refuse to answer.”

“Go ahead. It’ll just make it that much more fun to get you to agree.” His smirk reaches his eyes, fully erasing the expression he wore when he first arrived.

Jackson gazes at me with reverence. It warms me, offering reassurance in my decision to let him in, find happiness again, and stop running from fear. Some of my newfound peace comes from dealing with my father’s death. Another part is because I did push Jackson away and it forced me to see how life without him would be.

His thumb whispers across my lower lip, releasing a flurry of butterflies in my belly. A simple touch says so much. “You felt so f*cking amazing. I couldn’t think straight.” He looks away with regret in his eyes.

My lips part as I kiss his thumb, enjoying how his eyes close at my touch. I look up from beneath my lashes. “We probably should’ve talked before this, but we’re good. I’m on birth control.” I smile.

Jackson gives a crisp nod. “Yeah, we probably should’ve.”

“Well neither of us thought about it, so I guess we both f*cked up.”

Lacing his fingers with mine, his voice drops to a sad whisper. “We need to talk.”

“About?” I try to keep my voice steady. My heart begins to race as doubt seeps through me. Please tell me we aren’t going to go back now. I told him I was his. He pushed me to answer him. I’ve allowed myself to admit I love him. This would devastate me.

His phone rings again, but he silences it.

“The last few days were horrible. I know you thought you needed space, but I won’t be pushed away again. If you push me, I’ll push harder. I’m not your piece of shit ex who’s going to run away like a *.” His eyes pierce through me as he squares his shoulders. “I meant it. You’re it for me.” The sincerity rings clear in his voice.

I want to tell him. Tell him how I won’t run. How I can’t run away anymore. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. My heart clenches as I gather my strength and prepare to lay it all out for him.

“Jackson—” His phone rings again, halting me from saying anything more. He groans at the incessant ringing. “Go ahead and grab that. I’m not going anywhere.” I give him a reassuring smile.

Jackson stands, walking toward the window as he answers the phone. “What?” he says in a clipped tone.

I get up to gather the clothes we shed by the door when I hear him slam his hand against the wall. Looking over, I see his shoulders are slumped as he listens to whoever’s on the other line. “An IED?” He stops talking for a moment. “Casualties?”

I stop moving. I watch Jackson, waiting to hear what happened. It happens so fast. Jackson rears his fist back and punches a hole in the wall. My mouth is agape as I watch him continue to slam his hand against the wall. His face is contorted in pain. He looks … defeated. Do I comfort him? I don’t know what’s wrong or why he’s so upset.

He yells into the receiver, “How f*cking many?”

The pain in his voice breaks me. Something’s wrong—very wrong. I walk over to him, but he puts his hand up to stop me.

His entire body is shaking and his voice cracks when he asks, “Aaron?” A short pause. “Fuck! No …” The sound that comes from his chest tears through me. It’s a cry and a scream all mixed into one, and I’m sure it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Immediately, tears begin to form in his eyes. I want to go to him, but he turns his back to me.

I start putting the pieces together. Aaron is his buddy that works for him. He was also on the mission in Afghanistan, the one where they lost friends. He was going to maybe handle something overseas? My hand covers my mouth as I start to draw conclusions.

His hands fist into his hair as he leans forward with his head against the wall. I pray this isn’t what I think it is. He can’t lose another friend.

Please, God, don’t do this to him.

“I can’t—” he says but stops as a tear falls from his eye. “No! I’ll call her. Get the f*cking plans in motion. We leave tonight! I don’t give a shit what you have to do. Wake everyone—we’re wheels up in three hours.” His phone tumbles to the floor as he stands there with a vacant look.

Jackson’s chest is heaving with exaggerated breaths. Hesitantly, I take a step toward him.