Being Me(Inside Out 02)(46)

His leg twines with mine and he wraps his arms around me.
I feel protected, cared about, and, to my utter shock, immensely emotional. My eyes prickle and there is a storm brewing inside me that I cannot seem to control. Tears spill from my eyes and a sob slips from my throat. Then I am bawling uncontrollably, my body quaking along with my emotions.
Embarrassed, I try to get up, but Chris holds me to him, burying his face in my neck. “Just let it happen, baby.”
And I do, because I really have no choice. How long I cry, I do not know, but when it ends, I bury my face in my hands, ashamed by my lack of control. Chris strokes my hair in that gentle way I’m coming to love, and hands me a tissue. I swipe at my eyes, wishing my nose didn’t feel like it had a clothespin on it.
Still I don’t look at him. “I don’t know what happened.”
He turns me to face him and captures my let with his. “It’s the adrenaline rush,” he explains, then slides a pillow underneath both our heads. “It happens to a lot of people.”
“I thought the idea was pleasure through pain, not a meltdown.”
“You have to find your hot spots and your limits.” He brushes my hair behind my ear. “I knew from our pink paddle conversation that you wanted to try this, or I wouldn’t have gone where we did tonight.”
I remember the moment I thought Chris wasn’t angry anymore, yet he still spanked me. “So you’ve changed your mind about exploring darker interests with me?”
“I was never unwilling to explore with you, Sara. But I have hard limits that won’t change.”
“What does that mean?”
“No clubs. No collars. No canes and whips. No Master and Submissive roles.” His eyes twinkle with mischief. “As long as you understand I’m in charge, that is.”
I laugh and I know he’s keeping things lighthearted and somewhat avoiding my question, but I decide to let him slide on everything but the control issue. “During sex only.”
He wiggles a brow. “We’ll see about that.”
“No. We won’t.”
“Then maybe I should tie you to the bed,” he suggests and pulls me close, and I’m not sure he’s entirely joking.
“I guess I should be glad you didn’t think of that while you were still angry. You were pretty intense.”
His mood does the one-eighty shift I’ve come to expect from him and his voice becomes somber. “I’m still pissed as hell at you, Sara, but you need to know that I’d never touch you if I had anything but your pleasure as my motivation. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy driving you insane like you did me tonight. I did. You shouldn’t have gone to Alvarez’s alone.”
My defenses bristle. “Chris—”
He leans in and kisses me. “It’s your job. I get that. But if you think I’m going to let that stop me from protecting you, you’re wrong. Don’t leave your phone in your coat next time.”
I purse my lips. “Don’t assume the worst of me next time.”
“You mean the journal.”
“Yes,” I say in agreement. “It hurt that you thought I would lie to you.”
“I’m sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose.”
None of the many dominant males I’ve known in my life would apologize so easily. To me, this speaks of confidence, not weakness.
“My reaction wasn’t about trust,” he continues. “It was about how crazy it makes me to think you might judge me by other people’s actions.” Then tenderness lightens his eyes. “I don’t have to leave until late tomorrow. I know what your first reaction is going to be, but hear me out. I’d like it if you could work it out to fly back with me.”
I open my mouth to object and he kisses me, his tongue stroking mine in a slow, sensuous caress. “Hear me out,” he repeats.
“You convinced me.”
“To come with me?”
I smile. “To hear you out.”
“There are a number of big names involved in the activities over the next few days who I know Mark would salivate to get as clients. Your going is an investment for him.”
“Like who?”
“Maria Mendez. She’s never shown her work with Allure. I think she can be convinced to donate a painting and use Riptide to manage the sale. Nicolas Matthews, the New York Jets star quarterback, will also be there. While he’s not an artist, I believe getting a Riptide donation would be as easy as handing him a football and pen to sign it.”
The possibility of going on this trip with Chris excites me.
“You think it’s enough to get Mark to support me going?”