Beg You to Trust Me (Lindon U #2)(6)

My parents tried to do everything to get me to change my mind about coming here for college, but they accepted my decision and paid for it in full despite their hesitation. I had to promise to be on my best behavior, which had made me roll my eyes as if they had anything to worry about. I’m not the child who got too many parking tickets and ended up getting my car towed and impounded, or the one who got so drunk that I was arrested for public indecency.

But I am the one who went to my first ever college party, drank when my roommate kept putting cups of gross, warm alcohol in my hand, and then woke up alone in a strange room without my pants on and a sexually transmitted disease.

I think I would have rather gotten my Volkswagen Bug towed or been arrested for streaking topless if I were being honest with myself. The things my sisters did required a little extra ass kissing and a lot more batted lashes before my father was wrapped around their fingers again. If he ever found out what I did, he probably wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye. I can barely look at my reflection without staring at my lips and wondering whose I let touch them or study my body and try pinpointing the second I’d made up my mind about who I let touch it that night.

Disgusting alcohol.

Loud music.

Kissing.

That’s what my first party boils down to in memories.

“Dude.” The sound of my roommate’s voice stirs me from the textbook I’ve been staring at absentmindedly for the past who knows how long. I’ve read the same paragraph at least four times without soaking up any of the information, so I close it and turn to Becca as she eyes me in exasperation. “What’s your deal?”

I met Becca on the Incoming Freshman Facebook page for Lindon U. It was a group meant to help us make introductions and friends, and I’d boldly asked after a few conversations if she wanted to room together. I’d thought at the time it’d be better than random selection, but clearly was wrong.

My roommate likes to remind me often just how different we are from each other. She’s six feet tall with fire red hair and a killer confident attitude that I’ve respected from the start. She owns her height and her body and her life like I haven’t been able to manage so far. She came here on a full ride to study biology and wants to move onto medical school after she gets her bachelors. From day one, she’s known what she’s wanted and plans on doing everything in her power to achieve her goals.

Compared to my introverted nature, she’s a social butterfly. While I’m far from a hermit, Becca would disagree. I just prefer staying in to watch something on Netflix or get ahead on homework while she likes going out. It’s the biggest reason I finally relented to go with them to the football house. I didn’t want her, Dee, or Ali thinking I was lame, so I let them doll me up like their own personal Barbie and drag me along for the night.

It was my choice to tag along then, like it was my decision to go to a second party with them even after waking up disoriented. I refused to let my first experience scare me away from having a social life and fitting in.

But I’d lasted only ten minutes before the constant brushing of bodies against mine had me bolting from the cramped house.

Tyler had found me ditching and walked me back to my dorm, convincing me to watch a movie with him since my suite was empty. Becca had found us asleep on the couch in the common room and told me I needed to let her know when guys were sleeping over, as if she’d found us in some sort of compromising position.

“You’re doing it again,” she says, running a brush through her hair. She converted her desk into a makeshift makeup table, even bringing her own mirror to perch on the top of it. She and Olive bonded a few times over the brands of makeup displayed there, but they lost me after talking about the best application techniques.

I stand up and stretch my stiff muscles before sitting on the edge of my bed. We tried matching our room in a purple and teal color scheme. Though my stuff was definitely pricier thanks to the catalogue Mom made me pick things from. I’ll admit, my bed is ten times more comfortable than hers. The first week of school we watched Once Upon a Time together on her twin mattress after she found out I’d never seen it. While I normally didn’t care about material things with a higher price tag, I was glad Mom was insistent on the memory foam pad and bedding set because I slept like a baby most nights.

At least until the football party.

Now, Becca gives me more flack than ever because I annoy her with my restlessness. Once, she told me to sleep on the couch that we share with the other girls. The suite we have is nice, split into four different rooms plus a bathroom, and on the first floor near the main doors, laundry room, and vending machines. But it’s also loud, crowded, and usually uncomfortable for me when everybody is here. I’ve never made friends very easily, and the other girls intimidate me more than my roommate does. They remind me of my sisters and their friends, all confident women who love watching reality TV at night and gossiping about guys.

Once upon a time, I would have chipped in on the guy conversation, but I haven’t been able to talk about anyone in that capacity since I wandered back on campus the morning after waking up in that room. They’ve asked about Tyler since he’s been around, but I never change my answer. He’s in one of my classes and we hang out.

Becca always rolls her eyes at that, obviously not seeing the distance I put between Tyler and I even when we are around each other. Gone are the days of flirty touches. No matter if we’re in our room, the library, or somewhere else, I always find a way to put something between us, so he doesn’t see the way my body locks up.