Becoming Calder (A Sign of Love Novel)(49)

Calder was quiet for a few seconds and I glanced up at his face. He was looking at me, a look that seemed to be a mixture of surprise and desire.
Calder groaned and fell backward on the rock, covering his face with his hands. "How am I going to survive you?" he asked.
I smiled, laying my body on top of his and kissing his throat. "I'm the least of your concerns."
He laughed a humorless sounding laugh. "No, you're by far the biggest of my concerns." But he looked at me with so much tenderness my heart squeezed.
I smiled again and laid my cheek on his chest and after a minute, I let my hand move down the muscles of his stomach, taking a moment to trace the indents and ridges. He sucked in a breath and my hand halted, but when he didn't object, I let it continue on. I got to the waistband of his linen pants where a small trail of hair disappeared and he seemed to freeze, the bulge right beneath my hand jumping.
I dipped my fingers below the loose waistband and moved my hand lower, through a thatch of coarse hair, seeking that part of him that was a mystery to me. Calder's chest rose and fell in pants that grew increasingly shallower. A heady feeling of power surged through my blood, emboldening me even further.
My hand reached what I was seeking. I wrapped my fingers around the hard, silky length of him. He moaned deeply, pressing toward my hand in a wordless plea to continue.
I let go for a second and a groan escaped him, but I needed to get his waistband lower so that I could see what I was doing. He lifted his backside so I could accomplish my goal and when I pulled his pants lower, he sprang free. I wrapped my hand around him again, my eyes widening as I took in the dusky organ, the head deep red, a shiny drop of fluid right at the tip. I knew what boys looked like—I'd helped Hailey bathe her children. But I'd never seen a man before. It was so . . . large and it jutted toward me so stiffly. For a minute, I simply stared at it.
I sat up and put my other hand on the rock next to me. I looked back at Calder, but his arm was thrown up over his eyes, and so I couldn't see his expression well, just that his lips were parted and his jaw tense.
"Eden, Eden . . ." he breathed, sounding desperate.
I looked at my hand encircling him and I used my thumb to rub the drop of fluid in a circle, fascinated by him, by how different his body was from my own. He groaned as if I was torturing him.
"Show me," I whispered.
He hesitated for a brief second, but then took his own hand and put it on top of mine, using it to slide it up and down his length.
After a minute, he let go and let me do it on my own. I continued to stroke him as he'd shown me. His moans and breathing told me I was doing something right and so I continued, mesmerized by the way the skin moved beneath my fingers, and the way he swelled even larger in my hand.
After a few minutes, his breathing grew even more ragged and he began thrusting his hips upward into my hand. As I listened to his moans and soft panting, the pressure between my legs intensified, and I felt moisture trickling down my inner thigh.
His body tensed and then froze as white liquid came bursting out of him. I sucked in a breath, my eyes widening as he moaned, gasped, and then relaxed, his body softening beneath my hand.
I looked back at him, and he had brought his arm down and was looking at me with heavy-lidded eyes, his expression one of sleepy bliss. It made my own body speed up at the beauty of that look. I leaned down and kissed him, and he brought both hands up and cupped my jaw as he kissed me back deeply. We kissed for long minutes, slowly, experts on each other's mouths now. Calder rolled me over onto my back as his tongue continued to dance with mine.
"That was . . . I can't even put into words what that was," Calder said, gazing down at me.
I didn't know if what we were doing was wrong or right. I had been told all my life sexual impurity was a sin. But this felt the furthest from a sin any person could get. How could this be a sin when my heart was bursting with love for this strong, kind, incredible boy—the one who had taught me all things brave and beautiful? How could this be a sin when it was the most joyful moment of my whole life?
Could it be wrong to be so happy? I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was.
I whimpered into his mouth when his bare chest again rubbed over my hardened nipples. My body was suddenly enflamed again and my fingers dug into his biceps where I was gripping him, rubbing up and down the hard muscles of his arms. I loved the feeling of his big, hard body hovering over mine, his masculine scent surrounding me, the knowledge he was as helpless to resist me, as I was to resist him.
He pulled away from my mouth and bent his head and suddenly, his lips were at my breast and he was kissing my nipple. My eyes blinked open and a sound of surprised delight escaped my mouth. Oh, that felt so blessedly good. He nuzzled his face against my breasts and licked around the sensitive buds for several minutes until I was panting and dizzy with desire.