Beauty from Pain(107)

A part of me wants Laurelyn to leave so I can go back to my life before her, but then there’s another part that wants to beg her to stay forever. As hard as I try, I can’t decide which is stronger.


I feel a terrible ache in my chest when I think of her leaving. Is that what love feels like? I hadn’t thought so, but then I hear her say she loves me and I feel more confused than ever.


I sit up on the edge of the bed and ponder what to say when she comes out of the bathroom. Several minutes pass and I realize she has no intention of coming out while I’m still here.


I knock on the door. “Laurelyn, will you come out so we can talk?”


“I really don’t want to. Please, don’t make me.” She sounds nasally, so I know she’s crying. It’s almost more than I can stand because I want to be the one to wipe away her tears, not the one to cause them.


“I really think we should.” I reach to twist the knob but already know it will be locked. “Please come out.”


Another minute passes before I hear her unlock the door. She opens it and stands wrapped in a towel, her eyes downcast refusing to meet mine. I reach out and tilt her chin upward so I can see her eyes, but she closes them and locks me out.


I asked her to come out so we could talk, but now I don’t have a damn clue as to what I should say. I feel something genuine for her, but I don’t know what it is. I can’t say I love her, so I do the only thing I can to show her how I feel.


I untuck the towel from under her arms and it falls to the floor. I put her arms around my shoulders and pick her up. “Wrap your legs around me.”


I put my hands under her thighs and carry her back to the bed. I lay her across the mattress side to side and creep over her on all fours. I take her chin in my hand. “Look at me, Laurelyn.”


She hesitates and then opens her eyes and stares at me. Tears roll down her temples and I lean forward to kiss them away. I wish I could say I love you.


I can’t give her my heart, but there’s one thing I can give her.


I lower my hand and feel that she’s drenched with my body fluid all the way down the insides of her thighs. I run my fingers through it and rub it into her skin as if to mark my territory. I’m shocked to find how much I like having that part of myself on her. And in her.


She is mine, at least for a little while longer.


I enter her slowly and within seconds, her hips are meeting me stroke for stroke. I want to be gentle because making love to her is new and I like the way it feels, but she has other ideas in mind. Using her thighs, she coaxes me to move faster as I slide in and out of her. She reaches for my neck to pull me down against her and whispers in my ear. “Harder!” I give her what she asks for and when I feel her contract around me, it pushes me over the edge. I push deep inside her one last time as I erupt.


What is it about coming inside her?


I push her hair from her face and she watches my eyes. I see fear as she asks, “Are we okay?”


I lower my mouth and softly kiss her lips. “We’re so much better than okay.” I give her an Eskimo kiss and then sit up to check the time. Shit! I really need to get back to work.


I get dressed while she watches. I sit on the edge of the bed to put on my shoes and she crawls behind me to slide her arms around my waist. I lean my head back against hers. “I’m never going to make it back to work at this rate.”


“I’m going to let you go in a minute. I just need to savor this moment for a little while longer.”


Why would she need to savor the moment? Is she going to leave me because I didn’t tell her I loved her?


I spin around and push her down on the bed. I imprison her with the weight of my body and pin her arms over her head. I watch her eyes when I ask, “Are you going to leave me?” She swallows hard and doesn’t answer. “Don’t you even think about not being here when I come home this afternoon. I’ll come for you and drag you back by your hair like a caveman.”


This brings a smile to her face and I can’t resist kissing her one last time before I leave. “I’ll probably be late getting in tonight since I need to make up the work I’ve missed this morning. Be here when I come home tonight.”


I still have her hands pinned over her head. “I will.”


“Promise me.” I don’t know what good I think a pledge will do. If she wants to leave, she will.