Beautifully Broken Pieces (Sutter Lake, #1)(79)

The hunt. “What does that mean?”

Bryce turned, a glint in his eyes that spoke of arousal. “It means, I’m going to let you go.”

My heart rattled in my chest, its rhythm chaotic.

“But then, I’m going to catch you. I’ll wound you first. Somewhere non-lethal. Maybe the shoulder like your nosy boyfriend. You’ll be bleeding then. That will slow you down. I’ll take my time tracking you. You won’t be able to hide.”

My fingers dug harder into the ground, my nails snapping. Bryce’s deviant grin reappeared. “You won’t know how to hide. You’re a city girl. You should have stayed there.”

I wanted to rage against him, rake my nails down his face. Scream at him that I did belong here. Here with Walker. Bryce’s grin widened. “A little of that temper wanting to come to the surface I see. Good. That’ll make things interesting. We’ll have lots of fun, you and I. And then I’ll snap your fucking neck.”

With that, Bryce strode towards what must have been the mouth of the cave. When he disappeared from sight, my body began to shake. The trembling was so strong, I could barely hold onto the bottle of water. Silent tears tracked down my face. Hugging my legs to my chest, I bit down on one knee to keep myself from letting loose my sobs.

My chest burned with the weight of my fear. Burned with the pain of possibly losing Walker and everyone else I loved. Forever. How many minutes, hours, days had I wasted giving in to my fear? Allowing it to control me. I thought I had been controlling it, keeping those around me at arm’s length as a way to push the terror of losing someone else down. But really, the fear had held all the strings.

I cursed myself for being so stupid. For being such a coward. Images danced in my mind. My first glimpse of Walker that had stolen my breath. The sound of his laugh. Falling asleep to the strong beat of his heart at the movie. His callused fingers trailing up my bare back.

The burning sensation in my chest grew stronger. I let the feeling sink deeper, spread throughout my body.

Things snapped into place as if I had suddenly been given the final piece of a puzzle I’d been missing for years. A part that changed the entire image. I simply needed to relish the burn. The pain that would always fill your life if you loved fully and deeply. That pain was proportional to love and joy and all the other wonderful things you might be lucky enough to fill your existence with.

My mother’s gentle smile filled my memory. Would I have traded any of the million moments of pure joy I shared with her for less pain at her passing? Never. I would experience the worst of that pain every day for the rest of my life for just one of those precious seconds. But that’s what I had been doing. Preemptively erasing those moments with Walker by pushing him away. Hoping that if I didn’t let him too close, it wouldn’t kill me to lose him.

I’d been lying to myself. All I had succeeded in doing was losing time with him that I would never get back. Time I would give anything to have right now. The tears fell faster and harder. I would allow myself this moment to break down, to let everything out. All my pain. All my grief. And then I would figure out how to fight.

I would fight for Walker. I would fight for myself. I would fight for our future. I would give my all for a lifetime filled with joy and pain, abundance and loss. A life with him.

My tears began to slow. I straightened my spine, wiping at my face with the bottom of the t-shirt I wore. Walker’s tee. He was with me. I pressed the material to my nose and inhaled deeply. The scent of his cologne was even fainter now, marred by dirt and sweat. I would take in that smell again. I swore it to myself.

I exhaled a shaky breath and reached for the water at my side. The first thing I needed to do was build up my strength. I needed it to fight. My hands still trembled as I opened the bottle of water. I listened for the crack of the seal. The sound of the little plastic tines popping was music to my ears. At least the water wasn’t drugged. Or so I hoped.

I forced myself to take slow, careful sips, even though I wanted to guzzle the thing down. Slow meant giving my stomach a chance to get accustomed to having something in it again. I felt around on the floor of the cave for the granola bar Bryce had thrown at me. It took a minute to find the small, plastic-wrapped treasure.

This would be more of a risk. There was no way to know if he’d laced the bar with something, I’d just have to hope that the sicko truly got his rocks off from the challenging hunt. I shuddered just thinking the words in my head, but I forced myself to move forward in my actions.

I tore the wrapper around the bar, happy to feel that my hands were a bit less shaky. I took a small bite. The combination of chocolate and peanut butter, normally a favorite of mine, barely registered. I counted ten chews before swallowing, then took another small drink of water. I repeated the process until the granola bar was gone and the water was down to its last dregs.

My gaze roamed the cavernous space. I could see things more clearly now, my eyes having adjusted to the lack of light a bit more. I searched for a loose rock, small enough for me to lift easily but large enough to do some damage. After precious minutes wasted searching, I had nothing. Bryce must have checked out the space before leaving me here with the dead guy.

The dead guy. I gathered all the courage I could muster and inched towards the man with the vacant stare. I had to see if there was something on his body that I could use to defend myself. Careful not to touch his graying skin, I turned each of his pockets inside out. The only thing I found was a wallet.