Beautifully Broken Pieces (Sutter Lake, #1)(42)

I batted his hands away. “I think I can unbuckle myself.”

His teasing grin had me wanting to smack him or kiss him. I settled for rolling my eyes and hunkering down next to Jensen, who eyed me with a knowing look. I slapped the bill of her ballcap. “Shut up.”

Her mouth stretched wide. “I didn’t say a single word.”

“Your eyes say it all.” I groaned. Her smile only grew.

The rest of the day passed with more tubing adventures, a race across the skinny width of the lake, a picnic lunch, and lots of laughter. A sense of belonging filled my heart, something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I just hoped it lasted.





I shot up in bed, sweat pouring down my face. I lifted a hand to swipe the hair out of my eyes and realized I was shaking. Just a nightmare. Just a stupid fucking night terror that felt all too real.

Images from the dream flashed in my mind. The boat capsizing. Me trying to dive below the water’s surface to reach Noah, Jensen, Sarah, Andrew, and Walker. But the stupid life jacket kept me from being able to dive, and each time I tried to unfasten the buckles, my fingers turned to mush. The minutes passed, and then bodies rose to the surface of the water.

I threw off the covers. My skin felt as if hundreds of insects were crawling beneath the surface. I needed to move. I needed to run and experience the pounding of my feet against the road. I needed to push my body to its breaking point and feel anything but this terror that had seized my heart.

Growing to care about this family so deeply had been stupid. Idiotic. Especially for someone who knew how badly it hurt to lose someone. I fisted my hand and pounded it against my thigh. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

I glanced at the clock and then studied the early morning sky. Five a.m.. It would be light soon. I needed that run, and I needed it alone. If I ran into a bear, I’d just spray it with my bear spray and keep right on going.

Dashing into the bathroom, I quickly splashed water on my face, rinsing away the sweat that lingered there. I grabbed shorts, a sports bra, and a long-sleeved shirt. Changing robotically, I went in search of my sneakers.

Within minutes, I was on the road, the gravel crunching beneath my feet. A few minutes in, I paused to stretch, even though I didn’t really want to. But a pulled muscle would only keep me away from my drug of choice. I limbered up as fast as possible and hit the road again.

This time, I pushed my muscles, lungs, and heart to their limits. I craved the burn. Relished it. Ate up every moment of its delicious torture. It reminded me that I was still alive and distracted me from every other pain.

As I reached the top of Walker’s hillside, my legs buckled, sending me sprawling. I let myself lay there. Head turned to the side, soaking in the view. Pink hues kissed the clouds as the sun began to rise. It embraced the treetops of a still-dark forest and shone on the lake. I shuddered as I took in the lake’s inky depths, flashing back to the images of my dream.

I turned my gaze to the sky. “I need you, Mom,” I whispered, a sob clogging my throat. “I’m a mess without you.” Like always, nothing and no one gave me a reply. I would have given anything to hear her voice in that moment. To feel the gentle reassurance of her presence. But I was alone.

I pushed to my feet, brushing the gravel from my tumble off my legs. I gave my hamstrings and calves a quick stretch before beginning a gentler jog home. I let the pounding of my feet lull me into a numbed state, so I didn’t notice the figure ahead of me until he was almost upon me.

Walker. And he was pissed.

“What in the hell are you doing?” he barked.

I ignored him and kept right on going. I didn’t have it in me to deal with his overprotective ass this morning.

“Taylor. Jesus, what the fuck?”

I still kept going. Or I did until a hand clamped around my arm, spinning me in place. Fury blazed in Walker’s eyes. “I. Asked. What. The. Hell. You’re. Doing.”

“Well, I’m not doing the cha cha.”

“Don’t be fucking cute.”

“I’m running, Walker. And this morning, I needed to do it alone. I have my phone and bear spray. I’m fine.”

His jaw tightened, and I swear I could hear his teeth grind together. “You gave me your word that you wouldn’t go running alone.”

I felt my blood begin to heat. “If you’ll remember, I told you I’d text you the next time I went running. Which I did. I didn’t promise to let you know every time I left the house. You’re not my brother, you’re not my dad, you’re not my fucking keeper.”

“No, I’m the idiot trying to keep you from getting killed.”

I jerked my arm from his grip. “Well, congratulations, you’re off duty. Now leave me the hell alone.”

And with that, I took off down the road at a brisk run. Wind stung the tracks that my tears had left in their wake. I was so tired of feeling. Of caring. Why couldn’t I just be left alone? That’s what I had wanted from the beginning. But no one would listen. Well, from now on, it was polite distance.

My chest burned at the idea of stepping away from the Cole family, but I knew it was what I had to do. I’d keep tutoring Noah and working at the Kettle, but that was it. No more family gatherings or tearful heart-to-hearts. I was alone, and that’s the way it was meant to be.

“That’s the way I like it,” I huffed. I kept running and ignored the bitter taste of the lie on my lips.