Beautiful Darkness(57)

But it didn't shut out what I was hoping for. The image of his hands on her hips, swaying to the music, her twisting black hair. Lena in the arms of some other guy.

I barely noticed as the alley turned from modern-day asphalt and filth back to cobblestones. How long had it been going on, and what had happened between them?

Casters and Mortals can't be together. That's what the visions were telling me, as if the Caster world didn't think I understood by now.

I heard the sound of footsteps echoing against the cobblestones behind me. “Ethan, are you okay?” Liv put her hand on my shoulder. I hadn't realized she was following me.

I turned around, but I didn't know what to say. I was standing on a street out of the past, in an underground Caster Tunnel, thinking about Lena with some guy who was my polar opposite. A guy who could take whatever I had, whenever he wanted. Tonight had proven it.

“I don't know what to do. This isn't Lena. Ridley and John have some kind of hold on her.”

Liv bit her bottom lip nervously. “I know it's not what you want to hear, but Lena's making her own decisions.”

Liv didn't understand. She had never seen what Lena was really like before Macon died and John Breed showed up. “There's no way you can be sure. You heard Aunt Marian. We don't know what kind of powers John has.”

“I can't imagine how hard this is for you.” Liv was speaking in absolutes, and there was nothing absolute about what was happening to Lena and to me.

“You don't know her —”

Liv's voice dropped to a whisper. “Ethan, her eyes are gold.”

The words echoed in my head, like I was underwater. My emotions sank like a stone as logic and reason fought their way to the surface.

Her eyes are gold.

It was such a small detail, but it meant everything. No one could force her to go Dark, or make her eyes turn gold.

Lena wasn't being controlled. No one was using the Power of Persuasion to manipulate her into jumping onto the back of John's bike. No one was forcing her to be with him. She was making her own choices, and she was choosing him. I don't want you here, Ethan. I heard the words over and over. Which wasn't even the worst part. She meant them.

Everything felt hazy and slow, like none of this could really be happening.

Liv's face was full of concern as she stared up at me with her blue eyes. There was something soothing about their blueness — not the green of a Light Caster, or the black of an Incubus, or the gold of a Dark Caster. She was different from Lena in the most important way. She was a Mortal. Liv wasn't going to go Light or Dark or run off with a guy with superhuman strength who could suck your blood or steal your dreams while you slept. Liv was training to be a Keeper, but even then she would still be an observer. Like me, she would never really be part of the Caster world. Right then, there was nothing I wanted more than to be as far away from that world as I could get.

“Ethan?”

But I didn't answer her. I pushed her shiny blond hair away from her face and leaned down, our faces only inches apart. She inhaled softly, our lips so close I could feel her breath and the scent of her skin, like honeysuckle in the springtime. She smelled like sweet tea and old books, like she had always been here.

I pulled my fingers through her hair and held it at the back of her neck. Her skin was soft and warm, like a Mortal girl's. There was no electric current, no shocks. We could kiss for as long as we wanted. If we had a fight, there wouldn't be a flood or a hurricane, or even a storm. I wouldn't find her on the ceiling of her bedroom. No windows would shatter. No exams would catch fire.

Liv held up her face to be kissed.

She wanted me. Not lemons and rosemary, not green eyes and black hair. Blue eyes and blond hair …

I didn't realize I was Kelting, reaching out for someone who wasn't there. I pulled away so fast, Liv didn't have time to react. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”

Liv's voice was shaky, and she put her hand on her neck, where my hands had been a moment before. “It's okay.”

It wasn't. I watched the emotions play out in her eyes — disappointment, embarrassment, regret. “It's no big deal.” She was lying. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was staring at the ground. “You're upset about Lena. I get it.”

“Liv, I'm —”

Link's voice interrupted my lame attempt at an apology. “Hey, man, nice exit. Thanks for ditchin’ me.” He pretended he was joking, but his voice was edgy. “At least your cat waited for me.” Lucille was trotting casually behind him.

“How did she get here?” I bent down to scratch her head, and she purred. Liv didn't look at either of us.

“Who knows? That cat's as crazy as your great-aunts. It was probably followin’ you.”

We started walking, and even Link could feel the weight of the silence. “So what happened back there? Was Lena with Vampire Boy, or what?” I didn't want to think about it, but I could tell he was trying not to think about someone, too. Ridley wasn't just under his skin. She was crawling around in there.

Liv was walking a foot or so ahead of us, but she was listening.

“I don't know. That's how it looked.” There was no point in trying to deny it.

“The Doorwell should be straight ahead.” Liv held her head high and almost tripped over a cobblestone. I could see how awkward things were going to be between us. How many things could a guy screw up in one day? I had probably set some kind of record.