Beautiful Chaos(69)

The Far Keep hadn’t felt like a dream, or even a vision. It was like stepping into another world. I just wished that world wasn’t the future.

Liv’s face clouded over. Something else was bothering her.

“What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking.” Liv twisted her selenometer nervously. “The Temporis Porta only opened for you. Why didn’t it let me through?”

Because bad things keep happening to me. That’s what I was thinking, but I didn’t say it. I also didn’t mention that I’d seen my English teacher in the future. “I don’t know. So what do we do?”

“The only thing we can. We make sure Marian doesn’t go to the Far Keep.”

I looked up at her door. “Maybe we should be glad she won’t come out of the house. Guess I should’ve known nothing good would come out of sneaking around in Amma’s pantry.”

“Except the preserves.” Liv smiled weakly. She was trying to distract me from the one thing I could never get away from—myself.

“Cherry?”

“Strawberry.” She said it in two syllables. Straw-bry. “With a spoon, straight out of the jar.”

“You sound like Ridley. All sugar, all the time.” She smiled when I said it.

“I meant to ask you. How are Ridley and Link and Lena?”

“Aw, you know. Ridley’s tearing up the school. She’s a cheerleader now.”

Liv laughed. “Siren, cheerleader. I’m not up on American culture, but even I appreciate the similarities.”

“I guess. Link is the biggest big man on campus you’ve ever seen. The girls hang all over him. He’s a real chick magnet.”

“How is Lena? Happy to have her uncle back, I bet. And you.”

She didn’t look at me, and I didn’t look at her. When she finally spoke, she looked up into the blazing sun, instead of at me. That’s how much she didn’t want to say it to my face. “It’s hard for me, you know? I find myself thinking about you, things I want to tell you, things I think are funny or odd, but you aren’t there.”

I wanted to drop Marian’s mail and bolt down the steps.

Instead, I took a deep breath. “I know. The rest of us are all still together, and you’re alone. After everything we went through, we bailed on you. It sucks.” I finally said it. It had been bothering me since the day we came home to Gatlin, the day Liv disappeared into the Tunnels with Macon.

“I have Macon. He’s been wonderful to me, almost like a father.” She twisted the bits of string that were always tied to her wrist. “But I miss you and Marian, and not being able to talk to either of you is horrible, actually. I don’t want to get her into any more trouble. But it’s like being told you have to give up ice cream, or prawn crisps, or Ovaltine.”

“I know. I’m sorry it’s all so weird.” What was weird was this conversation. It was so much like Liv to be the one brave enough to have it.

She looked sideways at me, and half smiled. “I was thinking, after I saw you yesterday. It’s not like I can’t speak to you without trying to kiss you. You’re not that irresistible.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I wish I could print up a sign and tape it to my forehead. I OFFICIALLY DO NOT WANT TO KISS ETHAN WATE. NOW PLEASE LET ME BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.”

“Maybe we could make T-shirts that say PLATONIC.”

“Or NOT DATING.”

“UNATTRACTED.”

Liv took the returned letter out of the pile with a sigh. “This was me feeling sorry for myself a few weeks ago. I wrote home and asked if they’d have me back.”

I realized I knew next to nothing about Liv’s family. “Home home? Your family?”

“Just my mother. My father’s long gone. You know, the glamorous life of a theoretical physicist. But no, this was a feeble attempt to get her to send me to Oxford, actually. I turned the university down to come here. And it seemed like it was time for me to go, or at least it did then.”

“And now?” I didn’t want her to leave.

“Now I feel like I can’t leave Marian until this whole mess is sorted out.”

I nodded, picking at my shoelaces. “I’d be happy if she would just come out of her house.” But I didn’t want to think about the future she might be facing if she did.

“I know. She isn’t at the library either. Maybe she needs some time.” Of course, Liv had been making the same rounds I had. We were so alike, in more ways than one. More than being the only Mortals in the equation.

“You know, you were pretty brave back there in the library.”

She smiled. “Wasn’t it amazing? I was quite proud. Then I got in bed and cried for about ten hours straight.”

“I don’t blame you. It was hard-core.” And she’d only seen the half of it. The Far Keep was so much worse.

“Last night—” I started in, just as she said, “You know, I have to go—”

My timing was off, as usual, and our sentences tripped over each other. We sat there for a minute while the awkwardness set in. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to leave.

She stood up, brushing off her shorts. “I’m glad we had a chance to catch up.”

“Me, too.”