Beautiful Burn (The Maddox Brothers, #4)(96)

He jogged around, hopped into his seat, and twisted the key in the ignition. He fussed with the air conditioner and then looked to me for approval.

“Yes, it’s good … I’m fine.”

Tyler backed out and navigated the maze of the parking garage until we saw daylight.

“So, uh,” he began. “Guess who’s going to be a daddy?”

I craned my neck at him, bracing myself.

“No! Oh f*ck, no, not me. Taylor,” he said, laughing nervously. “Taylor’s going to be a daddy. I’m gonna be an uncle.”

I breathed out. “Great! That’s great. How exciting. Jim must be thrilled.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty stoked.”

I nodded, turning toward the window and closing my eyes, exhaling slowly. I’d been looking forward to seeing him for so long, and not knowing what to expect, I was already emotional and feeling frazzled. I tried to do the breathing exercises I’d learned while away.

The tires buzzed against the road, the tone sounding a bit higher when we reached the highway and Tyler kicked up the speed. Waiting for him to have the inevitable conversation about my sudden departure was too much pressure, so I decided to do it myself.

“Tyler…”

“Wait,” he said, wringing his hands on the steering wheel. “Let me explain.”

I swallowed, worried that it was going to be much worse than I had imagined the last eight weeks. Tyler had cast me aside, left me, broken my heart, and yelled at me a thousand different ways in my dreams. Now, all he had to do was show me which one would be our reality.

“I was pissed. I admit it,” he began. “But I didn’t know you’d gotten on a f*cking plane. I’m an unbelievable dick, Ellie. I didn’t realize you were in such a low place. I don’t know what we’re doing, but if it’s just friends with benefits, I can’t even call myself a good friend. I should have seen it. I should have known.”

“How?” I said. “I didn’t even know.”

He was fidgeting, taking off his ball cap and pulling it low over his head, then lifting it again so he could properly see to drive. He rubbed the back of his neck, shifted in his seat, and adjusted the radio.

“Tyler,” I said. “Just say it. If it’s too much for you, I get it. It’s not your fault. I put you through a lot.”

He turned, shooting a glare in my direction, and then he pulled the truck over onto the shoulder of the highway, shoving the gearshift into park.

“You wind up on the filthy floor of a gas station bathroom. You kiss me goodbye, and then you just f*cking disappear. I’ve been stuck on a mountain, worried sick, Ellison. I had no way to get to you, no way to call around to find out if you were even alive, and even then, I didn’t sleep because every phone call I made led nowhere.”

I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve done a lot of selfish things, and I owe you more than one apology.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have left you at the apartment. I saw you struggling. You’ve been struggling for a while. I’ve taken you to a f*cking bar, I pulled some strings to get you out of jail because you were drunk and looking for the fire, I’ve taken you to parties, and knew you were spiking your coffee at work … I’m your friend first, Ellie, and I’ve failed you on every level.”

Barb had explained to me the hurricane I would walk into when I was released from Passages. I wouldn’t only have to navigate my own guilt, but the guilt of everyone who loved me as well.

“Tyler, stop. We both know you couldn’t have stopped me if you wanted. I had to be the one to make the decision, and you loved me right up until I did.”

His warm brown eyes were glossed over, full of desperation. “We were both messed up the night we met, but the more time I spent with you, the more normal I felt.”

I breathed out a laugh. “Me, too.”

He paled, reaching for the glove box. He popped it open, clutching a small, dark red box. “Open it.”

The box creaked open, and I exhaled, searching for words that never came.

“You know what it’s like up on the mountain. Even when I’m digging ditches, there’s a lot of time to think. When Jojo told me you were coming home … I went straight to the jeweler’s. I can’t imagine anything else but being with you and coming home to you and … Ellie, will you—”

“This is a lot my first day back.”

He nodded a few times, and then snatched the box from me. He faced forward, hitting his steering wheel with the heel of his hand. “Goddamn it! I wasn’t going to say that. I told myself a hundred times on the way here not to tell you. You don’t need this right now. You just got home, and I’m throwing all this heavy shit at you.”

My chest felt tight. “I’ve put you through hell,” I said, sinking into guilt so deeply I wasn’t sure I could crawl out.

He looked up at me. “If you’re the fire, Ellie … I’ll burn.”

A tear tumbled over my cheek, and I could see him waiting for me to decide what my tears meant. I reached for him, and he pulled me over the console into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and planting tiny pecks on my neck and cheek until he reached my mouth.

His hands cupped each side of my jaw, and he kissed me deep and slow, telling me he loved me without saying anything at all.