Be the Girl(56)

She’s up to something and, if I had to guess, it has to do with my birthday.

She reappears as I’m sliding my shoes on, her grin suspect.

“We’re going to the shelter tomorrow, right?” I ask, feigning oblivion.

“Yup.” She presses her lips together, looking ready to burst from excitement.

“Get lots done?” Heather calls out, strolling toward us.

“Uh … yeah?” I bend down to collect my things from the bench, and to hide my pink cheeks.

“This weekend is kind of big. Your sixteenth birthday, eh?”

“Shhh!” Cassie presses her index finger against her mouth as she follows me to the door, suddenly urgent to get me out. “See you tomorrow, AJ.” The door practically closes on me, and I hear Cassie lamenting, “Mom! You almost ruined the surprise!”

“I did not, but you are going to.” Heather’s laughter fades as I move farther way from the Hartford house, picking a path through the front lawns to home, glancing up at Emmett’s bedroom once. I would do anything for my window to meet his.

Then again, that would spell doom. As it is now, it’ll be hours before I’m able to drift off.

Too busy staring up at my glow-in-the-dark stars and pinching myself over and over again.

Wondering if this is what I deserve.





Dear Julia,

I told Emmett. Not EVERYTHING. There’s no way I’ll ever tell him—or anyone here—the whole story. God knows he’d never look at me the same way again. But he knows enough.

I wish I had a time machine, Julia. I’d do anything to go back in time.

To erase it all.

~AJ





16





Jen’s round face pinches. “You are, like, super happy this morning. What gives?”

I struggle to shrink my grin as I pull my social studies textbook from my backpack and chuck everything else into my locker. “Nothing. I had a good run today.” Even Holly’s scowls and huddled whispers and suspicious laughter with her friend couldn’t dampen my spirits. I blew past her to lead the pack, beating my best time. Ever. I couldn’t wait to finish, couldn’t wait for first period to start, so I could see Emmett again.

A hand grazes my back a split second before I catch the scent of his body wash.

I spin around just as Emmett leans in, pressing his lips against mine. “Hey,” he whispers, his brown eyes twinkling with a secretive smile.

“Hey.” And my wide grin is back as I peer up at that stunning face I could stare at all day, a face that is no less striking today than it was the first day he walked through my door.

I still can’t believe this is happening.

The first bell rings.

“Be back in a sec.” He gives my side an affectionate squeeze before peeling away to speed to his locker.

It leaves me reeling.

“A good run, huh?”

I turn back to meet Jen’s gaping mouth. I shrug, not trusting my own voice.

“When did that happen?”

“Last night.” I watch Emmett as he sheds layers and tosses in textbooks, sharing a laugh with a guy standing next to his locker.

Is he really mine now?

Are those broad shoulders mine to wrap my arms around?

Are those strong arms mine to graze?

He hip-checks his locker shut and, with a grin at his friend, heads back my way, holding that devastating smile.

Is that beautiful face mine to touch, to kiss, whenever I want?

Adrenaline rushes through my veins at the thought of the next time we’re alone together. When exactly will that be? How long do I have to wait?

Holly strolls past Emmett, cutting in front of him and forcing him to halt.

He gives the back of her head a mildly amused look, but she doesn’t acknowledge him, let alone apologize. Her head is held high as she strolls into our classroom, as if she doesn’t have a care in the world.

Maybe an act of indifference? There’s no way she’s over him so quickly, purged social media or not.

“Does she know yet?” Jen asks.

“I don’t see how. You’re the first person I’ve told.” And Emmett’s a guy. I can’t see him texting all his friends to share the “big news” the second I left last night. And Holly wasn’t at her locker when Emmett kissed me. My chest tightens with anxiety. “What do you think she’s going to do when she finds out?”

Jen slams her locker shut. “For your sake, hopefully nothing.” There’s no mistaking the worry in her voice.

“Hopefully nothing what?” Emmett is next to me again, leaning in for another kiss.

“See you later,” Jen says somewhere in the distance. Far, far away from this euphoric cloud I find myself floating away on.

“Okay, you two. Second bell’s about to go,” McNair warns sharply, yanking me back down to earth, her tone likely less to do with punctuality than with the school’s policy on PDA.

Emmett pulls away with a groan. “So, when are we getting together to work on our project again?” he asks softly.

“I was just wondering the same. Are you free—”

“Mr. Hartford. Ms. Jones.”

Emmett’s jaw clenches with annoyance but he takes a step back, eyes rolling.