Be My Hero (Forbidden Men #3)(35)

But, shit, he was right. I pulled my phone from my pocket, hoping Tristy would be willing to run a new shirt down to me. No way did I have enough time to go home, change, and hurry back before we opened. Except she must've already taken advantage of her freedom for the night. She didn't answer the apartment phone, and I'd never gotten her a cell phone because I just couldn't afford one for her too.

"Dammit." I disconnected. After shoving my phone back into my pocket, I grabbed the back collar of my shirt and ripped it off over my head so I could see just how bad off I was.

"I'm going to try to rinse this off," I told whoever was willing to listen. But when I looked up, it was Mason I caught staring.

"Whoa," he said, gaping at my bare chest. "You have the words Tinker Bell and Skylar tattooed over your heart."

I slapped my hand over the tat, protective of it. I think I would've rather listened to him bash my nipple ring than mention that specific tattoo.

"Yeah," I said, furrowing my brow and ready to kick ass if he made one disparaging remark about the family I'd always craved but was starting to realize I'd never get. "What about it?"

"Nothing." He shook his head but kept staring at the area I continued to conceal. Lifting his gaze, he finally added, "It's just . . . strangely ironic. I mean . . . " He squinted slightly. "Isn't Tinker Bell what you kept calling Eva the other week when she was here with Reese?"

Fuck.

My mouth went bone dry as I stared back at Mason. But how the hell had he remembered that? He should've been preoccupied with that cougar claiming she was carrying his kid.

"E . . . Eva?" I croaked, frowning as if I had no idea who he was talking about. "She was the pregnant blonde, right? Your . . . your girl's cousin or something like that."

Damn it, now I was being overly stupid. He was going to know I was faking it. And yep, he narrowed his eyes, probably wondering what the hell was up with me.

I shrugged. "She had Tinker Bell on her shirt. What else was I supposed to call her?"

"Nothing, I guess. I don't know." Mason waved a hand. "Ignore me. It was just a shock to see that name on top of Skylar, that's all."

I crinkled my brow, totally confused. "Wait. Why? Who's Skylar?"

Mason let out a breath before saying, "No one. I mean, not yet. That's what Eva's going to name her daughter when she's born."

"What?" I plopped onto a stool and gaped slack-jawed at him. But, no. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. My vision went momentarily black. I thought I was going to pass out, but all too soon, I blinked Mason back into focus.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I . . . " I patted my chest a few times. "Yeah," I finally choked out. "I'm fine. Great. So . . . she's having a girl, huh? Eva?"

He nodded slowly, eyeing me funnily. "Yeah. Actually, she refused to tell anyone the name she chose, but I caught her sewing it into something last week and she swore me to secrecy."

"Swore you to secrecy?" I scowled, still pressing my hand to my chest, trying to keep all the broken pieces inside from falling out, because shit . . . Tinker Bell was really having a little girl named Skylar. And I had nothing to do with it. "If she swore you to secrecy, then why the f*ck did you tell me?"

Mason pulled back in surprise at my barked question. "Uh . . . probably because I didn't see how it'd matter if you knew. I doubt you'll ever cross paths with her again."

God, did he have to rub that into my face quite so hard?

Clearing my throat, I glanced down at the shirt in my hand. "Yeah," I said, my voice hoarse. "Good point." Waving my pukey clothes, I started away, needing to escape. "I'm going to see if this'll rinse out."

I don't remember the walk down the hall to the bathrooms. I don't even remember turning on the water in the sink. I just knew I suddenly looked up from the shirt I was scrubbing under the freezing running faucet and saw my own reflection in the mirror while I lost it.

"Fuck," I muttered and threw the slopping wet shirt at my image. "Fuck."

Backing up until my spine hit the wall, I gripped my pounding temples and slid down until I was sitting on the floor, holding my head in my hands and resting my elbows on my knees as I tried not to hyperventilate.

How could this be happening to me? Julian, Tinker Bell, and now Skylar all ended up being real people and none of them were f*cking mine. Not my woman, not my children, not my anything.

They were supposed to be mine, damn it. My family. My happily ever after. Jesus . . .

Madam LeFrey hadn't been lying when she'd said she'd given me my hope back. For ten years, I'd blindly yearned for all these things, things I wasn't even sure I wanted. A wife? Children? That wasn't really my style, but I'd still craved them with every breath I had because I'd craved the way I'd felt in those glimpses. I craved the rush of love, the pride of accomplishment, the tenderness of being adored by others, of finally having somewhere and someone to belong to. And now . . . now there was nothing. No love, no happiness, no satisfaction.

My hands began to shake and I squeezed my eyes closed. I had gotten by for a full decade, banking on the mere hope that maybe those stupid glimpses might come true. I'd kept my nose clean, which was no small feat where I came from. It took a goddamn lot of effort to be good when you lived where I'd lived, where everyone around you cheated and stole to get ahead. It would've been so easy to follow that path. But I wanted to be a good person, a person who would eventually deserve my Tinker Bell.