Bang(8)

He catches my subtleties as he keeps his eyes pinned on me and I shift, playing uncomfortable, and I’m certain he buys it when he changes the subject. We spend the rest of our meal in idle chitchat about nothing in particular, and as we leave and walk towards his car, my foot hits a patch of ice, unsteadying my balance. Declan’s hands are on me fast as I shuffle and land my back against the side of his car. He’s close. Chest to chest. Foggy vapors escaping us with each breath. I don’t speak or move away. I wonder if he’s going to make a play, because I can tell he’s thinking about it. But putting thoughts into action takes balls, and I’m hoping he has them.

In a low voice, he urges, “Push me away, Nina,” as if he’s testing me.

But I’m the one doing the testing; he just doesn’t know it. So I respond with, “Why?”

“Because you love your husband.”

Pushing my hands against him, I move him away from me as I say, annoyed, “I do love him.”

As if no exchange was just made, he opens the door for me to get in.

When we pull onto the main street, he asks, “Where do you live?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m gonna drive you home,” he says, turning his head to look at me.

“The Legacy.”

The silence between us is noticeable, and I wonder what he’s thinking about, but I don’t dare ask. He doesn’t allow my thoughts to overtake me when he turns on the stereo. I can tell he’s using the music to distract himself as he keeps his eyes focused on the road. I’m granted no reprieve as I consider the thoughts that are scrolling through his head right now. But this part is out of my hands because I won’t push. The fall has to come of his own accord. I’m merely the fuel that feeds the vehicle; he’s the one driving it. And the destination is up to him.

When he pulls up to my building, he shifts the gear into park and looks over at me. He hasn’t spoken for the whole drive, and he remains quiet. Wanting to calm any of the ill thoughts he may be having, I lean back against the seat and let out a sigh as I roll my head over to look at him.

Our eyes are locked, his hands still on the steering wheel, and then I say in a soft voice, free from any undertones, “I had a nice time with you.” Declan nods, unconvinced, so I give him a little more to coax him, adding, “I don’t have many friends.”

When I say this, his hands drop slowly to his lap as he turns slightly towards me. He then asks, “What about those two hundred people on the guest list for the event you’re planning?”

“If it weren’t for Bennett, those people wouldn’t give me a second glance. I wouldn’t want them to though.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re nothing like me.”

“How so?”

Lowering my head to focus on my hands, I don’t respond immediately.

“Tell me, Nina.”

My eyes meet his when I say, with a faint shake of my head, “I guess I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“And your husband?” he questions.

“He doesn’t know this. He thinks I enjoy the lunch dates with the wives when I really loathe them.”

“Then why even bother?”

Letting go of a deep breath, I say, “Because I want to make my husband happy.”

He leans over, closer to me, resting his arm on the center console, and asks, “And what about you, Nina? Who wants to make you happy?”

“Bennett makes me happy,” I state while his eyes search my face for hints of dishonesty, and I make sure to let a few slip through. Drifting eye contact for a quick second with a couple rapid blinks. Nodding my head as if trying to convince myself of the words. Giving him a small, feeble smile.

I know he buys it when he says with a gentle voice, “Liar.”

He’s confident in his accusation when I don’t deny it, instead, lowering my head and then turning to look out the windshield.

“I should go.” Looking over at him, he gives a nod before I open the door and step out.

Walking to the lobby doors, he calls out, “Nina.” When I turn around, he’s rolled down the passenger window and gives me back my earlier words. “I had a nice time with you too.”

I reward him with a smile before walking away.

When I get inside, I drop my purse and coat on the dining room table and call Baldwin to let him know I got a ride home with Declan and that I won’t be needing him for the rest of the evening. I then walk over to inspect the kitchen and notice there is fresh fruit in the fridge that wasn’t here this morning, letting me know that Clara has already been here and left.

Knowing there won’t be anyone else coming or going, I waste no time pulling my coat back on and grabbing the keys to one of the cars before picking up my purse and heading back out.

When I pull out of the parking garage, I make my way to I-55 and start heading south to the one person who has always been there for me. It’s been a few weeks since I last saw Pike, and I miss him. I allow myself the excitement of finally being able to see him—my best friend since I was eight years old.

I pull off the interstate and into the town of Justice before turning onto 79th and heading to the trailer park. When I pull up to the mobile home, I park the car, and take out the key I hide in the lipstick case in my purse. The bass of someone’s car stereo rattles the windows, and when I unlock the door and step inside, I relax my shoulders, sigh, and walk straight into Pike’s arms. I take his warmth, comfort, and everything else only he can offer as he holds me.