Bang(50)

When I turn to face her, I respond, “You say that as if you had doubts.” My words come out a little tart, but she doesn’t seem to take offense.

“Never. You always put on the best events,” she says. “You look amazing, by the way. I love the orange.”

“Thank you. I had the pleasure of seeing your husband earlier today. Seems he and my husband couldn’t take a day off from business.”

“Boys will be boys,” she says, and then adds with a smirk, “Especially when it comes to money and slinging their power around.”

We both laugh at the honesty of her statement when I feel Bennett’s arm wrap around my shoulder. “What are you girls laughing about?”

“Do you really need to ask?” I tease.

“Do you think you could pull yourself away from gossiping about me so that I can take you for a spin on the dance floor?”

“But talking about the quandaries of the men in our lives is so much fun,” I mock with a grin.

“I can only imagine,” he states before giving Jacqueline a nod and complimenting, “You look lovely this evening, Jacqueline.”

“As do you, Bennett,” her response laced in her usual flirtation. “If you’ll excuse me, I should probably go find Richard.”

When she walks away, Bennett leads us down to the crowded dance floor, and I finally spot Declan out of the corner of my eye. He stands in a small group, looking sharp in a black tux, but with no tie and the top couple buttons open. His eyes are covered in a gold and black diamond checkered harlequin mask, but I know it’s him by the day-old stubble on his strong jaw. When Bennett holds me close, I watch Declan over his shoulder as we move around the dance floor. His eyes finally find mine at the same time a slinky brunette slides up next to him and he wraps his arms around her waist. His eyes never stray from mine as she whispers something into his ear and I see the smile grow on his face, pleased by whatever she’s saying.

My stomach coils, not from jealousy, because I don’t get jealous, but from the fear of knowing that I could’ve f*cked myself by playing too hard to get with him. Maybe I read him wrong and the push and pull act I’ve been playing with him was more of a turn off than a turn on. Or maybe he’s just trying to make me jealous to get me to finally make a move with him. No matter which of the two scenarios it may be, I only have one option in this and that’s to play him at his own game.

So as Declan flirts with the woman on his arm, eyes still pinned to mine, I let my eyes fall shut as I run my nose along Bennett’s jaw until my lips meet his in a tender kiss. With one hand behind his neck, I bury my fingers in his hair as I continue to kiss him.

Drawing back slightly, Bennett runs his knuckles down my cheek with soft eyes before he pulls me back into his arms. When I look over to Declan, he isn’t paying me any attention; instead, he’s sipping on whatever is in his double old-fashioned as he grazes his fingers slowly up and down the woman’s bare arm.

The thick cloud of defeat begins to wash over me and not even the best actress in the world could stave off the mood shift that flicks inside of my stomach. It’s a sick feeling that chokes me in a painful clench of knowing that this may not ever happen for me. That more years of my life were spent wasted on a quest that will come to naught.

I spend the next couple of hours focusing on Bennett, trying to distract me from myself, swallowing down the shit mood, but it still manifests in my gut—a never-ending reminder. But no one is wise to my inner-workings as we stroll through the room, visiting, toasting to the new year that is upon us, laughing, drinking, smiling, bragging, complimenting, faking . . .

And then I become the biggest fake of all when Bennett spots Declan and calls out for him.

“Bennett,” he drawls in his ever-present brogue. “Good to see you again.”

“Same here. This is quite an event.”

“Well, you and I both know it’s only because of Nina here,” he says as he gives me an approving nod.

With a hint of a smile, I loop my arm through Bennett’s as I return the nod.

“Catherine,” he says to his date, “I’d like you to meet Mr. Vanderwal and his wife, Nina.”

I can’t ignore the needle he uses to stab the word wife, but I keep myself in check as I extend my hand to her for a gracious shake.

“It’s a pleasure,” I say.

“This is a wonderful party.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” I tell her and then turn to Bennett. Reaching up to affectionately cup his cheek, I excuse myself, saying, “Do you think I could get a few minutes? I’m a little warm and not feeling too well.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I just need a little breather. I’ll be back shortly,” I tell him and then give him a loving kiss in front of Declan, taking my time in an indecent display of affection. Lucky for me, I know Bennett, and he loves to make a show out of me, so I use that with the intent of making myself somehow feel better about this colossal failure I’ve created.

The emptiness inside of me swells as I make my way out of the room and down the hall towards Declan’s office where I know there’s a private bathroom. I just need to be alone to pull myself together from the swarming thoughts that are flooding my head right now.

Another knife in a faltered dream.