Bang(33)

“I’m so sorry; I must have forgotten. You’re not upset with me, are you?”

“I’m not, but Catherine was running her mouth about how you’ve been acting like a bitch towards her.”

And this is the shit I hate about these women. I have absolutely nothing in common with any one of them. They have way too much time on their hands that they seem to enjoy filling with petty drama. They’re all spoiled and entitled, yet I’m forced to grin and bear it, and so I respond, “I don’t even speak to Catherine outside of when we’re all together.”

“Exactly. She thinks that you think you’re better than her.”

I am. As sick as I may be, I’m still better than the shallow depths of them.

“Jacqueline, you know I don’t enjoy the gossip, so if there isn’t anything else, I should get going.”

“I was hoping we could get together soon. It’s been a while—the gathering at Lotus, I believe,” she says.

“Of course. I’ll check my calendar and call you,” I reply before we say our goodbyes.

Walking over to Clara, I smile as she moves around the kitchen. I wonder for a moment what my life would have been like if I’d had a mom. For one, I wouldn’t have ever gone into foster care after my father’s arrest. I never met my mom. I don’t know anything about what happened to her since the only one who could have explained it to me was my father, and I was so young when he went to prison.

I’ve seen a few pictures to know I got my red hair from her. She wore it in a short bob, where mine is long with just a hint of waves. She was pretty. I used to imagine her living with my dad and me when I was tied up in that closet. She’d smile and kiss my father while I cringed but secretly loved watching them like that. She would hold me at night, rocking me while my dad sang to me. He always sang to me at night. I’ll never forget the sound of his voice as I would fall asleep.

The top of my nose tingles at the thought of him, and I don’t even realize how tight I have my teeth clamped shut when Clara asks, “Are you okay?”

Unlocking my teeth to answer, an ache shoots through my gums at the release. “Will you stay for dinner?”

Her warm smile penetrates my mournful thoughts, and I smile back at her when she says, “I’d love to.” She turns to pull a couple plates down as she inquires, “Now tell me, what did that lovely husband of yours send you?”

“A very beautiful mask for the masquerade.”

“Have you gotten a dress yet?”

She fixes our plates as we begin to talk about all the details of the party I’ve been working on. We eat and talk and laugh, and for a moment, I pretend she’s my mom.

But only for a moment.





TOMORROW’S MY BIRTHDAY. You’d think I’d be excited about turning ten years old, but it’s just another reminder that life isn’t going to get any better. I used to go to bed at night thinking that tomorrow would be a new day, a hopeful wish on stars. But stars don’t grant wishes. I’ve lived in this house with Pike for almost two years, and I now know that tomorrow is nothing but a repeat of the day before and stars are nothing but burning rocks.

I wonder if I’ll even be let out of this closet for my birthday. Unlikely. This is where I have spent nearly every weekend since the day Carl first tied me up a year and a half ago. When I told Bobbi what had happened, her response was, “Well, what did you do to provoke him?” Yeah, turns out, she doesn’t give a shit about me or Pike. We’re nothing more than her paycheck. A means to get by, to pay her bills and put food on the table, food I rarely get to eat since I’m always locked up with my hands bound.

I feel like I live in the dark more than I do the light. Pike sneaks down every night to talk to me. There’s not been a single night that he hasn’t spent with me outside of this door. I quickly learned to train myself to sleep during the days so that I could be awake when Pike would visit me. I didn’t ever want to be alone and without him.

Carl likes to slap me around before tying me to the garment rod, and there is now a padlock on the outside of the door. I’d tell my caseworker, but I’m terrified of losing Pike. And there’s no guarantee that the next home would be any better; at least here, I have my brother. So when my crappy-ass caseworker does decide to show up, which is about once every few months, I keep my mouth shut.

Shifting up to my feet, I allow the blood to drain back down my arms. I pee as I wait on Pike. The filth of spending days peeing on myself doesn’t even faze me anymore. It used to embarrass me, but now, it’s second nature.

“Elizabeth,” I hear Pike whisper, and I’m relieved that I finally have him here with me—my distraction.

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t even know why you still ask me that question,” I reply.

“Sorry,” he says. “Happy birthday. It’s after midnight, so it’s officially your birthday.”

“Wish me a happy birthday when I turn fourteen,” I tell him.

“Just four more years.”

“It feels more like four hundred,” I say in defeat. I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to escape this hell and see my dad. I don’t believe life can be that good.

“Well, it’s not four hundred, it’s only four,” Pike tells me.