Bait & Switch (Alphas Undone #1)(25)

“Of course . . . I remember. My tux is at the cleaner’s, but I’ll be ready.” I always followed through on my commitments. Always.

She smiled, and I felt myself relax a bit. Seeing that smile was important to me. I’d nursed her back to health after a massive broken heart.

“Don’t freak out, but I had an idea,” I started. It was something that had been stewing in the back of my mind for the last few weeks, and I wanted to hear what she thought.

“What?” She raised one brow in curiosity.

“What if I took you back to the club?”

After her ex dumped her, Daniella had stopped visiting the local BDSM club they’d once frequented together. That disappearing act had hurt a lot of her friendships. It pissed me off to watch Daniella isolate herself like this. Her ex had been the * here, but she was the one being punished. Even two years later, she was still too afraid of running into him to go where she damn well pleased.

She frowned, taking a step back. “Why? Because you’re trading me in for Lacey?”

“What? No, of course not. It’s because you’re stronger now. I thought you might be ready to take that kind of step again.”

“I have no interest in that, Nolan. Being here with you is as close to perfect as I’ve ever had.”

With just those few simple words, she tugged on my heart. I really was her savior. “It was just a suggestion.”

Her hands came to rest on my hair. “I have everything I need right here. Are you sure you don’t want to . . .”

“Not tonight.” The words felt like acid on my tongue. Seriously, what the f*ck is wrong with me?

She stepped back again and stretched hard, squeaking as her back popped. “Then I think I’m going to take a nap before dinner. Holler if you need anything.” She headed to her bedroom—obviously planning to spend some quality time with her vibrator.

But then she stopped in her tracks. “Nolan?”

“Yeah?” I turned my head to see her staring at me from halfway down the hall.

“Could she ever . . . change what we have?”

Her voice was so sad, her eyes so dark. Sympathy squeezed hard inside me.

“No. Never,” I heard myself say. “You know I’m never going to settle down with a wife and kids.” I smiled at her to tell her it was the absolute truth. “That’s not me, babe.”

She grinned back. “I know that. You’re like a wild horse. Roaming free, not meant to be tied down.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re always going to want a sub on the side.”

I didn’t say anything else. What could a man say to that? I just watched Daniella head to her bedroom, until I heard the door click shut behind her.

Looking back down at Sutton, I cupped the dog’s jowls and stared into his saggy brown eyes.

What the f*ck was going on here? This wasn’t the first time I’d turned down Daniella, but before, it had always been for some concrete reason. I was nursing a hangover, had to get up early the next day, whatever.

I still wasn’t sure why I didn’t want Daniella right now. Why my thoughts kept returning to Lacey, like iron filings drawn by a magnet. Why I felt a strange gnawing that I couldn’t put my finger on—a nagging sense of unreality.

As a Navy SEAL, I’d suffered through blood, sweat, and tears. I’d escaped from six years of hell and built the life I’d always wanted. Easy pleasures. Good friends, good sex, good whiskey. A laid-back, well-paying job where I could come home to my own bed every night.

Right now, though, all those hard-earned rewards were starting to feel insubstantial. But what more did I want out of life? What more was there? The only thing that quieted this strange dissatisfaction was . . . thinking about Lacey.

I let go of Sutton’s squishy face. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted or what to do about it. And even though Daniella had said everything was cool, I’d heard the edge of frustration in her voice. She’d really been hoping for some relief tonight. She downplayed her disappointment, trying not to make it my problem, because she wasn’t the manipulative type—but I could tell she wasn’t happy with me. And I couldn’t help but feel kind of shitty about disappointing her.

It was as though she sensed that, as my feelings for Lacey grew, my connection to her was fading—and that made Daniella want to cling to me even harder. I didn’t blame her. The idea that Lacey could represent the end of life as we knew it . . . that terrified me too. Daniella and I had been each other’s security blanket for so long, and change was scary, even when it might lead to something good.

I stood up. Enough of this bullshit. I needed to get off my ass and do something productive, and if that something was just to consume a f*ck of a lot of whiskey, so be it. I needed advice too, and Daniella wasn’t the right person to ask. I also wanted to get out of the house to avoid the guilt trip I was sure was coming later.

I pulled out my phone and texted Greyson: You home yet? Want to get a drink at West’s?

When Greyson replied, Sure, I’m not doing anything tonight, I clipped Sutton’s leash onto his collar and went out. We should take advantage of the warm, breezy weather while it lasted, before the evenings got chilly.

I walked the few blocks to West’s, found a free table on the back patio, and tied Sutton to its umbrella pole. I ordered whiskey on the rocks for me and a bowl of water, which I set on the ground for Sutton. Greyson arrived a few minutes later, grunting a low “hey,” and ordered a beer.