Bad Things(126)

Leticia was sobbing loudly, and I had to take a few deep breaths to continue with any semblance of composure.

“Beloved brother, beloved friend, beloved son, you have left us far too soon, but our love for you cannot be measured in seconds, or minutes, or hours. It cannot be measured in years, or decades, or centuries. It is beyond the hands of time now. This love I feel for you can never die, will never fade, and cannot tarnish. It has become bigger than this life.”

I had to stop and take three deep breaths as I heard the quiet sound of Tristan weeping brokenly into his hands.

I held up the black rubber wristband I had clutched in my hand. “You were all handed one of these on your way in. I want you to hold it in your hand, and study it. If you knew Jared, you know that he’s had his arms covered in these for years. Since before he was fourteen, even before it was trendy, he sported at least one on each wrist. None of us will look at this little band again without thinking of him.”

“Nothing could make us forget this sweet son, this loyal brother, this understanding friend, but let this also be our reminder of him. Often I will wear this on my wrist, or hold it in my hand and remember how he made me laugh, how I loved his smile, how he brought joy to all in his path.”

I concluded by reciting Away by James Whitcomb Riley.





“I cannot say and I will not say

That he is dead, he is just away.

With a cheery smile and a wave of hand

He has wandered into an unknown land;

And left us dreaming how very fair

Its needs must be, since he lingers here.





And you-oh you, who the wildest yearn

From the old-time step and the glad return-

Think of him faring on, as dear

In the love of there, as the love of here

Think of him still the same way, I say;

He is not dead, he is just away.”





As I finished my gaze happened to skim across Dean, who was down the row from Tristan. Seeing that even he was crying like his heart was broken had my eyes finally flooding with tears. I could only be relieved that I’d gotten through it before I broke down.

I approached Tristan on the bench, moving to sit beside him, on the other side from his mother, but they surprised me by moving apart, making a space for me between the two of them.

I took it without a word.

Leticia moved her face into my shoulder, sobbing piteously. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling so powerless in the face of her pain. I simply couldn’t wrap my mind around how horrible this must be for her, when I’d only known Jared for a short time, and the loss of him had still shaken me to my core.

Tristan’s lips moved to my ear, voice thick with tears. “Thank you for that. That was so beautiful, so perfect. It said everything that I wanted to say, if I could have found the strength. I’ll never forget that for as long as I live; the way you were my strength, when I was too weak to even stand.”

His face moved into my neck, and I found myself in the odd, and heartbreaking position of having an arm around both him and his mother as we all cried our hearts out.

It had been at Leticia’s insistence that it was an open casket ceremony. I hadn’t thought it was a good idea, and I’d been right. It was just too hard to look at him. I didn’t think that anyone could feel better for seeing the body of a twenty-one year old man in his prime, pale and still in death.

Tristan and I went to see him together. He was clutching my hand so hard that it ached, but I didn’t say a word.

I held my breath as I looked at Jared’s still form, the air only escaping my lungs when I couldn’t hold it for another moment.

I didn’t know what to say. There were no words for this. His stillness, the peace on his face, it brought both comfort and despair.

Still, I tried my hardest to bring Tristan some bit of comfort with my own perspective. “I don’t have a bad memory of him. I don’t have a thing to say about him that isn’t filled with affection. I know logically that no one on this earth is perfect, but to me, he was. There is bad in all of us, but I’ll only ever remember the good in Jared.”

Tristan hugged me to him, burying his face in my hair. “Thank you for that. It helps, to know someone else saw him how I did, that there are more of us to remember him like that.”

“Always,” I whispered in his ear. “I will always be here to remember him like that with you.”

The day of the funeral seemed to last forever, well-wishers offering endless condolences to mother and son. It was so obvious to me that all of it was nothing but a strain on them both that it was hard to stomach.