Bad Mommy(57)

I rubbed at the goosebumps on my arms and looked out the window toward Darius’s office building. Maybe we had it all wrong and her obsession wasn’t with me after all. She obviously knew he worked nearby, had she come here because of him?

“I think I’m going to run over there first,” I said, slinging my bag back over my shoulder.

“He has patients till five,” she said. “He won’t be able to see you.”

I prickled.

“I didn’t know you were his secretary now,” I said.

Her demeanor changed in that instant. She looked away, started stumbling on her words.

“Oh … he just told me how busy he was going to be today. I was just saying. I’m sure he’ll cancel all his appointments for you. Come running…” She tried to laugh it off, but I’d heard the possessiveness. I walked out without saying anything else to her, crossing the parking lot to Darius’s office.

Darius was standing at the receptionist’s desk when I walked through the doors, holding a paper cup of coffee. He looked startled when he saw me, but then his face adjusted into a smile. The waiting room was empty, so I walked over and gave him a kiss. He took it with some hesitancy, his smile momentarily dropping.

“Writing next door?”

“Yes. I just saw Fig? Did you tell her about the Venetian?”

What was that that passed across his face?

“Yeah, I may have mentioned it to her.” He turned away and walked to his office door, his receptionist staring after us with mild interest.

“So, you claim you don’t like her, tell me that she’s a crazy stalker, and you have coffee with her every day?” He shut his office door behind us, and I tossed my bag onto the only chair in the room other than the one where he sat.

“I never said that I didn’t like her,” he said.

“You didn’t, did you? So, you just don’t want me to like her? Is there a reason for that?”

“Did you come here to pick a fight? Does that help you write?”

I had, hadn’t I? I ran my thumbnail over my lip as I stared at him. Back and forth, back and forth.

“No, it helps me gather the truth, which you haven’t really been giving me lately, have you?”

Darius looked at his watch. He wasn’t going to dismiss me. I wouldn’t let him. I walked toward the desk, and he followed after me.

“I thought you had patients until five,” I said. “Fig told me.”

“I had a cancellation,” he said.

His phone was sitting on his desk. I glanced up at him as I lay a finger on the screen, making it light up. There was a line of messages. He was busy. All women. I saw Fig’s name among them.

“Who are you texting?” I asked. “I though you were laying off the Fig texts.”

He wouldn’t look at me.

“How long has she been coming here to … work?”

“I’m not talking to you when you’re like this.”

“Like this?” I laughed. “You mean when I’m on to you?”

Maybe I was overreacting; maybe I was punishing him for something. Not being there enough for me with my father. He was trying in his own way—making sure Mercy had her bath at night, bringing me a glass of wine—it just wasn’t good enough for me. I was selfish that way, wanting people to bend and give me the love I needed, not necessarily the love they knew how to give.

“Okay,” I said. I headed for the door. But, I had to poke once more. It was who I was. I’d learned that first reaction told the deepest truth. “Hey, what’s your password for your e-mail?”

He just stared at me.

“You know the password to my e-mail…”

His face was impassive, a stone mask. I wanted to throw something at his face to see if it would move. I was crazy. I turned away before he could see my face. If he wouldn’t give it to me, I’d figure it out myself.



Things you think when at the dentist:

He definitely knows I haven’t flossed since my last visit.

Shit. He’s going to make me feel guilty.

Why is he talking to me when my mouth is stretched open?

What’s that pointy thing?

I promise to floss every day.

I fucking hate this place.

I got free floss!

That I’ll never use.

Fuck the dentist. Seriously. Were there people who actually enjoyed having someone’s latex fingers probing around in their mouth? Probably—everything is a thing nowadays. My rule was if you stick any part of your body in my mouth, there better be an orgasm in it for me. When was the last time I’d had an orgasm anyway? Darius and I hadn’t spoken since our showdown in his office. I was already in bed later that night when I’d heard the key in the lock. I’d snuggled down closer to Mercy, who I’d let sleep in the bed with me so he couldn’t. When he came slowly into the bedroom a few minutes later, he’d seen her lying next to me and left. Good riddance, I’d thought. I needed more time. I wasn’t going to let him schmooze his way out of this one. I needed to think.

I’d been thinking for days. I’d tried to guess the password to his e-mail, too. Nada. Darius was on lockdown. And why? Because something was up, that’s why.

The dentist’s office was a twenty-minute drive from where I lived. I scooted my car onto the jam-packed 5 cursing Ryan under my breath. It was a new dentist. Ryan, of all people, made the appointment for me when I confessed that I hadn’t been in two years. Darius would have flipped his shit if he knew. In all the years I’d known him, the guy had never made a single sexual advance on me, but Darius resented his presence in my life. In fact, Darius resented any male presence in my life. He’d never made me a dentist appointment, though I suspected there were times he’d wanted me to see a shrink.