Back to You(79)

“Am I…? You want me to break all this shit?”
Lauren nodded.
When Del just stared at her, she gestured toward the table. “I got you the dinner party package,” she said. “Sounded like a good one, but what do I know.”
Del turned and surveyed the room once more. He must have still looked confused because she said, “It’s supposed to help. You know…to get rid of stress. It’s much healthier than…other things.”
“Red, this is ridiculous.”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
He looked down at the coveralls in his hand, and for a moment, the room was completely silent.
Finally, he took a deep breath. “So I just put this on and throw shit around?”
The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile. “Pretty much.”
He looked down again and nodded. “Alright,” he said, reaching for the goggles.
She smiled then, the last of her uncertainty disappearing as she handed them to him. “I’ll be out there,” she said, gesturing toward the plexi-glass window. She went up on her toes, kissing his cheek before she turned and exited the room.
When the door clicked softly behind her, Del@is"> shoulder exhaled, turning to survey the room again.
This was stupid.
There was no way throwing a few plates against the wall was going to make him feel any better. He wanted to be home, in his room, with a bottle of Jack and his stereo blasting loud enough to make thinking impossible.
But she had looked so hopeful. And she had gone through all the trouble to set this up.
With a sigh, he pulled the coveralls on over his clothes and slid his hands into the thick, protective gloves.
Lauren came into view then, gently lowering herself into one of the chairs on the other side of the glass wall. She looked calm—peaceful, even—as she watched him.
Del walked toward the table, positioning the goggles over his eyes before he reached over and took a small blue plate off the top of the pile.
He turned then, facing one of the metal walls. He looked over to where Lauren sat, shrugging his shoulders before he threw the plate against it.
It exploded with a sharp, crunching sound.
Del flexed his hand at his side. He would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t get the tiniest rush from it. Just the slightest flicker of adrenalin. Nothing like a shot of Jack, but decent enough.
He turned back toward the table, choosing one of the bigger plates. This time, he held it by its side, flinging it like a frisbee toward the wall.
It splintered into tiny white shards that scattered to the ground, and Del laughed, looking over at Lauren.
She was watching him, her expression even.
With a smile on his face, Del turned and grabbed one of the wine glasses. He brought his arm back, throwing it with a bit more force.
And then it happened.
As soon as it hit, as soon as the sound of glass shattering filled the tiny room, Del squeezed his eyes closed, bringing his clenched fists in front of them.
Glass shattering.
A grating shriek of metal.
His brother’s shout.
This night. Eleven years ago, but it could have been yesterday. He could still see it so clearly.
And now he could hear it, too.
Del made a small noise in the back of his throat as he tried to slow his breathing, but he could already feel his hands shaking. This was why he needed to be home. This was why he needed to drink tonight. Because the alcohol blurred the memories, made them comfortably fuzzy, so that they didn’t seem real anymore.
But he was seeing it now. And it was so real.
It was too real.
“Please. Please. Please,” he chanted through gritted teeth. He was breathing heavily now; a slight tingling began in his spine, and his stomach churned unpleasantly.
Why did he have to call him that night? Why the hell did he have to be so pathetic? Why couldn’t he have just learned to take care of himself?
And why couldn’t his brother have told him no? Just once, why couldn’t he have refused him?
“Goddamn it, Aaron!”
Del whirled suddenly, grabbing the first thing his hand landed on and launching it against the wall.
“I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”
The bowl crashed against the metal as he brought his fists to his eyes again, shaking his head quickly.
shoulder>“But what if you forget you love me, like Daddy did?”
“Never. I’ll never forget.”
Del spun wildly, not even seeing what he pulled from the table as he whirled around and heaved it, and before it even made contact with the wall, he was reaching for the next object.
“It’s your fault your father is gone, and now you took your brother too.”
“Fuck you!” he shouted, grabbing an entire stack of plates from the table and flinging them at the wall with the full force of his body. “Fuck you!”