Back to You(67)

He spent the next hour in relative silence as his friends continued to take turns tormenting him for the Tanya incident. He knew they attributed his silence to being drunk, or angry, or both, and he let them.
But the entire time, all he could do was sit there reliving that moment with Lauren.
And when they finally left, having tapped themselves out of crude jokes for the evening, Del laid in bed for hours; sleep eluded him as he replayed those last few minutes with her over and over, until his heart rate sped up and his breathing became irregular.
Eventually, the heat of the memory wore off, along with the buzz of the alcohol, and was quickly replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt.
What the hell had he been thinking?
{ display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: leashaHow could he have kissed her that way? Handled her that way?
And what would have happened if his friends hadn’t shown up when they did? If he had allowed himself to—
Del couldn’t even let himself finish the thought. He would have never forgiven himself.
He would have hated himself.
And what was he supposed to do now? What was she thinking? After she had time to decompress, would she be angry? Offended? Or worse, would she expect to eventually finish what they started?
Del closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was such an *.
At around four in the morning, he fell into a restless sleep, still wondering what the hell he was going to say to Lauren the following day.

By the time he pulled into the parking lot of the school, he had decided on a plan of action.
He would avoid her.
He knew it was weak and pathetic, but he had already determined that he was an *. Might as well add coward to the list as well.
His inexcusable plan worked until fifth period, when he turned the corner to see her waiting at his locker. She shouldn’t have been there. She had gym now, all the way on the other side of campus.
He faltered for only a second before immediately putting on a casual face and continuing toward her.
Her expression was tentative as she looked up at him.
“Hey,” she said softly, stepping back to allow him access to his combination lock.
“‘Sup?” he said.
There was a beat of silence before she uttered the dreaded words.
“Can we talk?”
“About what?” he asked casually, spinning the lock and not even paying attention to the numbers.
“About last night,” she said, and this time, there was a hint of annoyance in her voice.
“What about it?”
Del knew it was a dick thing to say as soon as it came out of his mouth, but he didn’t know how else to handle the conversation. He hadn’t prepared for it at all.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shift as she folded her arms and cocked her head at him. “Are you going to say it was a dare again? Because it wasn’t this time.”
Yes, she was definitely annoyed now. Her words were clipped, her tone brazen.
Del turned his head toward her, his hand still on his combination lock. “No, I wasn’t going to say it was a dare. I was going to say it was a mistake.”
Lauren’s brow instantly smoothed as she took the tiniest step back, the hurt apparent in her eyes.
Fuck.
He needed to fix this. He didn’t want to hurt her. It was exactly the opposite.
Del’s hand fell from his lock as he turned toward her fully.
“That came out wrong,” he said softly. She just continued to stare up at him, that bewildered expression tearing his heart in two, and he exhaled heavily and shook his head. “Look,” he continued. “Our friendship is the best thing I’ve got going on in my life. And…if I want it to stay that way, then we can’t do that again. That shit gets too messy, okay?”
She blinked up at him, the confusion and h muscle flex in the side of his jawgryurt in her eyes slowly giving way to something else. Acceptance? Indifference? Concession?
“Okay,” she finally said, her voice gentle again.
Del crouched slightly, bringing his eyes to her level. “You’re too important to me,” he said, his voice bordering on desperate. “Do you understand? I really need you to understand.”
She looked at him for a second before she nodded. “I do,” she whispered. And then she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “See you later,” she added with a smile before she pushed away from the lockers and continued down the hall.
As he stood there, staring down at his combination lock, he knew he should have been feeling relieved that she had been so understanding, that she was so willing to put their friendship before anything else.
But that memory would haunt him for years to come, that moment when she told him she understood, when she looked up at him with that smile.