BROKEN AND SCREWED(Broken_Part One)(38)

It’d be weeks before she would return home.
I knew the instant my father had told Jesse that. The relief in his eyes was unmistakable, and as Jesse explained it all to me, I shared the same sentiment.
I could be at home and not feel her emptiness.
Finally.
I could only feel my own then since my father was rarely home. He spent most of his time at the office, and now I knew he’d spend the rest of the time at the hospital with my mother.
A different sense of numbness settled in me as Jesse bundled me back in my coat. After he hugged my father another time, and after my dad thumped him on the back, with his voice full of emotion as he thanked him for coming, I was led back to that same elevator.
We were leaving again, but this time my mother was still alive. Ethan had died. My mother would live.
I didn’t feel any of it.
When we got to my home, Jesse sat me at the kitchen table. A cup of water was placed in front of me, along with some toast. I nibbled on a piece because he had that determined look in his eyes. When I was done and shoved the plate aside, Jesse sighed, but he took it to the sink and then led me by my hand to my room.
No words were shared as I got ready for bed. At one point, my fingers couldn’t undo my zipper so Jesse helped undress me. Then he found my pajamas and helped me put them on. When I felt the warm cloth material against my skin, my eyes closed. I readied myself. He would leave soon. I looked at the bed. I already knew I wouldn’t sleep at all. But then he took his sweater off and found an old shirt that he had left the first time we’d been together. He slipped it over his head and undid his pants. When he saw that I was staring, he gave me a crooked grin.
“You thought I was going to leave?”
I nodded. I couldn’t speak. I hadn’t been able to since the phone call.
Then he cupped both sides of my face and stepped close. He lifted my head so I met his gaze. They sparkled in the moonlight as he promised, “I will stay as long as you need me.”
I choked out, my voice raw and painful, “I thought you’d leave. There’s a lot of feeling tonight.”
His thumb brushed over my cheek. It was a tender gesture. “Not for you. You turned it off tonight, didn’t you?”
Then the tears came. I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t know what unleashed them, but they fell free like a waterfall.             
Jesse cursed under his breath, but held me against him. He rocked me back and forth for awhile until he picked me up and laid me in bed. I fell asleep tucked in his arms with more tears on my cheeks. Sometime during the night, I woke. The tears had dried on my face, but I brushed them away and found that I was alone in the bed.
An eerie feeling came over me and I left for the hallway. The bathroom was empty; there were no lights on in the house, but I already knew where he was. I stopped outside of Ethan’s bedroom. The door was open and I saw Jesse on the edge of his bed. He cradled his head in his hands. They were propped on his knees, and his shoulders shook. There was no sound, but I knew he was sobbing.
My heart broke then. I thought I’d been broken already, but it splintered apart again. Then I stopped thinking and went inside. As Jesse had comforted me before, I did the same. I lifted his head and slid between his arms. And then he stiffened for a second before he lifted me on his lap. My legs parted and I straddled him instead. Desire burst forth in me when I saw the heat in his eyes. He didn’t want comfort. He wanted to forget.
His hands cupped my legs. He pulled me tight and ground into me. My chest was pressed against his and my lips parted for him. And then we both forgot together.



CHAPTER TEN

We woke around nine the next morning. I was the first to wake. I couldn’t stay in bed any longer; too many memories haunted me because of the night before, so I got out of bed. When I came back from showering, I saw that Jesse was dressed. As we bypassed the kitchen, I thought about making coffee, but Jesse touched my arm.