BEAUTIFUL BROKEN MESS (Broken, Series #2)(48)

I scoot backward off the bed and stand in the middle of my room with the sheet wrapped tightly under my arms, shielding my naked body. I begin pacing the length of my room from one end to the next. There is nothing I’ve ever wanted more than to go on an actual date with Jace. I’ve dreamt about this moment for years. But at the same time, how can he ask that of me when he still believes so many horrible things?

He climbs off my bed and the loud creaking and groaning of my futon makes him frown. I giggle at his frustration and he cocks an eyebrow at me.

“Your bed sucks,” he declares, while air quoting the word ‘bed’.

I shrug my shoulders, because I think it’s wonderful compared to the tiny loveseat I use to have to sleep on back home. His hands cup each side of my face, and then he moves them across my temples and over my hair, until they rest on the back of my neck. Completely surrounding me, he tilts my head back so I have nowhere else to look but up at him.

“I’m still so drawn to you. It’s like nothing has changed in the past four years. You still feel like a breath of fresh air compared to every girl I’ve met before. I kept telling myself it was a good thing we didn’t work out, that there was a reason for it. I kept telling myself there was someone better out there for you and for me,” he says, never breaking eye contact. My hands clutch the sheet tighter, wanting to reach out for his amazing bare chest that is only inches away and taunting me.

“But why, Audrey? How come even the smallest of things will make me think of you? How come whenever I catch a whiff of anything with a cherry-vanilla combination, I think of how your lips tasted that first day? How come anytime I have to write my phone number down, I recall sticking my fingers down your front pocket? How come every single long-legged brunette that walks by makes my stomach drop to the floor in hopes that it could be you?”

His words floor me. Literally. I should be lying on the hardwood under my feet and probably would be if his hands weren’t holding me up. “How can you say that and still think so lowly of me?” I whisper.

“Well, first of all, Lane told me that I should talk to you.”

Wrong answer. Why are men so freaking dumb? I shove off of him and turn my back in frustration. That’s a whole other can of worms in itself, so instead of trying to address it, I redirect. “Why did you yell at me last night, after what I said to you?”

“Don’t change the subject, Aud-”

I interrupt him, “Why, Jace?”

With a sigh, he says, “Because you said that I got you out of my system.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Audrey, there aren’t enough nights in a lifetime to get you out of my system.”

I squeeze the sheet tighter to my body and pace the small area in front of him. “Then why did you say what you said after we… finished, that night in your car?” He gives me a confused look so I continue, “Do you know how shitty that made me feel?” He stares at me and doesn’t say a word. There’s complete silence for seconds, which soon turn into minutes. Suddenly, I notice that the wheels are turning. He was drunk and doesn’t remember, and now he’s trying to scan back through the night. “Oh my God, you don’t even remember! Do you even recall having sex with me?” my voice rises in mortification.

He reaches out and stills me by grabbing ahold of my arms and pulling me closer to him. My sheet drops to the floor, but I don’t even care. I couldn’t be more humiliated at the moment anyway. His eyes dip to my chest for a fraction of a second and he immediately looks up at the ceiling. After a few deep breaths, he slowly lowers his amazing blues to look in my eyes, although I can tell it’s a struggle for him to only look in my eyes. If I weren’t so angry, I would laugh at his effort.