BAD REP(90)

Jordan rubbed his forehead again.  “What song, Mays?”

“You know what I'm talking about!  That damn Lost in You song!  I know you wrote it for her.  She was bragging about it in the bathroom.”  Jordan barked out a humorless laugh.

“I wrote that song almost three years ago.  And yes, it was about Olivia.  At one time.  But now, it's just another f*cking song.  It doesn't mean anything.”  If only that were true.  I moved away from the wall and went into the kitchen to make myself coffee.  I needed caffeine fortification immediately.

I knew Jordan followed me because I could feel the heat of his body as he crowded into my personal space.  “Maysie.  Seriously, you can't get pissed off about a song I wrote years before I knew you.  It's a fan favorite, so we play it at our shows.  I really don't get what the big deal is.”  He sounded lost and that just irritated me more.

I dumped coffee grounds into the machine and turned it on.  I braced my hands on the counter, not turning to face him as I unloaded my juvenile insecurities.  But I needed to say the words or I would choke on them.

“That song, Jordan, was beautiful.  Those words, I could see how in love you were with her when you wrote them.  It just made me feel like there was no way I could ever compete with those feelings.  I mean, what chance do you and I have when you had that with her?”  Jordan gripped my shoulders and turned me to face him.  His face had relaxed and his eyes had gone tender.  He reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek.

“Baby, I'm sorry you feel that way, but you are so freaking deluded.” I started to get angry again when he gripped the back of my neck and tugged me forward.  His eyes were intense as he stared down at me.  “Yes, I loved Olivia.  Yes, I meant those words when I wrote them.  But I was nineteen years old.  She was my first serious girlfriend.  I was an immature college freshman getting my first regular piece of ass so I thought she was it.”  My throat seized.

Jordan kissed my nose softly.  “But that was a lifetime ago.  And I've grown up a lot since then.  I'm not saying that I didn't feel strongly for Liv, but stuff has seriously changed since then.  And I've learned that the love I thought I felt was more of an infatuation with the idea of her.  I told you before that things had been messed up between us for a while.  I wasn't just talking out of my ass.  It's the truth. She and I were not a functional couple.   She is selfish and self-involved.  If something didn't relate to her Chi Delta world, she didn't care about it.  You know last night was the first time she had been to one of my shows in over a year?  She couldn't give a shit about my music.  It was more of an inconvenience for her and she was constantly trying to get me to leave the band.  Now does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?”  Wow, even I knew that music was an integral part of who Jordan was.  I couldn't imagine him not playing.  It was like telling someone to stop breathing.

Jordan kissed the corner of my mouth.  “But you get it.  In the four months I've known you, you see more of me than she ever did.  For the first time I feel like I can be myself and let loose with someone.  We connect on a level Olivia and I never did.”  He placed his lips on mine in a gentle kiss that made my toes curl.  “I feel like you were made just for me, Maysie Ardin.  Everything about you makes me want you more.  Even your jealous little snits have me wanting to haul you over my shoulder and take you back to your bedroom just to show you how much you mean to me.”  Well crap.

“That's just lust.  I mean yeah, we have a serious physical attraction, but...” Jordan's mouth cut me off and I forgot what I was saying.  He kissed me roughly, just the way I liked it.  After a few seconds he ripped his mouth from mine and he breathed heavily as he gripped the sides of my face with his hands.

“This is more than just physical attraction and you know it.  I have NEVER wanted someone the way I want you.  This thing I feel for you isn't rational.  It doesn't really make sense, but it's there.  And I'll be damned if I let you run away from it just because you feel insecure.  Because there is no other girl for me, Mays.  You are it.”  Wow.  Um, just wow.  I had no words.

My coffee was forgotten as I wrapped my arms around his neck.  “No more running,” he murmured as his mouth met mine again.  He ran his hands down my back and I shivered.