BAD REP(82)

The insatiable physical attraction only grew stronger the more time we spent together.  And it was this need to be with him in every way possible that made our situation all the harder to handle.  Because I wanted to yell from the rooftops that Jordan Levitt was my boyfriend.  I wanted to go out on dates and walk across campus together.   I wanted to take him to mixers and announce to the world that he was mine.

But it still felt like we were each other's dirty little secret.  Because Jordan didn't offer for me to come hang out at the Pi Sig house.  We avoided places where there was a chance of running into Olivia and my Chi Delta sisters (which was pretty much everywhere).  Instead, he came to my apartment in the evening.  We fooled around and he usually fell asleep wrapped around me.  And that was nice.  Just not what I had dreamed it would be like.

Because Olivia was still a major problem.  She wasn't going away quietly.  And hell if she wasn't bent on making my life miserable.  She was calling Jordan...constantly.  His phone would often beep several times a night.  He was always honest in saying that it was her and never made any effort to respond.  He usually deleted the texts without reading them.  I was dying to see what she had written and I considered snooping.  But we were really working on building trust between us, especially given our shaky start.  And reading his text messages behind his back wouldn't help with the whole honesty thing.

So, Jordan would eventually turn off his phone, then assure me that it didn't matter.  But it did matter.  Because I was insanely jealous.  And worried.  Worried that he'd wake up one morning and say that being with me was a big mistake.

My insecurities were driving me crazy and Olivia did everything she could to dig my doubts in a little deeper.  She was sneaky, none of her attacks against me were overt.  I had avoided the Chi Delta house for the few days after the chapter meeting.  But Gracie had insisted I come and hang out Wednesday after my last class.  I had put up a bit of a fight but she reasoned that I was still a sister and had every right to be there.

I finally agreed, not wanting to argue about it anymore.  I had gone over to the house and at first it wasn't too bad.  A few of the other girls came and hung out with Gracie and I while we watched re-runs of America's Next Top Model in the common room.  We had laughed together and made cutting commentary as we watched the show.

Then Olivia had shown up and with one look at the girls, everyone got up and made excuses to leave.  I had no power against Olivia's popularity.  She controlled the house with an iron fist and I had been firmly allocated outsider status.

I seriously questioned why I was still apart of Chi Delta when it was so obvious I wasn't wanted there.  When I brought this up to Gracie and Vivian, they both staunchly refused to hear what I was saying.  “You are a Chi Delt!  Don't you dare let them make you feel any different!  Olivia is out of here after this year and next year will be all about us!” Gracie argued.  Vivian had nodded adamantly.

“This will blow over.  I promise you,” Vivian assured me.

That's what they always said.  And so far, that day when it would all be behind me, had yet to come.  Though, I never called them on their well-intentioned bullshit.  Because, I didn't think Olivia would just get over what had happened.  She and Jordan had been together for three years and I understood her feelings of hurt and betrayal.  And I knew without a doubt that she loved Jordan.  I just wish I could stop feeling like Kelly Taylor splitting up Dylan and Brenda.  Oh crap, I was totally Kelly!  I hated Kelly!

My own feelings of shame and guilt were burning a hole through my heart.  I was ready to pull my hair out by Saturday night.  I had promised Jordan I'd come to the Generation Rejects gig at Dave's Tavern but I was so anxious I felt like I would come out of my skin.  Riley had agreed to come along so I wouldn't have to go by myself.  Gracie and Vivian were busy doing sisterhood stuff.  Sisterhood stuff that I hadn't been privy to.   Gracie had assured me that it was just planning for the upcoming Ball Blast, the semi-formal Chi Delta hosted every November.  Whatever, I knew I was left out on purpose.

So I found myself in my room, twenty minutes before we had to leave, trying to decide on what to wear.  I was dangerously close to calling Jordan and plead some sort of illness that required me to spend the evening in bed, when Riley knocked on my door.  “Come in,” I called out, throwing a pair of black heels across the room.