BAD REP(49)

What was he trying to say?

“Well, I wanted to make some new friends.  So I figured why not.  And I like the girls in Chi Delta.  Most of them are really nice,” I said defensively.  The truth was, I got what he was saying and I wondered how I would survive in the dog eat dog environment the school's Greek system bred.  You had to fit the mold or get out.  Which was so against everything I had always stood for.  But now, I was doing nothing but spending my energies on trying to fit in.

“Well, I guess that's what's important,” Jordan mused, looking as if he didn't believe me.  His attitude was making me a little angry. Nothing pissed me off more than when people questioned my choices. It made me feel inferior and insignificant.  As though I were incapable of making a reasonable decision.

“What does Olivia have to say about you stepping down as president?” I asked sharply.  Jordan's face darkened a bit.

“She doesn't know,” he said, taking another drink of his coffee.

“She doesn't know?  You didn't tell her you were going to do it?” I scoffed, not believing he could keep something like that from his girlfriend.

It was Jordan's turn to get defensive.  “Yeah, well, Olivia has her own shit going on.  I knew she'd freak out if I told her, so I just did it.  I don't need to hear about how stupid I am for giving it up,” he said bitterly.

I couldn't cover up my surprise.  Jordan met my eyes.  “I told you before that things have been strained with Olivia and me,” he said quietly, reminding me of our disastrous conversation after he had asked me out and I had discovered he was taken.

This time, I didn't want to shut down the conversation because of my fears.  I wanted to hear from him what was going on.  “What do you mean?” I asked, moving my empty coffee mug to the edge of the table and taking another bite of an eclair.  Jordan leaned back in the booth with a sigh.

“Have you ever been close to someone for a while and then realized that the two of you had absolutely nothing in common?” he asked me.  I shook my head.

“No, not really.  What are you getting at?” I asked him pointedly.

Jordan sat up and crossed his arms on the table.  “I started dating Olivia when we were freshmen.  We met the second week of school.  She was a different person back then.  Over the years I've realized we want different things.  I mean, I care about her.  But I just don't think we fit in each other's lives anymore.”  His words left me raw.  Was he saying that he planned to break up with Olivia, even before he asked me out?

So where did I fit into all this?  I really wanted to know, but I was too much of a chicken to come out and ask that.  “Does Olivia know you feel this way?” I asked, feeling a little sorry for my sorority sister.  Because I knew she loved Jordan.  You could tell that when she talked about him.  But I had also seen the way she so easily disregarded his feelings.  I understood what Jordan was saying about them being two different people.  Because while they may look like they belonged together, personality wise they just didn't fit.

Jordan looked frustrated.  “I don't know.  I mean, it's not like we talk about anything that isn't Greek related.”  He shook his head slightly as if to clear his thoughts.  “Enough about my Olivia drama.  How are classes going?”  I was thrown by the sudden change in topic, but I allowed it.  I didn't want to focus on Olivia any more than he did.

We spent the next twenty minutes talking about school.  Jordan revealed that he still had no idea what he wanted to do when he graduated.  He was an Accounting major, mostly because his dad wanted him to become a CPA, like he was, and partner with him at his accounting firm.  I could not see Jordan as an accountant.  Didn't they wear glasses and buttoned collared shirts with Chinos?  How could his dad even begin to think that would be a suitable career path for Jordan?  I had known the guy for all of two minutes yet I knew unequivocally that he was meant to do a hell of a lot more with his life than crunching numbers.

Jordan explained that his mom owned her own chocolate shop and imported sweets from all over the world.  He spoke warmly of his mom and I knew that even though his feelings for his father were strained, his mother was his rock.

He talked about staying in town after he graduated and playing with Generation Rejects.   That seemed to be where his passion lay.  His face lit up when he talked about playing shows and his dream of making music for a living.