BAD REP(32)

“Come home with me tonight.  Please.  Let's figure all this out...together,” Jordan pleaded, his hands sliding down my face until they rested on either side of my neck.  They felt so warm, so natural there.  Slowly, he leaned in to kiss me again.

God I wanted to go home with him.  I wanted to forget that there even was an Olivia.  But there was an Olivia.  And she would be home in a week.  And he would go back to her.  And I would become a shameful, dirty secret to be forgotten.  Jordan would most likely feel guilty and what if he told Olivia about me?   Where would that leave me?

I would lose my sorority, my new friends, the life I had created for myself at Rinard.  I was pretty damn sure that I was just a passing fling to Jordan Levitt.  A flash in the pan.  I was also pretty damn sure that he didn't feel the same depth of emotion for me that I was starting to feel for him.  Sure he was attracted to me.  We had this undeniable physical chemistry.  Chemistry that was impossible to ignore.  But that didn't equate to anything resembling love.  And I think I wanted that.  No, I knew I wanted that.  And that frightened me.  A lot.

I also knew, without a doubt, that he would crush my heart.  Destroying my soul, my will, my entire being.  And I couldn't let that happen.

So I finally forced myself to push him away.  Jordan looked hurt as I shoved his chest with my hands.  “No, Jordan.  I won't go home with you.  I won't go anywhere with you.  This can never happen again,” I told him firmly, feeling our separation like a physical ache.   A new emptiness.  A hollow sense of loss for what could never be.

The fire in Jordan's eyes dimmed until it was as though it had never existed at all.  “But I thought...” Jordan started, trying to reach for me again.  I held up my hand to stop him.

“I don't care what you thought.  This thing going on between you and me ends here, tonight.  You are not going to do this to Olivia.  I know you love her.”  Swallowing hard as the words got stuck in my throat.  I felt sick.

Jordan shook his head.  “I don't know how I feel about Olivia anymore.  But, Maysie.  I do know that what I feel for you is real.  And it's not something I can ignore,” he implored, his eyes desperate.  I felt myself weaken but then I stiffened my spine and went in for the kill.

“It'll pass. Now, I've got to get back to Eli.  He's probably wondering where I am.”  Jordan's eyes went hard as he let me edge around passed him.

My lips were tender and swollen from kissing him and I hoped Eli wouldn't notice.  I wanted Jordan to try and stop me from walking away, and I hated to admit that I was extremely disappointed when he didn't.  So that just proved I had done the right thing even as I felt my heart breaking into tiny little pieces.



Chapter Seven



I called in sick to Barton's the next afternoon.  I knew I was avoiding Jordan.  I just couldn't stomach seeing him after the turmoil he unleashed inside of me the night before.  I also couldn't stop thinking about the way his lips felt on mine.  It had been perfect for all of thirty seconds before reality had kicked in and had stomped on any chance there had been that something might have happened between us.

After my epic make out session outside the bathroom (how romantic), I had returned to the bar, feigning sickness.  Eli, who was still unfairly miffed with me, said he wanted to stay.  Asshole.  So Riley drove me back to the apartment and, for once, didn't grill me about what had gone down between Jordan and me.  I couldn't tell her.  I wasn't ready to talk about it.  I felt too emotionally raw.

So instead of going to work, I laid in my bed, watching re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210 and ate a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  I went into Bibi's the following day, which was a welcome distraction.  Layne had known something was off with me, though she didn't question too closely. I gave the excuse that I was just tired from working so much.  She urged me to take it easy and ended up letting me go home early.

So what did I do?  I crawled back into my bed and ate another gallon of ice creamy goodness and tried to forget the tattooed bartender who had bulldozed his way into my life.  Stupid dick wad.  

I hadn't heard from Eli, so I finally texted him saying I thought we needed to take a break.  Yep, I broke up with him over a text.  I was a serious jerk.  But I stopped feeling bad when all I got in reply was a short message with whatever, fifteen minutes later.  I may be a coward for ending things via text but Eli was a jackass so I was glad to be done with him.  Sure, he had had moments where I thought there was more to him than the slacker stoner.  That maybe he cared about me.  But after his fantastic showing at Barton's last night, I forgot about that other stuff and I was pretty sure that I didn't want to see him for a good long time.