At the Crossroads (Buckhorn, Montana #3)(75)

What he hadn’t expected was to see that this one was in his father’s handwriting and appeared painstakingly done. Something about that clutched at his chest, making it hard to breathe.

Son, I’m so sorry.
The words blurred for a moment.

I should have talked to you, tried to explain the pain I was going through. When we lost your mother, I lost myself. I abandoned you, feeling I had nothing to give and you were better off without my bitterness and despair. I know you’ve never forgiven me for selling the ranch, but son, I couldn’t bear living there. Everywhere I looked I saw her, I smelled her scent, I heard her voice. I don’t expect you to understand.
The words blurred again, and he found himself choking on strangling emotions, because Culhane did understand. He wouldn’t have before he met Alexis. He’d never known the kind of love that fills your soul, that makes you want to move mountains, that makes you want to run for fear you will lose it and die of it.

He wanted to quit reading but forced himself to continue.

I should have talked to you, but you were so young. It broke my heart to send you away. I love you, son. I always have. But I knew I couldn’t be the father you deserved. All I could do was work hard and make sure you would be cared for when I was gone. I wanted to go with her. I would have, if not for my love for you. That’s why I’ve worked so hard. It’s all that has kept me alive. I knew I couldn’t be the father you needed.
He stopped reading and took a few deep breaths, feeling his father’s pain and his own.

By the time you were older and I had learned to survive without your mother, you were no longer interested in me. I don’t blame you. I hope someday you can forgive me. I know that all the money in the world won’t make up for what you lost. What we both lost. But it’s all I had to give.
Just like buying another ranch won’t fill that hole left in your life, and I’m sorry. But it’s the best I can do. I hope you have that special someone to share it with and will make your own wonderful memories. I’m told that you might have found that person in Alexis Brand. That’s why I’ve asked my lawyer to find something special for the two of you that you both might like as my gift to you—and my way of saying I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Your father.
Culhane clutched the letter in his hand for a long moment, tears burning his eyes, before he carefully folded it as he grieved the tragic loss of both of his parents. His father was right. The ranch where he’d grown up wouldn’t have been the same without his mother. They both would have suffered because she was the one who’d made it so special. When she’d died, she’d taken the magic with her.

Folding the envelope, he put it in his pocket, opened his door and went to find Earl Ray. “Let’s see this ranch,” he said when he found him, and Earl Ray smiled.



CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN


CULHANE HAD NEVER been more nervous in his life. He stood at the front door of Alexis’s parents’ home afraid to knock. There was so much he wanted to say, but he feared that he either might not get the chance—or he would say the wrong thing.

“Just tell her what’s in your heart,” Earl Ray had suggested when he’d dropped him off at his pickup. “The words hardly matter. She’ll see the love in your eyes.”

Culhane hoped he was right. His lucky Stetson in hand, he took a breath and knocked. When Alexis answered the door, she’d looked surprised and uneasy. He told himself he should have called, but he’d wanted to surprise her. Also, he’d been afraid she wouldn’t want to see him.

Now she had to at least tell him to get lost.

He smiled at just the sight of her, his heart aflutter in his chest. She was more beautiful than even in his memory. Earl Ray was right. She would have a small scar at her hairline. He wanted desperately to kiss it, to kiss her.

“I thought we could talk on the drive,” he said.

She frowned, surprised no doubt that those were his first words after all this time apart. “On the drive?”

“There’s something I need to show you.” He hadn’t wanted to like the Crooked Tree ranch. He hadn’t wanted his father to be right about anything. But what struck him after seeing the ranch was how much his father had known him. Culhane had loved the place, and even more surprising, it was exactly the kind of place he thought Alexis would love as well.

He turned the brim of his Stetson in his hand. “The letter explains the rest.”

She quirked an amused smile. “The letter?”

“From my father.”

“Oh,” she said.

He looked past her to where her parents stood together. He said hello before turning back to Alexis. “You up to a drive?”

She seemed to hesitate, looked over her shoulder and then said, “I’ll get my coat.”

On the way, he handed her the letter. He figured it could say it better than he could. He felt her glance at him occasionally as she read. When she finished, she wiped her eyes turning her head away so he didn’t see and said, “Whew. Are you okay?”

He nodded. “But because of what happened after my mother died and then Jana, I really thought I wanted nothing to do with marriage and kids. I was afraid I’d mess them up the way my father had me.” He saw her expression and quickly rushed on. “Until I met you. You, Alexis Brand, changed everything.”

ALEXIS FELT AS if a helium balloon had just been attached to her heart. Seeing Culhane like this... It filled her with so much joy. He’d looked so nervous when she’d opened the door of her parents’ house to find him standing there, hat in hand.