As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow (84)

He leans back. “You mean stay here at night?”

I nod. “You don’t have to stay with me. Lama and Yusuf will need you.”

He cracks his fingers. “You know the military is closing in. If they’re able to get into our part of the city, they’ll come here straight away and…” His words collapse on top of each other, and he goes silent.

I smile, touching his cheek and think back to what Dr. Ziad told me this morning. “Kenan, they’ll also go to each house, break down the door, steal, destroy, rape, and kill. Or they’ll arrest us. You know this. So, if we might die, I want to die at the hospital doing something to help. Not hiding in my house.”

I know Layla would be proud of me. I wish I could tell her.

Kenan looks away and his eyelashes flutter. I know he’s holding back tears from the tightness of his lips.

“All right,” he finally says and takes both my hands in his. “But we don’t split up. I’ll bring Lama and Yusuf here and we stay together until the boat arrives.”

And I fall for him even more. I was too shy to ask him to stay with me. I didn’t want him to choose between me and his siblings. His siblings are a part of him. They’re his responsibility and I’m a newcomer in his world, trying to find a space to fit in. But he’s made more than enough room for me.

“We stay together,” I agree.

He presses a quick kiss to my forehead before jumping to his feet. “I’ll be back within the hour.”

I grab his hand and squeeze it. “Be safe.”

He smiles. I miss his hand as soon as it leaves mine, and I watch him until he crosses the gates and turns around to wave at me before disappearing behind the wreckage.

I sigh. I look at the sky and send a quick prayer for him.

“Layla,” I murmur, watching the first stars begin to twinkle. “Mama. Baba. I hope Hamza is with you. I imagine you’re all sitting beside one another laughing and eating and drinking. I love you and miss you so much. But… I don’t want to join you just yet. I want you to meet Kenan later. When he and I have grown old and had a lifetime together. I still have more in me. I can still go on. I know I can. Because I know that’s what you’d want me to do.”

I take in a deep breath and feel serenity settle in my heart. Being a hair away from death fills me with calmness I never knew could be possible. I’ve done my part. I will continue to fight for what I’m owed and whatever happens, I’m okay with that.

The breeze rustles through the budding leaves on the trees, and I feel Khawf sitting beside me.

He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I.

After a few minutes, I get up and walk back into the hospital.





LAMA AND YUSUF PROTESTED AT HAVING TO MOVE again until Kenan promised them all the candy they want when we get to Germany. Now they’re settling in one of the rooms that’s been put aside for the children whose family members are at the hospital recovering.

The children there are already sleeping, a couple of them crying out occasionally and others restlessly kicking their legs. Kenan finds a space in a corner for Lama and Yusuf. Lama falls asleep as soon as Kenan sets her on the blanket. Yusuf lies beside her, his eyes as huge as an owl’s.

He glances at me and I smile. He looks away, and even in the dim light filtering through the opened door I can see his blush.

Kenan makes sure they’re both covered and warm before closing the door behind him.

“Aren’t you sleepy?” I ask, glancing at the hallway clock. It’s nearly ten p.m.

He shakes his head. “I can’t sleep while my wife works.”

There’s that word again. Wife.

He notices my flustered expression and grins. “Wife,” he repeats.

I stop, covering my face with my hands, unable to look at him without bursting into flames. He holds my wrists, dragging them away.

“Look at me,” he whispers.

“If I do, my heart might stop,” I reply, staring at the floor, and then looking over his shoulder and around us. “We can’t do this here. Anyone could walk by.”

He responds by taking my hand and walking us through the hallway. I feel like I’m supposed to feel in a might life. A teen sneaking away with the boy she loves, her heart racing. We reach the stockroom and he closes the door behind us, backing me against it.

He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t raise my chin, but he’s a breath away from me.

“Would you look at me now?” he asks. His voice is low and throaty, dancing over my skin. I look up at him and catch the amusement in his eyes. A peek of who he is when the revolution isn’t forcing him to build a shield and hide pieces of himself. The realization makes me laugh and he raises his eyebrows. “That wasn’t the response I was expecting.”

“You’re a flirt, aren’t you?” I chuckle.

He shakes his head, laughing. “You’re just realizing this now?”

I give him a curious look.

“Salama, I’ve been flirting with you ever since we met,” he says. “I guess it was a bit too subtle.”

“Well, what else do you have up your sleeve?” I ask, feeling emboldened in the privacy of this room. This tiny place exists outside reality. As do all our times together.

A secretive smile plays on his lips, and he lowers his head. I instinctively close my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine, but he doesn’t kiss me. Instead, he lays his forehead against the door right beside my ear and his body is flush against mine.