Archangel's Resurrection (Guild Hunter #15)(35)

“We have to stop doing this, lover,” she said one day when she’d long been an archangel, her wings brushing against him as he lay on the tumbled sheets of their bed while she sat on the side with her feet on the floor. The tiny kitten he’d gifted her slept undisturbed in its plush basket against the far wall.

“I know.”

Then they did it again and again and again, locked in a cycle of hurt and love until one brutal day, when Zanaya threw up her hands. “I came here to make love with you for I plan to go into Sleep. And you do this!”

Alexander’s blood ran cold. “Sleep?” Gripping her shoulders, he said, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m tired, Alexander.” Shoving him away, she stalked to the other end of the room to stare out the window at the rolling sands of his territory. “We’ve dealt with more wars in the past ten thousand years than in many of the eons before.”

A shift on her heel, a glance back at him. “You’re tired, too, though you’re too stubborn to admit it.”

“Archangels don’t get tired.”

She snorted. “You keep telling yourself that and you’ll end up a mad archangel just like Sha-yi.” An unerring blow. “I promised myself I’d never allow you to go that far, but I was a hopeful fool. I didn’t know how the lure of power would hold you to the world—to the point of ignoring the very real threat that looms over all our heads!”

“I’m in full control of my faculties!”

“You’re old! So am I!” Thrusting her hands through her hair, she said, “Your compatriots, including Caliane, have all Slept for long stretches. You’re the only one who refuses! Don’t do this, Alexander! Don’t be what Esphares almost became! Don’t allow your hunger for power to destroy you! Remember the words you told me you said to him. Do you wish to dim flicker by small flicker?”

Alexander shoved aside that irrelevant worry. “When will you Sleep? Where?” He couldn’t bear knowing that she planned to go so far from him, to a place even an archangel couldn’t reach.

“No, lover, this I will do in privacy.”

He froze. “Do you not trust me to watch over you?” It injured him to the core that she’d believe he’d use her vulnerability to hurt her.

“Oh, Alexander.” A sigh, her throat moving. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I trust you too much.” Walking across, she took his hand, lifted it to press a kiss to his palm.

Star-flecked eyes locked with his. “We are each other’s obsession, lover-mine. Should you know where I Sleep, you won’t ever Sleep for the need to watch over me.” A shake of her head. “I won’t do this to you. We may be the worst for each other, but this I won’t do to you. For I have loved you more than I have loved anyone else in my entire existence.”

“No!” He reached for her, intending to kiss her, love her until she couldn’t leave him.

The sword she wore like it was her favorite piece of jewelry was suddenly between them, the tip pressed to his heart. “No, not this time.” A hard tone brittle at the edges. “I’m breaking us before we break each other in ways that can’t be undone. I’ll Sleep and when I wake, I’ll be sane when it comes to you—instead of this half-mad creature I’ve become.”

Heat flushed his skin, his shoulders knots upon knots. “Our love isn’t a madness! The things we’ve done together, Zani. The adventures we’ve had, the discoveries we’ve made!”

“The blows we’ve landed, the fractures we’ve created in each other, the rages we’ve incited.” She pushed the tip of the blade in further warning when he would’ve moved forward. “We hurt each other, Alexander. We do it over and over again. Neither one of us is innocent.”

She continued on when he would’ve spoken. “Look how angry and out of control you are now. This isn’t the calm and stable Archangel Alexander your people know and revere. As your Zani isn’t the good-natured and even-tempered Archangel Zanaya her people follow. I don’t like who I become with you when we fall into one of our dark periods.”

Her words staggered him—all the more so for being pure truth. “We’ll find our path,” he said. “Don’t go to Sleep, Zani. I would miss you for all eternity.”

Her eyes shimmered for a second before she gave a harsh shake of her head. “I’ll miss you even in my dreams, lover, but we’ve proven many times over that I’m not the right woman for you. And I refuse to stay awake and watch you dim into the madness of an archangel who will not Sleep for fear of losing his grip on power. Forget me.”

He didn’t run after her when she left, furious and heartbroken in equal measures. And despite her resolve, she must have rethought her decision, because she didn’t go into Sleep right then. Still angry with her for scaring him, for showing him just how much emotional power she could wield over him, he kept his distance . . . and a decade later, even though he was an immortal, there was no more time.

Zanaya went to Sleep in a place of her choosing of which he had no knowledge.

“You’ve broken my heart, Zani,” he said to a night dotted with starlight, but nowhere near as beautiful as the darkness that had heralded her ascension. “I’ll never forgive you for leaving me.”